


resilience

by AlieSanvers



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fix-It, Happy Ending, Sanvers - Freeform, Sanvers Big Bang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:29:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 45,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26995201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlieSanvers/pseuds/AlieSanvers
Summary: “Sawyer, you remember Lieutenant Daniel Phillips?” Her captain asked.“Uh, yeah, Internal Affairs, right?”“I’m afraid I don’t have good news for you, detective. The name Peter Thompson rings a bell?”Maggie blinked once. Twice. ‘Shit.’“Detective Maggie Sawyer, you’re under arrest for the attempted aiding escape of prisoner Peter Thompson out of Albatross federal prison."~Or, the one where, after the breakup, Maggie gets arrested for trying to break Peter Thompson out of prison.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer
Comments: 209
Kudos: 146
Collections: Sanvers Big Bang | 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The biggest and loudest shout-out to Liz and Sara, my beta and artist matches. Liz, without you this fic would've been a freaking incomprehensible mess, so THANK YOU SO MUCH. Sara, your art is just AMAZING and I'm so grateful you chose my story to do these amazing drawings.
> 
> Friends, [HERE](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/SanversBigBang2020/works/27023134) you can enjoy the astounding art Sara did to accompany this fic. Please, give it a look and give her all the love and praise she deserves.
> 
> Thanks to the Sanvers Big Bang team for doing this awesome event. I'm so happy I decided to participate on it, as it turned out to be a real challenge for me. But the most exciting part is that we get to read our favorite writers and admire all the incredibly talented artists this Fandom has.
> 
> That being said, I'm so excited for this! I can't even start to explain how much time and dedication I put on this fic, so I really hope you guys enjoy it.
> 
> Also, please, remember English is not my first language, so bear with me and my vocabulary (or lack thereof).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much canon until 3x05.
> 
> A/N: I am not a lawyer, I have never been in jail and I have never been arrested, so I apologize if anything regarding the matters doesn't make sense.

It was just another Tuesday at the precinct, and Maggie’s shift was ending in a couple of hours. She couldn’t wait to just go home -if that filthy, four-walled motel room could be called a home-, and crash into bed until whenever her eyes would deign to open again. It had been an intense, very busy few weeks for her after Alex called things off. Weeks where Maggie had plunged herself into work, as she felt the need to focus her mind on anything other than her ex-fiancee and her relationship failure. And it helped. Work kept her busy and gave her purpose, something she felt she was lacking lately. Purpose got her out of bed every morning and the thought that at least as a police officer she was still needed helped too. What didn’t help was the fact that most of the time she had to deal with Alex at work.

At first it had been okay. They knew that even though their romantic relationship hadn’t worked, they still did great as a team. And while it wasn’t ideal, they managed to behave like two grown up adults and, leaving their personal issues aside, be professional. But after the last op the NCPD and the DEO had run together, where things hadn’t gone as expected and where things between them literally collapsed as everything that hadn’t been said in the actual breakup unexpectedly erupted there, everything changed.

Since that day, Maggie only worked the cases the DEO didn’t claim, as well as those that had been put off and left unsolved.

She had been feeling so tired lately; her eyes felt like burning and she was sleepy all the time. In one word, she felt exhausted. She was seriously considering calling it a day hoping that maybe tonight she could actually get some quality time of sleep. Rubbing her sore eyes, she laid back on her desk chair, resting her head on its headrest and unconsciously letting a deep sigh out.

“You okay there, Sawyer?” McConnell asked, turning around into his own chair.

“Just tired,” Maggie mumbled.

“That’s what working non-stop will do to you, ya know?”

“Keeps me busy,” she shrugged.

“Yeah, well, I don’t care if it does, you need to stop doing that, Maggie. You need to start taking care of yourself and get some fucking rest,” McConnell blurted in a hard tone now.

“Ugh, when did you become my wife?” Maggie snarked.

“I’m not! I’m your partner, and I worry about-”

“You don’t have to worry about me, McConnell,” she assured, interrupting her partner.

“Well, good, ‘cause I don’t. I worry about me, actually. You’re my partner, Sawyer, and that means you have to have my back the same way I have yours, and honestly, lately I have zero trust in you to do that. You’ve been pulling god only knows how many consecutive shifts for weeks, you skip meals, and you look like you haven’t slept an eye in weeks! How am I supposed to trust you with my life when you don’t even know what day we’re on.”

“I said I’m fine,” she repeated through gritted teeth.

“No, you’re not,” he insisted adamantly. “You need a break, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“You’ve no idea what I need, so stay out of it, McConnell.”

“Oh, I know you well, Sawyer. And I know you’ve been pushing yourself too hard since what happened with Alex.”

Maggie glared at him, and pointing her index finger at him, she warned, “Don’t you dare go there!”

“So your girlfriend broke up with you, so what?! You’re not the first nor will be the last to go through that. So man fucking up and face it!” He said in a harsh tone.

“What the fuck is your problem, asshole?!” Maggie snapped, raising her voice and turning a couple of looks towards them.

“Sawyer!” The whole department suddenly rumbled with Captain Hardy's deep voice. “My office, now!” He bellowed.

Maggie scoffed, and rolling her eyes she turned to start stalking towards her captain’s office.

“Sir, we were just talking,” she said entering the office.

“Close the door, Sawyer.”

Maggie frowned at him but did as she was told. And it was when she turned back around that she caught sight of a third person in the office. A tall bald man dressed in an impeccable suit. Maggie recognized him, but what she didn’t recognize was her connection with him.

“Sawyer, you remember Lieutenant Daniel Phillips?” Hardy asked.

“Uh, yeah, IAD, right?”

“Internal Affairs, that’s right,” Phillips answered. “And I’m afraid I don’t have good news for you, detective.”

Maggie stared at him, confused, and wondering what in the world would Internal Affairs want with her.

“Sir?” She prompted.

Captain Hardy closed his eyes and let a deep sigh out, as if not happy with what he had to say.

“The name Peter Thompson rings a bell, detective?” Lieutenant Phillips asked before her captain could say anything.

Maggie blinked once. Twice. And then ‘ _Shit_ ,’ she thought. _Now_ she had a feeling of what all of this was really about. Before Maggie could utter a word, Captain Hardy interjected.

“Just- Don’t answer that question, Sawyer. In fact, from now on don’t say a single word until we get you a lawyer. Are we clear?”

“Lawyer?” She prompted, bewildered.

“Detective Maggie Sawyer, you’re under arrest for the attempted aiding escape of prisoner Peter Thompson out of Albatross federal prison. You’ve the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to talk to a lawyer and have them present with you while you are being questioned. If you cannot afford to hire a lawyer, one will be appointed to represent you before any questioning if you wish.” Lieutenant Phillips recited, walking the few steps that separated them. “Your captain here requested that as a courtesy I don’t make a scene and escort you out uncuffed, so I recommend you, detective, to show the same consideration and oblige,” he said, taking her from the arm and attempting to guide her out the door.

“Wh- No, don’t fucking touch me!” She exclaimed, getting rid of Phillips grasp. “Captain, I don’t understand what’s happening! What does he mean I’m under arrest?”

Captain Hardy, who moments before had gotten up of his chair and walked closer to her, spoke again.

“The DA’s office got notified from Peter Thompson’s lawyer that he had a tip about an NCPD detective and used it to his benefit,” her captain explained.

“But, Sir-”

“Shut your mouth, Sawyer. Don’t say a word and wait for a lawyer,” He insisted.

“Your gun and your badge, detective, please,” asked Phillips, extending his hand.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me…” Maggie scoffed, shaking her head.

“Sawyer, would you just fucking cooperate?!” Hardy grunted through gritted teeth. “Or do you really want to walk out of here with your own cuffs on?”

Maggie let out a deep sigh and obliged, reaching to her right hip and surrendering her reglementary gun and her detective badge to Lieutenant Phillips.

Before Phillips escorted her out, Maggie heard her captain ask her one last question.

“Is there anyone in particular you’d want me to call, Sawyer?”

Her mind instantly thought of _her_. But no, she wasn’t part of her life anymore. Maggie was on her own now.

She shook her head. “Just… don’t tell anyone about this,” she pleaded, heading to the door. “And get me that lawyer.”

“Already on it,” he assured her, already calling someone on his phone. “Hey, don’t worry, okay? You’ll be fine. You got this.”

With nothing further, she took a deep breath in and walked out of the office escorted by Lieutenant Phillips. But before she was able to take two steps out, she saw McConnell blocking her way.

“Maggie, what’s going on?” He asked with a concerned look.

“Seems like I’m taking that break after all,” was all she allowed herself to say before disappearing through the precinct’s hallways escorted by Lieutenant Phillips.

* * *

NCPD 16 PCT

SAWYER, M

B56439 2017

Said the board Maggie was holding in front of the camera as she was being taken her mugshot. After taking her fingerprints and her personal belongings, and after rejecting her entitled phone call - _twice_ -, she was done being processed and the custody sergeant escorted her to an interrogation room where Lieutenant Phillips was waiting for her.

“So, you wanna tell me what happened, detective?” He asked once the officer that brought Maggie into the room left.

“I think I’ll wait for my lawyer, thanks.”

“We all want to clear this out, detective. I just want to know your version of the facts,” he insisted.

“Clear this out, huh? That’s why you arrested and processed me?”

“C’mon, Sawyer, you of all people should know that that is standard procedure,” he explained in an annoyingly calm voice. “I just want to help you.”

“And that’s exactly why I’m here,” said a tall blond woman dressed in a tailor-made suit holding a black briefcase, suddenly opening the door and inviting herself into the room. “Jessica Carter, I’m Detective Sawyer’s attorney,” she introduced herself, extending a hand to Phillips. “I’ll take it from here, Lieutenant,” she added, kindly asking him to leave the room.

“Once I leave, I won’t be able to help you anymore, detective. Are you sure you don’t want to speak to me first?”

“Oh, you’ve done enough already, Lieutenant,” Maggie said with sarcasm. “I think I’ll take my chances from now on.”

For a long second they held defying looks at each other, and when Phillips realized Maggie wasn’t about to say anything more, he nodded and walked out the room. Once he was gone, Maggie turned to her lawyer and smirked.

“Hardy knows how to choose them, huh?” Jessica Carter was a renowned defense attorney, well-known for working and winning the hardest criminal cases. She was also Maggie’s ex. “I’m just gonna be honest and say it, Jessica. I can’t afford you. So, I appreciate you being here and all, but I’m afraid Hardy made you come for nothing.”

“Oh, c’mon, everybody has a little house, or a boat, or inherited jewelry, or something they can dispose of. You know I’m not that picky,” she joked, making Maggie roll her eyes. “Seriously, Maggie, you don’t have to worry about that,” she said, this time, with a softer tone. “Now, let’s talk business. As you might know already, everything we talk in here is confidential so you are in absolute freedom to speak the truth. I’m not here to judge you, but to _help you_ , okay? That being said, I need you to tell me, is it true?” She asked, straightening her stance, resting her elbows on the stainless steel table and entwining her fingers.

Maggie exhaled a deep sigh and without saying a word or even looking at Jess in the eyes, she nodded.

“For Christ’s sake, Maggie, what the fuck were you thinking?!”

“Excuse me, I thought you said you weren’t here to judge me,” Maggie scoffed.

“Just… tell me what happened.”

“It’s kind of a long story.”

“Well, you’re not going anywhere anytime soon, so you better start talking,” Jess prompted, making Maggie tell the whole story about Alex, Rick Malverne, and Peter Thompson, and about how she had ended up in here.

“Speaking of knowing how to choose them…” Jess muttered, making Maggie roll her eyes again.

“What I don’t understand is why now? It’s been months since that happened, so why now?”

“From what Hardy told me and according to these papers, IAD has been investigating your case for a while now. The moment Thompson's lawyer made the accusation, the DA informed Internal Affairs and asked to open an investigation. Apparently they were able to find some irregularities that match Thompson’s testimony with the date and time he said it all happened.”

“Such as?”

“For one, you on camera that night, entering the building.”

Maggie snorted. “That’s all? I’m a cop, I could’ve just been there.”

“Also, some high-tech devices that altered the surveillance cameras, as well as two surveillance cameras ‘magically’ destroyed,” she explained looking down at some papers. “They also have records of you being there earlier that day with two other people. Some uh, FBI agent Hank Henshaw and a CatCo reporter Kara Danvers.”

“Yeah, that morning we went to interrogate him about the anonymous call,” she explained. “It was all by the book, though.”

“That’s good, that’s good,” Jess nodded. “We’ll be back with that later. But first, we’ll argue that there isn’t enough evidence against you and request to drop the charges.”

“Wait, can we do that?” Maggie asked with a relish of hope.

“We can try.”

“What about Supergirl? She was there too that night. Didn’t he name her, too?”

“Nah, clearly he’s not stupid enough to accuse National City’s favorite heroine. The whole story would lose credibility and no one would believe him. Not to mention there’s absolutely no proof of her actually being there. It would just hinder the case.”

“And Alex? What about her? He knew she had been kidnapped, and he knew that’s why I was there that night,” Maggie inquired.

“Well, since this ‘top secret agency’ you mentioned handled the case, there’s no actual record about anyone being kidnapped, so that’s more to our favor.”

“How so?”

“For starters, without motive there’s no case.”

“What can Thompson get out of it, anyways? He’s got a life-long sentence, it’s not like three or five years less are gonna make any difference.”

“Well, no, but he can ask to do that in the comfort of his own house.”

Maggie frowned. “What, home detention? Really? Can he get that?”

“If you’re found guilty, and if his lawyer is good enough, he may,” Jess shrugged. “But Maggie, let me be very clear with you. Right now, Thompson is the least of your problems. If IAD finds any hard evidence that can place you wandering the prison hallways that night, then you’re screwed and your career is over.”

“As if it isn’t already…” She scoffed, gesturing around and proving her point.

“It’s not. Not yet, anyways. And that’s why I need you to think very carefully and tell me, did you talk about this with anyone?”

“No, like I said, it was Thompson, Supergirl and me that night. No one else,” she assured. “Earlier that day I’d been talking to Malverne, trying to talk him out of it, trying to get him to tell me were he had Alex, and while he ended up convincing _me_ that freeing his father was the only option left, I didn’t actually tell him I was gonna do it.”

“Okay. And Alex?”

“I- No. I, uh, I never told her,” she lowered her look sheepishly. “And I’m confident Supergirl didn’t either.”

When she lifted her eyes and saw Jess’ skeptical look, she added. “She promised she wouldn’t, okay? And I trust her.”

“Alright. Now, those things I mentioned to you they found, is there any chance they can find your fingerprints or DNA on them?”

Maggie opened her mouth to speak but quickly closed it, bringing her hands to her face covering it and then threading her fingers through her hair, saying it all with the gesture.

“Damn, Maggie…”

“I wasn’t thinking, okay?!” Maggie barked, swallowing hard. “All I cared about was getting her back alive. And she was running out of time.”

“Alright, let me handle this, okay?” Jess said, putting her papers into her briefcase. “I’ll see you tomorrow at the arraignment court. What do you need right now? You can ask me anything.”

“I just really want this nightmare to end,” she whispered.

“I know,” Jess whispered back, reaching her hand over the table and taking Maggie’s in a hard, confident grip. “And I’ll get you out, Maggie. I promise.”

Tilting her head, a weak smile crept in Maggie’s mouth. “I’m happy that you’re here, you know? That you’re my lawyer. I trust you, Jess.”

“And I’m very happy to see you again, Mags,” Jess offered softly stroking her thumb over Maggie’s hand. 

“Yeah, well, I wish it would have been under better circumstances,” Maggie let out a breathless chuckle.

“They will be. Hey,” she said searching for the other woman’s eyes, “how about we make a deal? When I get you out of here you buy me a nice dinner at the fanciest restaurant in National City,” she proposed with a sassy smile.

Maggie let out an honest to god laugh. “You haven’t changed one bit, have you?”

“Have you?” She challenged back.

Maggie smiled biting the inside of her cheek and nodded.

“It’s a deal.”

“Great. I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Jess gave one last grasp at Maggie’s hand before walking to the door and opening it. “Everything will be alright, Mags. You just hang in there.”

Maggie couldn't do anything other than just nod at her and watch her disappear through the door at the same time that the custody sergeant that brought her in came in to escort her to her cell.

  
  
  
  


* * *

Never in her life had she imagined herself ending up in jail. Much less while being a freaking officer of the law. It was ironic. She had no idea how many criminals she had sent to prison during her career; at some point she had stopped keeping count. But now here she was. ‘Ironic? Nah, this wasn’t ironic, this was fucking ridiculous and humiliating,’ she thought to herself.

“Bars don’t really suit you, Sawyer.”

Maggie heard, sitting with her head on her hands and her arms on her knees. She didn’t have to look up to know it was McConnell.

“You’re not supposed to be here, Kevin.”

“Neither are you,” he said, adamant. “The cap is doing everything possible to help you out.”

“Yeah, so is my lawyer. But we both know it’s not that simple.”

McConnel looked around, making sure no one else was around and, resting his forehead against the cell bars, he asked in a mutter. “How did this happen, Mags? How did IAD find out?”

Maggie walked closer to him, until the bars were the only thing that separated them. 

“Thompson talked,” she muttered back.

“Fucker!”

“And they say they have me on tape,” she added.

“Fuck, Maggie! I told you specifically where each camera was!”

“And I did just as you told me! I don’t know how or when it caught me.”

McConnell shook his head berating himself. “Shit, Mags… I should’ve stopped you.”

“C’mon, you know very well I wouldn’t have let you do that. I would’ve found a way.”

“What about Phillips? Did he, uh,” he checked around for prying eyes or hears again and lowered his voice even more, “did he say something about me?”

“No, don’t worry, you’re safe,” she assured. “And that will die with me, I promise, Kev.”

“I know, I’m not worried about that. I’m honestly just worried about you.”

Tilting her head to the side, her brow furrowed in amusement. “Gee, I thought you said you never worried about me.”

McConnell rolled his eyes. “You know I do. And earlier I was just being an asshole, you know that.”

A loud thud suddenly made them both jump apart, and a second later Winn appeared through the door.

“Winn?! What are you doing here?” Maggie frowned, confused.

“What, you thought I wasn’t going to notice my _BFF_ going _MIA_?” Winn teased, but when he noted Maggie wasn’t having any of it, he cleared his throat and turned serious. “He called me,” he quickly pointing at McConnell.

Maggie directed a glare to her partner. “Seriously? For fucks sake, why don’t you just tweet about it, too?” She grunted.

“He and the DEO can help you, Maggie!” McConnell explained.

She raised a questioning brow at him. “The DEO?!”

“I’ve been trying to call Alex but she's not answering, which makes sense since last I heard she took the day off for personal reasons, whatever that means. Don't worry though, we’ll get you out of here soon.” Winn said while typing something on his phone.

“Wait, wait, wait, you what?!”

“She'll be able to help-”

“Winn, what did you say you did?!”

Winn sighed. He had a mild suspicion this would happen. “I said, I was trying to contact Alex.”

“Who the fuck gave you the right, Schott?” Maggie asked furious.

“Maggie, hear him out!” McConnell insisted.

“No! I specifically asked Hardy not to tell anyone, I don't know what you're doing here in the first place,” she said to McConnell. “And then not only does he tell you, but you tell Winn so he can tell Alex? You had no fucking right to do that!”

“Maggie, you’re in jail!” Winn shouted, as if trying to make her see some sense.

“No kidding, asshole!” She snapped, but immediately closed her eyes and took a deep breath, regretting her words and trying to calm herself. “I’m sorry, Winn. I didn’t mean to-, don’t do it again, please. Don’t call her. I don’t need her, and she’s got nothing to do with this, okay?”

“‘Nothing to do with this’? C’mon Sawyer, I know who Peter Thompson is, so don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not discussing this with you, Schott. Don’t say a fucking word, okay? This is on me, I’ll deal with it.”

“What, you’re gonna go to prison just because you’re too proud to ask for help?!” McConnell frowned, shaking his head in disapprovement.

“I have help. I have a lawyer, and the best one at that. And right now she’s doing everything possible to get me out of here.”

“Please, let me call her, Maggie. I know you guys aren’t on the best terms after what happened the other day at that warehouse, which, by the way, we both know she didn’t mean.”

“Jesus, Winn, were you listening again?!”

“I’m always listening, Maggie. It’s kind of my job, you know?”

Maggie rolled her eyes and let a loud growl out.

“What I’m trying to say, Maggie, is that she still cares. And she’ll do anything to help you get out of here. So please, let me call her. Let _us_ help you.”

Maggie winced at the memory, staring pensively at him and, for a moment, she felt tempted to accept the offer, maybe that way this would be nothing but another bad day and she could go back to her sad and lonely life. But no, she couldn’t. She had done something wrong and now she had to deal with the consequences on her own. So shaking the temptation away she shook her head and refused.

“I’ll handle it myself,” she stubbornly said, making the other two men huff. “Now, both of you need to promise me you won’t say a word.”

“Maggie-” McConnell tried again.

“Promise me!”

“Okay, okay, we won’t!” Winn held his hands up in surrender. “Goddammit, Maggie. Just think it through, alright? And call me if you change your mind.”

“I‘ll be fine, Winn. Don’t worry about me.”

“You know I can’t promise you that,” he whispered.

“Trust me. Tomorrow I’ll be having breakfast with my best buddy,” she tried to sound positive but judging by Winn’s look she was failing.

He opened and closed his mouth trying to think how to say what he had in mind. “Maggie, I don’t think you realize how serious-”

“I said I will, okay, Winn?”

He looked at her right in the eyes and knowing it was pointless to keep arguing with her, he just nodded and agreed.

“Okay. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Just keep this between you and me, yeah?”

“Sure,” he said in a disappointed tone.

“You sure about this, Sawyer?” McConnell insisted once more. “Because I think you’re being an idiot. And Hardy is doing great at keeping this from the press, but if this goes to trial, shit will hit the fan and not only Alex Danvers will find out but also the whole city, you know that right?”

“I made my decision, Kevin.” Maggie responded with resolve.

This was her mess. She would deal with it, no matter how much it cost her.

* * *

“On the charge of attempted aiding escape, how does the accused plead?” The judge asked.

“My client pleads not guilty, your honor,” Jess replied. “The DA has rushed to overcharge this. There is absolutely no hard evidence against my client that sustains what she’s being accused of. That’s why we request the charge to be dropped.”

“Your honor, our office has already been beyond lenient with the defendant in agreeing to drop the treason aspect of the charge,” the DA retorted.

Jess scoffed at that. “Treason?! Please, that’s ridiculous, your honor.”

“The charge stands. As to the matter of bail?” The judge asked the DA.

“People request remand, given that Sawyer is accused of aiding a life-long sentenced murderer escape out of a federal prison.”

“Detective Sawyer is a dedicated career officer, and there’s absolutely anything that proves otherwise,” countered Jess. “We request release on her own recognizance.”

“The prosecution is concerned that the defendant will flee and obstruct the case, your honor. That’s why we request she is remanded in custody,” the DA insisted.

“Your honor, Detective Sawyer is an honorable and decorated detective with the National City Police Department, she has a reputation she wants to defend. She also has no criminal record whatsoever. And just in case that isn’t reason enough, here I have my client’s finances and a sworn statement of her properties,” Jess said, walking to both the judge and the DA, handing them a bunch of papers. “As you can see, she’s not a flight risk and she definitely doesn’t represent any danger to the society.”

“It’s an understatement that monetary resources aren’t the only ones that can facilitate flee. And she’s got access to logistical resources that can do that; also, she’s got no ties to the community, as she is single, with no children nor family in the state; and she doesn’t even own her own place, as she lives in a motel on the outskirts of the city. In addition to that, your honor, she’s unemployed at the moment-”

“My client’s not unemployed, your honor, she’s on mandatory leave,” Jess objected.

“Which doesn’t make any difference at this point, does it?” Countered the DA.

“I agree,” said the judge. “Given the serious nature of the charges and considering we’re talking about an officer of the law who has certain knowledge and resources, and with no ties to the community, I can’t have the defendant just walk out of here. Bail is set at two million dollars,” she delivered, tapping the gavel.

“Two mill- That’s punitive, your honor!” Jess argued. “There’s no way she counts with that amount of money.”

“Next case!” The judge exclaimed.

‘ _This is it_ ,’ Maggie thought to herself. This is how it all ends. Her career, her honor, her freedom. Her _life_. She was going to jail, to wait for a trial that, given the circumstances, she was most likely about to lose. She really thought she could get away with it this time. But as things were, with the DA and IAD determined to go to the ends of this case to find the truth, plus the imminent detection of her fingerprints on the evidence found, she could already feel she was _screwed_.

_And the worst of all?_

“Maggie? Maggie!” Jess’ voice brought her out of her thoughts. “Are you okay? Did you hear that?”

“I… I don’t have that money. Jessica, what am I gonna do?!”

“Is there _anyone_ you can call?” She asked as the police officers approached them to take Maggie back into custody. “Friends? Family?”

Maggie shook her head and, in a whisper, said, “I don’t have anybody.”

 _…She was alone_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave Kudos and a comment if you liked it! ;)


	2. Chapter 2

Orange.

It was hardly a color she wore. She never really liked it because she never thought it was a color that suited her. If she went to her wardrobe, she was sure there was nothing orange she would find there. Save for maybe… _oh_. Yeah, right. _That_ t-shirt. It wasn’t even hers, it was Alex’s. When she was packing her bags that night, at what was supposed to be her _home_ , she remembered seeing it in her drawers, among her stuff, and putting it aside.

Later that night at Winn’s—the friend she had told Alex would let her crash in— when she opened her bag to change into her pajamas she saw it right there, carefully folded in a nook, almost as if it was hiding from her. She remembered feeling a sudden wave of not only pain but also anger. Anger at Alex and at that imaginary child she daydreamed so hard about. How could have she been so cruel, so evil to put it there? That t-shirt had been special for Maggie, and Alex knew it. It reminded her of one of the happiest moments of her life, and that was saying something, since there were only a few of them. Then to sneak it into her bag so that Maggie could remember her every time she saw it, Maggie hated Alex for it. It was selfish, and it was wrong.

So yeah, orange wasn’t her favorite color. In fact, it was a color she loathed, as it not only didn’t suit her but also brought her memories she never wanted to think about again. And what made it worse was that now she would have to wear it for what probably was going to be years.

She found herself in the Visiting Room of the National City Correctional Center, where she had been transferred to wait for the trial, with Winn. The moment he had heard the news about Maggie being remanded in custody, he had contacted Jessica to ask when he could visit Magie.

“I told you I’d be having breakfast with you today, didn’t I?” Maggie half-smiled, grabbing her plastic cup filled with organic orange juice that Winn had specially gotten for her.

“You did. What you didn’t say was that it would be in prison,” Winn deadpanned.

“Jail,” she corrected. “And I never anticipated it was gonna be this way, either.”

“You know, my offer still stands. I can get the DEO to help you out.”

“That’s still not up for discussion, Winn,” she sentenced.

He sighed, clearly resigned. “So, now what happens?” He sipped from his own juice.

“Now I have to wait for the trial. It’s gonna be a hard one, Jess warned me, but I have hope,” she lied, because she didn’t want anyone to see her defeated, it was what little pride she had left.

“Trial? Can’t your lawyer make an agreement with the DA or something?”

“That would mean I’d have to plead guilty, and I can’t do that, Winn. If I go to trial, as frustrating as it might be, at least I’ll have a chance to walk out of here and keep my job,” she explained.

“Is there any way I can help, Maggie? I can’t... I just can’t stand to see you here, like this.”

“Do you have two million dollars to spare?” Maggie joked.

He let out a dry laugh. “I’m so sorry. But there _has to be_ some way to get you out of here,” he insisted.

“There isn’t. Not unless Thompson backs off and withdraws the charges. And why would he, anyway? He’s about to earn home detention for life,” she shrugged.

“I can’t believe this is happening to you, Maggie. It’s so not fair,” he complained. But when Maggie lowered her head and didn’t acknowledge his comment, he frowned. “What?”

“Every action has its consequences, Winn,” Maggie pondered. “And I knew exactly what I was doing when I made the call.”

“What do you mean?” He asked, confused.

Maggie tilted her head to the side and softened her eyes for a brief moment.

It only took a couple of seconds for Winn to understand what she was trying to say and when realization hit, his eyes bugged out completely stunned by the confession.

“Wow, wow, wow!” He started fidgeting on his seat and looking around. “I don’t think you’re supposed to be telling me that right here right now, Sawyer!” He hissed, and covering his ears, he added, “I’ll just pretend you didn’t say anything.”

“You know, when we were at the arraignment court, Jessica said I was an honorable police detective, but I can’t stop thinking that there’s no honor in what I did.”

“Maggie, you did it to save Alex!” Winn argued, still hissing.

“It doesn’t matter why I did it, Winn. What matters is that I did it. You know, when I joined the police force I took an oath of honor, and that day I broke into that prison I broke it. I betrayed everything I ever stood for, and the worst of all is, I betrayed myself. So maybe I do deserve to be here, after all,” she said standing up and hailing the guard to take her back to her cell.

“Wait, what are you doing?”

“Thanks for the visit, Winn. But please, don’t come back again.”

“What, why?!”

“Because it’s too painful,” she whispered, and without even one last look, she let herself be escorted out by the officer.

“Wait! Maggie, wait!” Maggie heard him call but she didn’t turn back.

* * *

She should have seen it coming. A cop in jail was an easy target. And she probably would have gone unnoticed hadn’t been for Roulette. Granted, as a cop—or an ex-cop? She wasn’t sure anymore—Maggie had been isolated from the rest of the inmates, and Jessica, her lawyer, had assured her she had specifically told the jail staff not to let word of who she was get out, or else there would be consequences for them. It wasn’t some kind of special treatment or anything like that; it was just standard protocol. Inmates like her had to be segregated from the general jail population to prevent them from being killed. But they weren’t counting on anyone actually recognizing her, and Maggie certainly wasn’t counting on bumping into Roulette, of all people.

The first time they ran into each other was the day Winn had visited her. She was being escorted back to her cell by a guard through the hallways when they made eye contact. It felt like suddenly everything was in slow motion as Maggie registered that moment when realization hit Roulette’s face and an instant, almost imperceptible, _evil_ smirk formed in her mouth. And Maggie had to admit, the moment she locked eyes with the alien exploiter and caught that menacing glance she felt a cold shiver run all along through her body, something she was pretty sure had been _dread_. But then she shrugged the feeling off; she was in protective custody after all, she was safe.

But there was no such thing as safety in jail, apparently. The very next morning, right when she was getting out of the shower stalls wrapped in a towel, a group of four, maybe five, women ambushed her. She swallowed thick and managed to mumble a low ‘ _Fuck_ ,’ before they started beating her up. At first she fought back. They started coming at her one at the time, but when they noticed Maggie was actually handling them just fine, another one joined them; still, Maggie kept fighting back. However, when the other two or three—Maggie wasn’t even sure how many of them were—engaged too, Maggie didn’t stand a chance anymore. As a defense move, she bent herself into the fetal position on the floor, covering her head as she beared the blows. They punched her, they kicked her, and they slashed her arms and thighs with what Maggie assumed had been some kind of shanks.

The strike might have lasted thirty seconds, a minute at most. When they stopped, Maggie immediately re-adjusted her towel and as she watched them leave, she heard a sneery ‘ _Roulette says welcome_ ,’ comment thrown her way. Humiliated and in so much pain, she cleaned her many, albeit shallow, cuts, dressed herself up into her orange jumpsuit, and limped her way back to the cells. From the showers stalls to the cells, she didn’t see a single guard. Even in jail, Roulette was still in control. And Maggie? Maggie was screwed.

* * *

Everything hurt. Her face, her ribs, her legs. She was relieved nothing was broken, but it still hurt like a bitch. When she was on the floor she had been able to protect her face from the punches and the kicks taking them mostly on her middle and her legs, but they did land a few fists on her face, giving her a black eye and a bruised jaw. The cut wounds sucked too, but what really bothered her were the scars they would leave.

She snuggled in her bunk bed under the shitty blanket and shut her eyes, inhaling a sharp breath while trying very hard to hold the tears that she felt coming. Suddenly everything that had happened the last few days, since she had been arrested to this moment, _everything came_ down on her. She couldn’t keep herself from letting a loud sob out and shed the tears that had been burning her eyes, finally allowing herself to be vulnerable, at least for a moment. After all, she was alone in her cell, she didn’t need to pretend she was okay in there.

* * *

She had erased everyone from her visitors list. Admittedly, by everyone she meant Winn and Kevin. She really meant what she had told Winn the last time they had seen each other. It was too painful to go through what she was going through, and having her friends look at her with pitiful eyes every time they visited her made it even worse. And the guilt was real, too. She was guilty, and she felt like it. She had always felt so much pride in who she was. She had always been proud of being a cop, and a good one at that; someone with values, convictions, and a real commitment to the force. And then one day, she had managed to betray everything she had ever stood for; she had managed to betray herself.

Jail, prison, places of punishment in general, were supposed to be places of reflection, of meditation, of self-communion. And Maggie wasn’t sure everybody did that. She didn’t really think inmates used their time in incarceration to actually think why they were in there, or to regret doing what they had done. But she did think about it. She did reflect on what she had done. And she certainly did regret it. She regretted breaking the law; she regretted betraying her convictions. But what she did not regret at all was doing it to save Alex, and she was one hundred percent convinced that if she ever found herself in the same circumstances again, if she had to choose between her life, her _freedom_ , and saving Alex’s life, she would choose Alex again.

The sound of a metal tray sliding through the door pulled her out of her thoughts. It was breakfast time, and since she was in isolation, she wasn’t allowed to go to the cafeteria area so she had to be fed through the bean hole.

“Take it,” she said to the guard, not even moving from her bunk bed.

Truth was, her body still fucking ached. If it was even possible, it hurt even more than the day before, and all she really wanted right now was some painkillers.

And also, well, jail food sucked. She knew that eventually she would have to eat something, even if it tasted like sandpaper, but today wasn’t that day. She wasn’t that hungry yet.

She shifted on her left, the side that hurt the least, facing the wall and trying to catch some sleep. She hadn’t been able to rest one bit these last couple nights, what with the pain she was in, every position made her see stars; plus, the recurrent nightmares that had started to torment her since all this started, didn’t help either.

She was already starting to doze off when the sound of the cell door being opened woke her with a jolt. She huffed and adjusting her pillow spoke again.

“Please, just take the damn tray and go away,” she grunted in a weary tone. She just wanted to be left alone.

“Maggie.”

She froze.

Her everything froze. Her stomach fluttered and her heart started beating so fast and so loud that she could swear she could hear the beats pounding in her own ears. Still facing the wall, she couldn’t move.

“Maggie.”

She heard again. And even though she knew she wasn’t imagining it, she still couldn’t believe it. Maggie shut her eyes and clenched her jaw somehow wishing it would just be her mind being tricky.

“Maggie.”

This time it came out more like an order. Maggie slowly started turning around, and failing at hiding her pain she winced as she shifted into a sitting position on the side of the bed. Guarding herself from the imminent confrontation, she closed her eyes drawing in a deep steadying breath as if to gather some strength and, opening them a second later, she glanced up and saw Alex Danvers standing tall at the threshold of the cell door.

The instant they locked eyes, Maggie could see Alex’s intense frown turn from anger to concern, as her bruises had gone even darker.

“Shit, Maggie! What happened? Who did this to you?!” Alex gasped, lunging toward her.

Maggie reacted faster and didn’t give Alex a chance to get close to her, and even though everything hurt, she quickly stood up and walked a few steps back to the opposite side of the bed.

“Wh-What are you doing here?” Maggie asked coldly.

“Maggie-” The redhead shifted to step closer to Maggie again.

Maggie held her hand up, preventing Alex to come any closer. “What are you doing here, Danvers?” She repeated.

Puzzled by the other woman’s reaction, Alex hardened her features again and straightened her stance.

“What do you think I’m doing here?! Were you really never gonna tell me about this?!”

Ignoring the question, Maggie frowned. “How are you even here?! I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to be here. No one can be here.”

“That doesn’t matter. Now answer the damn question, Maggie!”

Maggie swallowed, and avoiding the other woman’s glare she firmly said, “There was nothing to tell you.”

“Cut the crap, Maggie! I know why you’re here! And I can’t fucking believe you never told me anything!”

“Tell you what exactly?!”

“About Thompson!” She shouted. “And about this!” She gestured around with her hands.

They heard a deliberate and rather loud throat clearing outside and had the decency to lower their voices.

“Why?” Alex paused. “Just tell me why you never told me, Maggie. Please.”

“Who told you?”

Alex sighed. “Doesn’t matter.”

“It was Winn, wasn’t it? That little-”

“It wasn’t Winn.”

There was a brief silence.

“It was Kevin. And he told me everything, Maggie, even the part _he_ played in it; so don’t you dare lie to me again.”

“I wasn’t the one telling lies,” Maggie deflected.

But Alex was having none of it. “Maggie!”

“I couldn’t do it, okay?!” She blurted. “I didn’t…want to.”

“But… Why?” Alex insisted. “I thought- I thought we were supposed to tell each other everything.”

“Because I was ashamed!” Maggie finally let out. “Ashamed of what I did, ashamed of…” She sighed and, bowing her head down, sat back on the bed. “All my life I prided myself on being a good cop; a decent one, and an honest one. But what I did… what I did was unacceptable. I became what I despise the most, a corrupt cop, and that… just- I couldn’t bear the idea of you thinking, of you _knowing_ that about me. Especially after… especially after you had told me you loved me for the first time.” She explained, feeling so vulnerable. “And so I swore to myself, and made your sister promise me as well, we’d both take this secret to our graves. I guess I just was naive enough to believe I’d get away with it.”

“Wait, Kara knew?” Alex asked in complete surprise.

“Kara saved my ass, Alex,” Maggie let a breathless, very ironic laugh out. “Hadn’t been for her, I-,” she sighed again, deeply, taking both her hands to her face.

“Maggie…” Alex whispered, taking a chance and cautiously sitting beside her ex-fiancée. When it seemed Maggie wasn’t about to push her away, she continued. “Those things you’re saying about yourself, they aren’t true. You are not-”

“Oh, but they are! You know, that night, before we talked over the camera, before Kara… before she messed up, I really had hope. I really thought I could talk Malverne into telling me where he had you, but after Kara’s reckless move cost us sixteen hours of the time you had left I-” Maggie gulped. “You wanna know what was going through my mind at that moment? That I had to save you. That I had to do _anything_ to bring you back home. No matter what. No matter how. No matter the cost,” she confessed. “Every day I risk my life for humans and aliens I don’t even know, and when my girlfriend, my best friend and the most important person in my life, was kidnapped I knew that nothing else mattered. So I went back to Malverne, and I let him talk me into it. And he saw right through me. Malverne, he- he realized that if he was going to get what he wanted, he would get it through me, because I was willing to do everything, _anything_ , to save you.”

_Love can make people do things that they don’t normally do._

“And I knew, I fucking knew what I was getting into, but I just didn’t care. I just had to do it, I just had to save you. So I did it. I sneaked into the DEO armory, stole some high-tech stuff, borrowed your alien gun and went to that prison. And yes, Kevin helped me break into it so I wouldn’t get caught by the surveillance cameras, and when I was finally in I went straight to Thompson. We were almost out when your sister showed up, she told me you wouldn’t want me to do it, and _she_ talked Thompson into it. S _he_ made him confess where Malverne had you. And that was it.”

Alex carefully listened to every word of the story. “You could’ve just told me that. I would’ve never judged you for it, and what’s more, I could've-”

“Please, Alex, don’t. I don’t need that right now.”

“But I think you do!” Alex insisted, shifting a little bit closer to Maggie. “I know you, Maggie. Right now you think you deserve all of this that is happening to you, but you don’t. It was Malverne who got into your head, he made you believe it was the only option, and it was! If you hadn’t gone to Thompson, maybe the story would’ve been different and I wouldn’t be here right now.”

There was a brief pause where Alex hoped Maggie would look back at her.

“You just did what you had to do. And I can assure you, you didn’t do anything I wouldn’t have done for you,” she assured with a soft voice and with soft eyes.

“That doesn’t make me any less of a criminal.”

“You’re not a criminal, Maggie Sawyer. You’re the best police detective I’ve ever known, the best partner I’ve ever had, and the most reliable person I’ve ever had the honor to work with. Even if it was Kara the one that managed to get Thompson to say where Malverne had me, you’re the reason I could make it out alive of that fucking tank,” Alex vehemently said. “If it wasn’t for you, Maggie… I- You saved me! You don’t belong here, and you certainly don’t deserve to be here!”

When it was obvious Maggie wouldn’t relent, Alex let a frustrated sigh out her mouth, bowing her head in defeat. She could be so fucking stubborn when she wanted to be.

A heavy silence fell between them, and when Alex looked around the cell really taking in the dusky, cold compacted space —the toilet, the sink, a concrete table coming from the wall with a concrete bench as well, and the shitty bed they were sat on— a dark thought came into her mind. Taking a deep breath in, she reluctantly asked a question she wasn’t sure she wanted the answer to.

“Do you regret it?”

Maggie’s neck almost cracked with how quickly she snapped her head back at the redhead, seemingly offended by the question. “What kind of question is that, Danvers? Of course I don’t! Do I wish I would’ve had another option? Hell, yeah. But that doesn’t mean I regret doing what I did. I’d _never_ regret doing what I did, Alex. Never.”

Alex stared at her for a long second before lowering her look. “Even if it means going to jail?”

Maggie avoided Alex’s eyes again, looking forward and shrugging. “I broke the law, it’s what I deserve.”

“To save me!”

Weary of the conversation, Maggie abruptly stood on her feet again, though not without feeling like a knife was spiking at her ribs and at her right leg. “Look, I already told you everything you wanted to know, Danvers. Why are you still even here?” Maggie asked, her tough demeanor back again.

This time, when she looked back at Alex, Maggie saw the redhead’s brow furrow in concern as she quickly stood and rushed over her.

“You’re bleeding!” Alex exclaimed, gently taking hold of Maggie’s forearm and examining it. “Maggie, who the hell did this to you?!”

Maggie quickly yanked her arm from Alex’s soft, warm hands. “It’s nothing.”

“Who was it?”

Maggie stayed quiet, disregarding the question.

“Who did this to you?!” She insisted fervorously.

“It was Roulette, alright!” She blurted. “She sent her…people, I guess, to give me a welcome reception.”

“Roulette?!” Alex asked, taken aback. “I thought we left her back in Maaldoria.”

“Yeah, well, you know Roulette. She’s…resourceful.”

“Let me take a look,” Alex said, raising her hands in an attempt to cup her face and examine the bruises.

But Maggie took a quick step back and waved her off. “I’m fine.”

“You're not fine. Look at you, they could’ve killed you!”

“But they didn't.”

“This time! But what about the next one?”

Maggie rolled her eyes. “There won't be a next one. Roulette just wanted to send a message, that's all.”

“Maggie.”

“And it was my fault,” Maggie said. “I let my guard down.”

“This isn’t right.” Alex disapproved. “You’re not supposed to be with other inmates, I thought that was the whole purpose of this fucking hole!”

“Yeah, well, like I said, Roulette _is_ resourceful.”

Shaking her head, Alex gritted her jaw in anger. “No, no, no, this isn’t right, Maggie. You’re coming with me.”

“Yeah, right,” she snarked.

“I mean it, Maggie. I’m bailing you out,” Alex said, unwavering.

“You what?!” She scoffed. “You don’t have two million dollars.”

“I don’t. But I can get it, and I will. I already made some calls.”

Maggie gaped at her for a moment. “Wh-what?!”

“You can’t be here any longer.”

“Danvers, what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m getting you out of here,” she said, matter-of-factly. “It’s the least I can do for you, Maggie.”

And there it was, the _guilt_. Alex felt responsible for it and that was why she was here. That’s exactly why Maggie didn’t want her to know, among other reasons. She didn’t need Alex’s pity, she didn’t need anything from her.

Furrowing her brow, Maggie firmly shook her head in refusement. “No you’re not. I don’t want your help, Danvers. I don’t need it.”

“Maggie, I understand you being angry at me for this, for what you had to do to save my life, for what ever happened between us, but all I want is to help you! So why won’t you let me?!”

“I have the help I need. My lawyer is taking good care of me.”

“Oh, yeah, I can see that clearly,” Alex laughed ironically, vaguely weaving at her bruises. “They’re doing an outstanding job!”

Maggie rolled her eyes.

Relenting and softening her tone, Alex took a step closer. “Kevin told me you pushed everybody away, that you don’t let them visit you, but, Maggie, you don’t have to go through this alone, you can count on your friends, you can count- you can count on _me_. So please, let me help you.”

“No.”

Exasperated, Alex huffed, “Jesus, Maggie, why do you have to be so arrogant?! Why do you have to be such a-”

“Resented bitch?!” Maggie cut her off.

Alex’s demeanor completely changed. Her shoulders sagged and her features softened in realization.

“I see,” the redhead gulped, abashed. “ _That_ is what this is about?”

“It’s not,” Maggie muttered, regretting bringing that memory back.

“You know I didn’t mean that, right?” Alex began. “I never meant a word of what I said that day.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“It does. I acted like a bitch and said horrible things, things I never - _ever_ \- thought about you. And I’m terribly sorry for that,” she said with sincere regret. “I just, I knew I had fucked up and I felt like I was losing control, which I was! I just-”

“Alex.”

“I’m really sorry, Maggie. For the way I acted and for the things I said.”

“I don’t need your apologies. I don’t need your help. I don’t need anything from you, Alex,” Maggie said, sharply. “I just want you to leave me alone.”

“Maggie…” 

“Just go, Alex. And don’t ever come back. Please.”

“Don’t do this,” Alex begged, her eyes full of anguish. “Don’t push me away like this.”

“You did that, not me,” Her tone was cold and blase, and she could see dejection in Alex’s eyes.

For a long second, they held each other’s gaze. They always had this _connection_ between them that they didn’t need to put into words what they wanted to say to each other. One look into each other’s eyes was enough for them to understand what was going through the other one’s mind. And Maggie could see right through Alex’s eyes how hard the redhead was refraining from launching herself at Maggie and hug her. And she was pretty sure Alex knew —even if Maggie would never admit it out loud—that Maggie was dying for her to do just that.

But Alex didn’t. Perhaps for the first time in her life, and the only time Maggie wished she hadn’t, Alex respected Maggie’s request and reluctantly turned on her heels to head for the door. 

“Alex,” Maggie called one last time, making Alex look back at her.

“It’s not your fault I’m here,” she mused, and then added, “You don’t owe me anything.”

With a look full of sadness and unshed tears, begging to dissent, Alex opted to remain quiet and walk away.

* * *

She broke in Jessica’s arms. 

Jess had come to visit her and now they were in the visiting room. The moment Maggie saw her, she threw herself into the lawyer's arms and broke down in tears. All that confidence, all that strength that distinguished her now were gone. She was sobbing, and she couldn’t even care. And Jess, far from being awkward or trying to pull away, just hugged her strongly as she softly rubbed soothing circles on her back, comforting her.

“Hey,” Jess whispered in the softest way possible.

“I- I-,” Maggie stuttered, trying to compose herself.

“Shh, just let it all out, I’ve got you.”

And Maggie did. She cried disconsolately for a few long minutes before she was able to stand straight and sit on the chair, quickly followed by Jess.

“Sorry for ruining your shirt,” She apologized, abashed after seeing the lawyer’s wet and wrinkled silk shirt.

“Ah, it’s not the first piece of clothing you’ve ruined from me,” Jess joked, a playful smirk on her face.

Maggie let out a genuine laugh. “That looks expensive, though.”

“So were _those_ panties,” she winked.

Maggie laughed again, her dimples even showing.

Jess smiled softly and reached across the table to take Maggie’s hands into hers. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah, I-,” She lowered her head, sheepishly. “Thanks for that. I’m… I’m really glad you’re here.”

Jess nodded sympathetically. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Nah, it’s…stupid.”

“I bet it’s not.”

She shook her head, letting go of Jess’ hands and fidgeting with her fingers on her lap under the table.

“C’mon, Mags. Don’t shut yourself down, talk to me,” Jess insisted.

She knew she should talk about it, what she wasn’t so sure about was whether her lawyer was the right person to do that with. Alex was such a sore topic for her, and she didn’t feel comfortable talking about her with just anyone—not that Jess was just anyone, but she didn’t feel that level of confidence with her yet. Besides, why would she want to hear about Alex anyways?

Deciding to keep it safe, Maggie exhaled a deep quivering breath.

“It's just… it's everything, you know? It's this place, it’s the trial, it’s my career, it’s-”

“Your ex?” Jess cut in.

_Well, so much for keeping it safe._

She was going to say Thompson, but yeah, ultimately everything led to Alex.

Maggie chuckled, unamused. “Am I that obvious?”

Jess didn’t answer, and just pressed forward. “What happened?”

She wasn’t fooling anyone. And if it wasn’t Jess, who then? She was alone in this goddamn place. 

“She came,” Maggie started. “Early this morning. She… Well, Kevin, my partner, had to open his stupid big mouth and tell her everything. So she came demanding some answers, and I had no other option than to give them to her. I told her the truth about that day, about how desperate I was feeling, about how I would’ve done whatever it took to save her, about never regretting anything I did. Then I told her about Roulette and she said she was bailing me out.”

There was no point in telling all the details.

“Yet you’re still here,” Jess pointed out.

“Because I refused her help,” She said, matter-of-factly.

Trying to keep calm, Jess inhaled deeply and straightened her stance as she intertwined her fingers on the table. “And why _on earth_ would you do that, Maggie?”

“Because I don’t want her pity. Because she doesn’t care. Because she just feels guilty for all this,” Maggie argued. “I don’t need her, Jess. And I certainly don’t want to owe her anything.”

“Maggie, I don’t mean to sound pessimistic or scare you or anything like that, but you really need all the help you can get.”

“Yeah, but not hers, Jess. I don’t want anything from her.”

Jess lowered her look as if considering her next words and then glanced up again. “She cares for you.”

Shaking her head, she answered. “She doesn't.”

“She does, Maggie.”

“She just feels guilty. She just feels she owes me. And she doesn’t-, she doesn’t owe me anything.”

Jess sighed. “She came to my office today, you know?” When she caught Maggie’s full attention, she continued. “She was worried. And well, furious, too.”

 _That_ was unexpected. She had clearly told Alex to stay away, and the first thing she does is go to see her lawyer? What the fuck?

“And let me just say, _damn_ , you certainly like them bossy, don’t ya?” Jess tried to lighten the mood.

“Wh-what did she tell you?”

“Well, first she shouted at me, reproching me how I could have let them _cage_ you. And then, she told me about your, uh, welcome party,” she said, pointing at Maggie’s bruised face.

“I’m sorry about that. She shouldn’t have gone to you. None of this is your fault.”

“Well, this,” Jess said looking around the room, “maybe not, but that,” she pointed directly at her face, “definitely is. I should’ve asked for a list of inmates and checked there weren’t any you actually had history with. I should’ve known better than to assume that by being isolated you were going to be safe,” she berated herself.

“No, you didn’t know about Roulette.”

“Exactly my point,” she argued. “Does it hurt too much?”

“Like a fucking bitch. Son ‘o bitches kicked the ass outta me.”

“How did that happen? They had strict orders to keep you safe.”

“They ambushed me at the shower stalls. There were a bunch of them, I fought back but eventually they outnumbered me.

“I’m sorry they did that, Mags. Will you be able to ID them? I’ll make sure to make them pay for this. And the guards that were supposed to be there looking after you too,” Jess said, a determined look in her eyes.

“You do what you gotta do, but honestly, I don’t think it will make any difference. This is Roulette we’re talking about, that bitch is powerful, even in jail she is still in charge,” Maggie said, appearing resigned.

“So am I,” Jess affirmed, with great confidence. “I’ll ask the guards to give you something for the pain, yeah?”

“I’ll appreciate that.”

Both smiled at each other and fell silent for a moment. Then Maggie spoke again.

“What, uh, what else did she say?” She asked, trying hard to sound nonchalant. “Alex, I mean.”

“She asked me to convince you to reconsider her offer. Which now I know what she meant.”

At that, Maggie rolled her eyes.

“And to fucking do my job, or else.”

Cocking a brow, “Or else?” 

“Or else.”

Maggie let a dry laugh out. “Don’t worry, she’s harmless.”

“I beg to differ,” Jess mumbled. “It’s okay, though. It’s not the first time I’ve been threatened.”

“Jess, I’m so sorry she made you go through that,” She said, feeling responsible.

“Hey, don’t, okay? I get it. And that’s actually why I know she genuinely cares for you. She could’ve just taken the answer you gave her, but no, she insisted, she came to talk to me-”

“Threaten you, you mean,” Maggie muttered.

“Look, I’m not saying you should go and take her back, Maggie. All I’m saying is, if you are gonna refuse her help, at least find a valid reason to do so, because saying she doesn’t care isn’t one,” Jess admonished.

Maggie listened to Jess’ words and took a moment to really take them in.

“You know, when I asked her to leave she had this… _look_ in her eyes that _shattered_ me,” she confessed, all vulnerable. “And it made me feel like- All I wanted, right there and right then, was to hold her and tell her that this wasn’t her fault, and for her to hold me back and tell me that everything was going to be okay. But I couldn’t do that, because I feel so…fucking mad at her. I feel so…”

Softly, Jess prompted, “Hurt?”

Maggie assented.

“But I can’t help it. It’s not like I want to feel that way, or that I choose to do it. I just… Everytime I think of her I get this _pain_ in my chest, and it aches so fucking much. And today, seeing her, having her in front of me, I felt like I wanted to fucking punch her face; like, I didn’t know why she was here, why she had to come. Like, it was so selfish of her.”

She paused, while Jessica listened carefully.

“She broke me, Jess,” Maggie confessed, in a quavering voice, laden with grief and tears. “She loved me so hard, she helped me heal, she promised me a lifetime together. And then one day, only days before our wedding, just like that, she threw me away,” a heavy tear streamed down her face. “Like I was nothing,” she added, sniffling. “Now, I can't- I just… I _can’t_ allow myself to take anything from her,” adamantly shaking her head. “I just can’t.”

Jessica understood. It wasn’t arrogance; it wasn’t stubbornness. It was so much more than that, it was what little dignity Maggie had left. She nodded, and softly held her hand again.

“But you wanna know what the worst part is? Even after everything she did to me, even after all the anger I have towards her, I can’t hate her. And it’d be so fucking helpful if I could at least forget her, but I can’t seem to be able to do that either. And I can’t stop- _can’t stop_ loving her. And I don’t know I ever will.”

“Hey, you will, okay?” Jess said, now holding both her hands and looking for Maggie’s avoiding eyes. “I know this whole situation must be incredibly overwhelming and it’s messing with your head. But I also know you’ll get through it because I promise you, Maggie Sawyer, I’ll bust my ass off to get you out of here,” she assured, looking right into Maggie’s eyes with confident ones. “You’re young, you’re tough and you’re incredibly beautiful, Maggie. You have a whole life ahead of you and out there, and any woman would be honoured to call you hers. So, don’t give up on me, okay? Promise me you’ll hang in there and focus on yourself and on getting out of here.”

Holding the other woman’s deep gaze with the same intensity, Maggie firmly nodded.

“Thank you,” she breathed out. “So much.”

“For what?”

“For listening to me. For being there for me.”

Tugging up a light smile, Jess whispered, “Anytime, Mags.”

There was something about Jessica, in her eyes, in the way she held her hands, that conveyed her confidence. Perhaps it was just Maggie that in her despair to find something to hold on to, was imagining it. But she felt she could trust her. And she did. They went way back, Maggie was a rookie for the GPD and Jessica was starting her career as a lawyer. They were young and in love, but life and widely differing opinions eventually drifted them apart, for while Maggie worked her ass off every day and night to put the bad guys in jail, Jessica dedicated herself to getting them out. Maggie knew that didn’t make her a bad person, Jessica has always known what she wanted from life and has always been ambitious, which only made her determined and very good at her job.

“Do we know how long until the trial?” Maggie then asked.

“Nothing yet,” Jess pursed her lips. “But that’s good, that means they haven’t found anything against you yet. Let’s hope it continues that way, alright?”

Both smiled optimistically at each other and Maggie was about to speak again when Jess’ phone went off. The lawyer reached inside her briefcase and when she saw the caller ID her features changed drastically.

“Shit,” she muttered, staring at the screen.

“What? Who is it?” Maggie inquired, an anxious look in her eyes.

Glancing up at her, she answered. “It’s from the DA’s office.”

A sudden dread fell deep in Maggie’s chest, followed by a cold shiver that ran through her whole body.

“Hello?” Jess answered, and the next few seconds felt like years for Maggie. “(...) Yes, this is her. (...) That is right. (...) I beg your pardon? (...) What?! When?! (...) But, what do you mean he- (...) Okay, I understand. (...) Yes, I’ll do that right away then. (...) Of course, first thing in the morning tomorrow. (...) Likewise, goodbye,” she ended the call.

“Well?” Maggie prompted, feeling extremely anxious.

“It was the DA,” Jess mumbled.

“Yeah, you said that already, what did she tell you? When is the trial?”

“There- There won’t be a trial, Maggie,” she conveyed.

“What? What do you mean?”

“The DA, she wanted to let me know that Thompson dropped the charges,” she finally let out. “Maggie, you’re free!”

Gaping, all Maggie could do was stare. Stare at Jessica, who was expectant, waiting for Maggie to say something, to do something.

“Maggie!” She shouted, prompting her out of her thoughts.

“Wh- … I-, I don’t- I don’t understand.”

“She told me Thompson confessed he made all up, that he stated everything he said was a lie and that he was dropping the charges against you,” Jess explained. “And that you’d be released, effective immediately,” she added, with the biggest and most satisfying grin Maggie has ever seen.

Maggie’s lips slowly started to tug into a big grin as well, until something hit one her.

“Wait,” she said, frowning again and looking somewhat troubled. “You said he _confessed_ he lied? That doesn’t make sense.”

Jess rolled her eyes. “Okay, Sawyer, I need you to shut your pretty mouth, smile and go pack your stuff because I’m taking you out of here this instant!” She ordered, standing up and grabbing her briefcase as well as Maggie’s hand.

After all the formalities and legal procedures were handled by her lawyer while she changed out of that awful orange jumpsuit, Maggie was handed back all the belongings they took when they arrested her. As she was being escorted through the administrative section’s hallways and out of the facility, she spotted Jess already waiting for her with a joyful gaze and a broad grin.

“Ready to go home?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

* * *

The ride back home was quiet. To say Maggie was surprised was an understatement. She was astonished, but mostly she was confused about the recent events. Sure, she was thrilled she was a free woman again, but that didn’t mean the fact that Thompson confessed _a lie_ wasn’t whirling in her head. First of all, you can’t confess a lie. It’s a contradiction, it makes no sense. And second, _why?_ Why would he lie? She couldn’t stop thinking about that, and her mind could think of only one possible answer to that question: _Alex_. Maggie had no doubts she had something to do with this, and she was determined to find out _why_ , after she had explicitly told her to not interefere and to stay the fuck away of it.

“Maggie!” Jess found herself pulling her out of her thoughts again.

“I’m sorry,” Maggie said, coming back to reality. “You were saying?”

Raising a concerned eyebrow, the lawyer asked, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. I just… I can’t believe I'm going home.”

“Well, believe it, because that’s where I’m taking you right now,” Jess grinned.

Was this some kind of dream? Would she wake up if she pinched her own arm? Maggie was having trouble fathoming that what was happening was actually real.

“And, uh, speaking of…” She trailed. “I know you’ve been living in that motel for the last few weeks, but I was wondering if, maybe, you’d like to crash in my apartment tonight?”

Maggie immediately shook her head. “No, I can’t ask you that, too.”

“I’m offering, aren’t I?”

“You’ve done so much for me already, Jess. I-”

“Mags,” she interrupted. “I’ve seen the place you live, no one deserves to live there, and definitely not you.”

As Maggie opened and closed her mouth trying to come up with a retort, Jess insisted.

“Look, just for a few days until you find a worthy place for you, okay? Even more, if you’d like it, tomorrow I can help you find it myself,” she proposed with a wishful smile.

“I appreciate your enthusiasm, but a _place_? I don’t even have a job anymore, how the hell am I supposed to afford a rent?!” She grumbled. She didn’t mean to sound disrespectful, but the sole thought of being unemployed drove her nuts.

“Hey, no, listen to me. You have a job, okay? You were on mandatory leave, but you still have your job waiting for you,” she assured.

Maggie nodded and exhaled a deep sigh out, letting all the anxiety wear off.

“Also, we will immediately fill a lawsuit against the IAD for damages, and that’s gonna get you a healthy income as well,” Jess remarked, raising her eyebrows with an ambitious smirk.

“What?! No, I won’t.”

“Uh, yes you will,” Jess countered. “You have an amazing opportunity here, I won’t let you waste it, Sawyer.”

“What are you talking about, Jess?”

“Maggie, you were accused and charged over a lie-”

“It wasn’t a lie.”

“For the justice it was! The fact that Thompson attested it and dropped the charges changes the game, and now _you_ get to make the rules. The way I see it now, Maggie, you are the victim, no matter what the actual truth is.”

“I don’t care,” Maggie retorted, stubbornly shaking her head. “It’s not right.”

Jess snorted. “Darling, if justice actually were about rightness, I wouldn’t be a lawyer.”

Before Maggie could insist on her stubbornness, the lawyer quickly changed the subject.

“So, what do you say? My place? I’ll even let you take the bed.”

Pursing her lips in consideration, Maggie tugged a gentle smile and finally nodded.

“Okay. The couch is good enough, though.”

“Hey, my house, my rules,” Jess joked, faking a frown. “You’ll take the bed, you deserve it. And I don’t mean to sound rude but you certainly need a proper night of sleep because you look like shit, Mags,” she laughed.

“I do feel like it.”

“See? I’ll take the couch,” Jess winked and smiled softly.

Stopping at a red light, Maggie took the opportunity to reach out and kindly take Jessica’s right hand into hers.

“Thank you,” she said with the gentlest voice ever. “For everything.”

“You don’t have to thank me anything, Mags. What you had to go through, you didn’t deserve that. You’re a good person.”

Maggie scoffed. “Agree to disagree?”

Shaking her head, Jessica rolled her eyes in frustration.

“I don’t deserve any-”

Pouting and leaning her head on the headrest with a dramatic sigh, Jess exclaimed, “C’mon, not again, Maggie!”

Bursting into laughter, they continued their ride to Jess’ apartment.

She had been in jail only three days, but it had felt like a lifetime. Seventy-two hours where she didn’t sleep, where she didn’t eat, where she didn’t even see the light of day. On top of everything Jessica had done for her, she also had been thoughtful enough to let her stay in her apartment. And Maggie had to admit, going back to that filthy motel she had been living in before being arrested was as appealing as staying in her cell. She would be forever grateful to Jessica, not only for the legal support she selflessly offered her but for the friendship too.

The moment they arrived at the apartment, Jessica kindly invited Maggie to take a long, warm, and very longed for bath. Maggie genuinely had no idea when was the last time she had the time and the means to actually have a decent _and_ fancy bath like the one she was having now, though she figures it was probably at Alex’s.

 _Alex_.

It couldn’t be just a coincidence that the day she finds out about Maggie being in jail Peter Thompson suddenly backs off and drops the charges, alleging that everything he had said back then had been a lie. And Maggie didn’t believe in coincidences, so it _had_ to be Alex. It was the only thing that made sense; otherwise, why on earth would Peter Thompson back off and miss on the opportunity of his disgusting criminal life. Maybe she threatened him, or maybe she pulled some strings to make a deal for Maggie, it could’ve been anything really, but she was absolutely sure Alex Danvers had something to do with it and Maggie was determined to prove it and face her.

When Maggie was starting to look like a raisin, she got out of the bathtub and got dressed into some comfy pajamas Jess had been, once again, kind enough to lend her. Minutes later, and almost following the delicious smell of real food and walking into the dinning room she spotted Jessica already waiting for her standing beside the table and holding two glasses of red wine.

‘ _Just enough for a toast_ ’, Jess had said as she handed her the glass. They toasted to freedom and to friendship and together they enjoyed a nice and delicious dinner. After finishing, although Maggie had insisted in helping Jess with the dishes, the latter offered her some meds for the pain and wisely advised her to go to bed, as both her mind and her body needed proper rest after the crazy few days she had gone through.

* * *

Everything was dark. She couldn’t see anything, she couldn’t feel anything. She looked around, trying to distinguish anything among the dark but she couldn’t even see her own hands. Suddenly, a single bright white light went off and she saw Alex under the spotlight. She was sitting on a chair, gagged and with her hands tied behind her back. She was trying to scream, but the sounds came out muffled and her eyes yelled fear and desperation. She was trying to call for help.

Maggie tried to run towards her, to untie her, to ungag her, to _help_ her, but her feet weren’t moving. She tried and tried, but it was like they were glued to the dark floor. ‘ _Alex_ ’ she tried, but all she got in response was a desperate and incomprehensible ‘ _Mmmggggeee!_ ’. ‘ _I can’t move, Alex, I’m trying but I can’t!_ ’ She said next, desperately trying to move her feet, but failing.

She then spotted a blue light next to Alex's face, and squinting hard, she could see it was a gun, but not any gun, it was Alex’s alien gun, and it was being pointed right at Alex’s temple. Suddenly a deep and familiar voice rumbled through the place: ‘ _She’s going to die._ ’ It was the voice of a man, and while she couldn’t see his face, she did recognize him. Rick Malverne.

‘ _No!_ ’ Maggie found herself shouting, begging. ‘ _No, please, don’t kill her, please!!!_ ’. ‘ _But you didn’t free my dad, and I warned you if you didn’t she would die. So now, she will._ ’ And Maggie realized, it was a reckoning, a punishment for never releasing Peter Thompson.

‘ _Wait! No, I-I tried but I couldn’t do it! Supergirl, she-she stopped me from doing it, I really tried but I couldn’t. I’m so, sorry, but please, please don’t kill her!!_ ’ Maggie begged again. She felt the physical pain of the anguish, of being powerless, of feeling useless. Her face was wet with tears, and her head was pounding.

‘ _But I have to kill her, you didn’t make good on your promise of releasing my dad._ ’ Malverne insisted, and she saw how the gun—as if floating in the air— pressed itself harder on Alex’s temple.

‘ _No!_ ’ Maggie screamed again, trying once again to move her feet but failing all the same. ‘ _No, please, don’t do it! I’ll do anything, anything, just-please, please, don’t kill her!_ ’

‘ _I already told you what I want. That’s the price. My dad for the life of your girlfriend._ ’ She heard the voice demand.

‘ _Okay, okay, I’ll do it. I’ll free your dad, I promise, just let her go! Please, let her go…_ ’

‘ _Will you, Maggie Sawyer? Will you really free my dad this time? Are you willing to do that, risk everything to save...her?_ ’ The voice- Malverne asked in an unexpected judging voice.

‘ _Yes!_ ’ Maggie asked, without even stopping a second to ponder, to consider, to think on the consequences.

‘ _Even if it means losing everything?_ ’ His voice came out as a sneer. ‘ _She’s my everything, I don’t need anything else, so please, don’t pull that trigger._ ’ She answered, just as quickly as before.

Suddenly the lights went out, and a deafening silence invaded the room for a couple of seconds, until the voice spoke again. ‘ _You had your chance, detective. And you wasted it. Now it’s time your dear Alex pays the consequences of your actions._ ’

First she saw how the blue light came to life again only to quickly turn into a red one, and then she heard the sound of the gun loading and about to go off. In that same instant, her eyes found Alex’s, and the fear and despair Maggie saw in them almost killed her. She was trying more than ever, with her feet, with her arms, with her _everything_ , but she couldn’t make a single fucking move. Alex was about to die and she wasn’t able to even move her pinky.

‘ _No!_ ’ She cried out loud, her voice hoarse and deep with distress. ‘ _Alex! Alex! Alex!_ ’

“Maggie, Maggie, Maggie!” She heard another voice coming from far away as she felt her shoulder being poked. “Maggie!”

Her eyes suddenly shot open and she jolted.

“Wh-what? What happened?!” Maggie asked, exalted and breathing heavily.

“Hey, you’re okay, Mags, you’re okay!” She tried calming her.

“Fuck,” she growled, dropping her head into her hands, her eyes wet.

_It had been the same nightmare again._

_That same fucking horrible nightmare._

“Bad dream?”

Maggie nodded.

“Wanna talk about it?” Jess offered, softly.

It had been truly awful. It had felt so real. She had felt so desperate, so powerless. Her whole body ached—and not precisely because of the beating—, her head pounded, and she felt an excruciating pain in her chest. She was racked.

However, as she rubbed her eyes and wiped her tears, Maggie shook her head. She didn’t want to talk about that with anyone. _Ever_.

“Alright. But do you feel okay?” She checked.

“Yeah, I’m… I’m fine.”

Jess clearly didn’t think the same, but accepted Maggie’s answer nonetheless.

“I just came from the DA’s office,” Jess started.

“What, already?” She frowned. Suddenly noticing the shiney day outside, she asked, “What time is it?”

“Quarter to twelve,” Jess smiled softly. “But it’s okay, you needed to sleep.”

Maggie groaned and let herself fall on the bed again, covering her face with the blankets.

“How ya feeling?” Jess checked. “Did you get any rest?”

“How much of a slacker am I if I say I feel as tired as I did yesterday? After sleeping like fourteen hours straight.”

Jess laughed. “To be fair, you can’t do anything straight, Sawyer,” she joked, pulling a genuine laugh out of Maggie. “And don’t worry, it’s actually normal to feel that way. Just now your body is having the chance to really relax and let all the adrenaline and preoccupation come down,” she explained.

Narrowing her eyes at her, Maggie teased, “Is that right, Dr. Carter?”

Jess chuckled. “It’s just common sense.”

Sitting on the bed and leaning back against the headboard, Maggie turned serious again. 

“So, what did the DA say?”

Matching her features and urging her to move a bit to the side, Jess sat next to her.

“It was just a formality, really. She explained to me exactly why they decided to drop the charges against you as well as showed me the statement signed by Thompson himself, where he, under oath, claims that the accusations against you had been lies and that he had started to design his plan the same day you visited him in jail to interrogate him about a case you were investigating at the moment,” she explained.

Maggie frowned, confused. “What about the evidence they found?”

“He declared he planted it himself.”

“B-but what about the fingerprints and all that shit?”

“Well, since the evidence has been discarded, there won’t be any further investigation on it,” Jess shrugged.

None of it made sense to Maggie. There was no fucking way Thompson had done that willingly, and Maggie coulnd’t stop thinking Alex had something to do with this. And that certainly unsettled her.

“You know, you must be the first and only person to not be happy to be cleared of charges,” Jess mumbled, noting Maggie’s lack of enthusiasm.

“It just, it doesn’t make sense,” Maggie insisted, running a hand through her hair.

“What does it matter, Mags? Besides, he may have just reassessed his wrong decisions and finally decided to do something right in his miserable life,” the lawyer suggested.

Maggie snorted, very amused by the naive idea. “Not likely. I remember Malverne saying his father would take the first chance he had to get the hell away from prison. He didn’t do this, Jess. And I’m going to find out who is behind this.”

“No, you’re not.”

“You don’t understand, I have to.”

“No, Sawyer. _You_ are the one who doesn’t understand. If you had gone to trial and if the evidence they found proved it was you who was there that night, you were going to spend at least 10 fucking years in prison, Maggie! So forget about the why’s and the who’s and the fucking how’s, and be grateful that that fucking idiot backed off and that you’re free,” she admonished. “Now you have to focus on the important stuff which is getting your life back.”

Truth was, Jess had a point. And a very valid one. Maggie was being stubborn and was worrying about something that at this point didn’t really make any difference. She was free now, and regardless of the why, it was already done.

Recoiling, Maggie nodded.

“Okay, you’re right,” she admitted. “I’m sorry.”

Softening her look, Jess relaxed her shoulders. “You don’t have to be sorry, Mags. You just have to rest and focus on getting your shit together,” and just for good measure, she added, “And I mean that respectfully.”

“I will.”

“Good,” Jess grinned and quickly got on her feet. “How does brunch sound?”

“Yummy?”

“You can bet on it,” she winked and turned to the bathroom, leaving a pensive Maggie still in bed.

So yeah, Jess did have a point. But Maggie was Maggie. And she sure as hell wasn’t about to rest until hearing Alex Danvers confess the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for: violence
> 
> Don't forget to leave Kudos and a comment if you liked it! ;)


	3. Chapter 3

The last time she stood in front of this door was when they had said goodbye. And honestly, she never imagined herself coming back. Alex had been determined and Maggie wasn’t too keen on coming back to the places where she wasn’t wanted or appreciated.

She remembered that day, _that evening_. She remembered every second, every word, every touch. She may have been a little tipsy from the tequila Alex’s great uncle Jerry had given them as a wedding present —a wedding that never happened— but she had been fully conscious about what she was doing. She had wanted it and she knew, she could feel it, Alex had wanted it just as much.

Up until that afternoon, Maggie had thought Alex was just making excuses to call things off between them, be it cold feet or whatever she wanted to call it, first adducing that her father wouldn’t be able to walk her down the aisle, then the stupid argument over band or dj—because, seriously, who argues about that?!—, and finally _kids_. Granted, they hadn’t been together for _that_ long, but in the time they were, Alex had never remarked on how cute she thought kids were or how much she wanted them, nor had she seen her interact with them. Ever. Or, well, not until that kid whatever-was-her-name at least. It had been so sudden that Maggie couldn’t feel guilty for at least having her doubts.

But after _begging_ her and getting a poor ‘ _I know, babe. But I want kids_ ’ in response, Maggie finally understood. _But_ I don’t want you. _But_ kids are more important. _But_ you’re not enough. It wasn’t cold feet or even lack of love, it was that she realized Maggie wasn’t worth it. Wasn’t worth the commitment. Wasn’t worth her love. Wasn’t worth giving up the _illusion_ of children. And sure, her family and her ex-girlfriends and every person Maggie ever cared about had made her feel that way; she was no stranger to the feeling. But the fact that Alex —the one that had made her _heal_ , the one that had made her _believe_ in love, that one that had promised her a _future_ together, a lifetime of firsts, the one that had made her believe she was _worthy_ , that she was _enough_ — had been the same person that said ‘ _I know_ _, babe._ _But_ _I want kids_ ’, _that_ was what hurt the most, that was what _broke_ her. That was _why_ Alex broke her.

After knocking twice on the door, it finally got to her. It was almost 2pm and even though it was Saturday, Maggie knew that the redhead was probably at the DEO, but in the rush to get her answers Maggie apparently didn’t realize the time. She turned on her heels and walked towards the elevator. Turning the corner, she was about to call the elevator when she heard her name.

“Maggie?”

She had actually come to talk to her, so why the hell did she paralize when she heard her voice, she didn’t know, but she did anyway. Slowly walking the same steps back, she saw a jittery Alex standing at the door frame, looking as astonished as Maggie did.

“Wh-what are you doing here?” She stuttered.

She looked nervous, edgy, as if she had been caught doing something bad.

Maggie opened her mouth, then closed it. For a second, she forgot what she was doing there, why had she come here.

Clearing her throat and looking everywhere but at Alex, she finally spoke.

“I, uh, I came to talk to you,” she managed. “To ask you something, actually.”

Alex blinked. “Okay?”

Suddenly realizing they were standing in the middle of the hall, Alex gulped and invited Maggie in.

“Um, do you- would you like to come inside?”

The last thing Maggie wanted was to step into that apartment again. Being at the building was torture enough and she couldn’t imagine what being inside of the apartment would feel like. But Alex had neighbours, very nosey neighbours, and she didn’t want to risk any of them eavesdropping on why and how had Alex managed to get her out of prison, so she nodded and reluctantly walked inside.

Up until then she hadn’t stopped to think about what the place would look like. But the fact that it looked exactly like the last time she walked out of there, like nothing had happened, like time hadn’t passed, somehow staggered Maggie. And, weirdly, it gave her the chills. Suddenly aware that Alex was expectantly staring at her, Maggie cleared her throat once again and started speaking. She wanted to know only one thing, the sooner she could walk away from Alex —again— the better.

“You don’t seem surprised I’m out,” Maggie remarked, her tone stiff.

Pursing her lips, Alex shrugged. “Winn told me this morning your charges were dropped and that you were released. What I’m definitely surprised about is you being here, I thought you said you never wanted to see me again.”

“Stop pretending, Danvers. You know why.”

Alex blinked and then frowned in confusion. “What are you talking about, Maggie?”

“Why? Tell me why did you do it?!” Not giving Alex a chance to answer, she asked again. “Was it for pity? Was it guilt? Why?!”

“Maggie-”

“Why, Alex?!” She exhorted with an almost broken voice. “I specifically told you to stay the fuck away. I didn’t need your help and I didn’t want anything coming from you!”

“Maggie, I don’t know what you're talking about!” Alex finally said.

“What, you expect me to believe Thompson woke up one morning and decided to drop the charges against me? Just like that?! Do you think I’m that fucking stupid?” She demanded again, even louder if it was even possible.

“You think I had something to do with that?!” She asked, scowling hard.

“I don’t think it, I _know_ it. And I just wanna know _why_.”

“You’re delusional, Maggie.”

“Don’t lie to me!”

“I’m not!” She countered. “Let me remind you that not only did you ask me to stay out of it but you also fucking pushed me away, Maggie. You shut me off and rejected any and every help I offered to you, so tell me, why the fuck would I go and do whatever you think I did?!” This time, Alex’s voice was blase and full of anger.

Maggie shook her head. She wasn’t buying it, or she didn’t want to. “You are lying.”

Rolling her eyes, the redhead exhaled a deep sigh and chose to stay quiet.

“You’ve run out of excuses?”

“No, I’ve actually run out of patience, Maggie. Who do you think you are, huh? To come here and accuse me of that? What the fuck, Maggie?!”

Alex’s eyes radiated fury, weariness, and something more Maggie couldn’t quite figure out. What if she was actually saying the truth? What were the chances of Maggie actually being wrong and Alex being ‘innocent’. Could that be possible? Taking a step back, Maggie recoiled.

“I-, I thought-”

“No, I know what you think. You think you are the centre of the universe, that everybody depends on you, on how you feel, on what you do, on what you don’t do. But no, Maggie. I have my own shit going on, I don’t have time for your nonsense. So stop being so annoyingly self-centred and grow up a little would you?”

Okay, she didn’t see that coming. She would have expected anything from Alex but this. This didn’t look like the Alex she knew, at all; it actually looked like the same Alex that had snapped at her a few weeks ago in that op they had run together, when everything went to shit. But Maggie saw right through her. This was defensive-Alex, the one that appeared to be all angry and offended because she was hiding something, be it pain, resentment, or a little secret she didn’t want Maggie to find out.

Now Maggie couldn’t say for certain that Alex had indeed had something to do with her release, but she couldn’t say she didn’t either. What was certain was that if the redhead did have something to do with it, she wasn’t about to confess it. So her coming here had been a complete waste of time.

Maggie nodded and started to turn towards the door when something on the coffee table caught her attention: a syringe. She stopped on her tracks so abruptly that Alex, who had turned right behind her to walk her out, collided into her, making her stumble for a second.

“Shit, sorry-”

But when she followed Maggie’s line of sight, she cut herself off.

Looking back at Alex, Maggie caught the exact moment where her tough look turned into an anxious one. Suddenly, all the jittery, the fidgeting, and the deer-in-the-headlights look when she opened the door seemed to make sense to Maggie as a dark thought came to her mind.

“Is that…?”

“It’s nothing, it’s just a- Excuse me, did you need to ask or accuse me or anything else? Because if you don’t I’d really like to continue with my day,” she said, that defensive pose again.

“Alex-”

Alex rolled her eyes and grunted, “I’m not a junkie, if that’s what you’re imagining. It’s just a medication, okay?”

She raised a questioning eyebrow at her. “Medication?”

“Look, Maggie, I’m happy you’re free and back at it and all that, but I promise you I had nothing to do with it. So, please, if you’re done with your questions I’d appreciate it if you’d go now.”

Maggie stared at her for a moment, trying to read her but, again, there was _that_ something that she couldn’t quite figure out in Alex's eyes. Maybe she was telling the truth, and her anxiety wasn’t about lying or not wanting to confess _that_ truth to Maggie, but about what she had been doing before Maggie knocked on her door; about the _medication_.

Figuring Alex wasn’t about to explain either way and wanting to respect the redhead’s privacy, Maggie nodded again and, without looking back, left.

Whatever just happened wasn’t like anything Maggie had expected to happen when she first decided to come face Alex. The redhead was acting all shady and mysterious, and Maggie wasn’t sure it had anything to do with her anymore. It certainly drew curiosity in her, but Alex was no longer Maggie’s and anything that happened to her didn’t concern her anymore, so she had no right to butt in her personal business.

* * *

Perhaps Jessica was right, and there was no use in wasting time and energy in trying to figure out the why’s and the how’s of Thompson backing off. Honestly, what had bothered Maggie about this whole situation had been the idea that Alex had somehow had had something to do with it, and as it was right now, she apparently hadn’t. So she decided to do as Jess advised and put all this mess behind her. She had important things to focus on now, and staying in the past wouldn’t help her look forward.

The first thing she had to focus on right now was work so, excited to report back to duty, she drove to the precinct.

“What’s up, Sawyer? Thought you were in Hawaii or something,” said one of her colleagues as she entered the building.

Faking an amused laugh, she retorted. “You know me, can’t stay away from the action, had to come back.”

She continued her way towards her captain’s office and after knocking on his door, she let herself in.

“Hawaii, huh?” She smirked as she approached her boss.

“Sawyer!” He exclaimed, an honest-to-God smile on his face. “It’s so good to see you again,” he said as he hugged her in an almost fatherly way.

“You too, sir.”

They pulled apart and with a soft and honest gaze, Maggie tilted her head and smiled kindly.

“Thank you,” she said.

“For what?”

Maggie scoffed. “Uh, for everything? For having my back, for getting me the best lawyer in National City, for kipping everything in the shadows. You saved me the humiliation.”

“Oh, c’mon, I knew you were innocent! What was the point of ruining our NCPD finest reputation over a misunderstanding, right? We take care of each other, Sawyer. Never forget about that.”

 _Innocent_. 

Maggie swallowed, feeling uncomfortable. She was a lot of things, but innocent wasn’t one of them. Forcing a smile, she nodded in agreement.

“I’m just sorry you had to go through that, you didn’t deserve it. Those assholes at IAD really messed up this time.” His words came out full of anger.

“How was jail anyway? I see you made some friends?” He nodded at her still noticeable bruises.

“Ah, you know me, always the sociable one.”

He laughed. “I see you didn’t lose your sense of humour, Sawyer.”

“Never, sir,” she forced another smile. “Uhm, so, when am I clear to report back to duty, Cap?”

Suddenly, Hardy’s amused features turned serious, bemused.

 _Uh-oh_.

“What do you mean, Sawyer?”

“I mean I’m free now, the charges against me have been dropped and I’m eager to be back.”

“Oh, I- …” He hesitated. “Did- they didn’t tell you?”

Maggie raised a questioning eyebrow at him.

“Tell me what?”

“Maggie, you’ve been demoted and reassigned to the 21st.”

She chuckled at the joke, amused. But somehow, captain Hardy’s wasn’t getting the fun on it.

“Sir?” Maggie prompted, expecting a further explanation.

“You don’t work here anymore, Sawyer. And you’re no longer a detective with the NCPD either.”

“What?!”

_This couldn’t be happening._

“Those fuckers from IAD moved too fast, the next day you were gone they found you a replacement. They never even consulted me. I’m so sorry, Maggie. Had I known they would do that I wouldn’t have let them.”

“I- You can’t be serious,” Maggie scowled.

“Believe me, I’m just as happy as you are. And what’s even worse, that knucklehead they put on your place is a fucking joke! He’s a damn rookie,” he grunted, clearly displeased.

“Who is he?”

“Daniel Phillips Jr.”

“Phillips? As in-”

“Lieutenant Phillips’ son, exactly.”

Maggie scoffed.

Everything made sense now. That explains why Phillips had been so adamant in speeding up the process without even giving her the benefit of the doubt. That ‘I just want to help you’ crap he pulled that day had been nothing but an attempt to sink her even more. He had probably planned this from the beginning. And he surely had been salivating to the idea of getting her out of the way to fit his dear son in her place.

 _What a disgusting pig_.

“I can’t believe this,” she whispered, bewildered.

“I know, it’s outrageous. And you can see why I saw myself forced to abide by their orders. They came from high-up,” he looked helpless.

Maggie sighed in disbelief. She couldn’t believe it, when would the misfortune ever stop? First her relationship, then her freedom, and now her job? Seriously, who the hell was messing around with her fate?!

Trying her hardest to not freak out and snap at her boss—he wasn’t responsible for any of it anyways—, she threw her face into her hands and inhaled a deep sigh trying to keep the calm.

“What the hell am I supposed to do now, cap?” She breathed out. “Why demoted?”

Hardy was out of explanations. He was as upset as Maggie, and all he could do was shake his head and shrug.

“I’m so sorry, Maggie. You know damn well how much you mean to this station and more specifically, to me. You are my best detective, and they took that away from me, too,” he said with honesty. “All I can suggest to you is to be patient. I’m sure that clumsy dumbass will fuck up anytime soon and _then_ I’ll have a reason to kick him out and bring you back here, where you belong. But until then, my hands are tied.”

Maggie nodded in resignation.

“In the meantime, it’s worth saying I’m doing everything to clear your record and get you your rank back. It’s the least I can do for you,” he promised.

“Thanks, sir. Really, thanks for everything.”

He shook his head, weaving her off. “Nah, c’mon. You’re my girl, Sawyer. I just wish I could’ve done more.”

“I know,” she nodded. “But what you’ve done already has been more than enough, and I really appreciate that.”

Maggie had no other choice than to accept what life continued to throw at her. It wasn’t the first time that she was being screwed, and she was optimistic enough to know it wouldn’t be the last either.

On her way out, she was not surprised to have crossed paths with McConnell. The moment he saw her, he smiled broadly and strode in her direction.

“Mags, hey!” He called when Maggie totally ignored him and continued her way. “Hey!” He insisted, catching her hand and forcing her to turn his way.

“What?!”

At Maggie’s reaction, he backed off a bit. “Woah, what with the attitude?!”

“Seriously?”

“Oh, c’mon! Is this about Danvers?”

“You’re a fucking traitor!” She hissed, fiercely pointing at him.

Not giving him a chance to explain himself, she stormed off leaving him standing alone and gaping.

* * *

When she arrived at Jessica’s apartment, the lawyer wasn’t there. Maggie guessed she was probably still at her office or meeting a client, so she was alone. She knew she should have used the time to look for places to move into. Even though Jess had promised her she would help her find something decent and affordable, Maggie understood the other woman was busy with her own stuff. However, she took the opportunity to lay on the couch and rest a little. It wasn’t that she was tired, but her leg was still healing from the beating, which meant it was still hurting a little. The bruises on her face were thankfully fading out already and they didn’t hurt like they used to at the beginning.

She was already drifting off when her phone went off with a text notification. She groaned. She really hoped it wasn’t McConnell again, disturbing her precious nap time. Barely moving, she reached out to the coffee table and took the mobile.

It was Winn.

**Hey! Went by your place this morning but didn’t find you.**

**Wanted to say hi and give you a hug.**

**You okay?**

Maggie smiled.

**hey, winn. everything’s okay**

**sorry about that, i’m crashing at a friends**

**A friend, huh?**

**Sawyer, don’t tell me you’re already cheating on me.**

**ha! never, you’re the only man in my life. literally.**

**Ooh, I’ll make sure to show this piece of evidence to McConnell.**

At the mention of Kevin, Maggie scoffed, rolling her eyes.

**please, do**

**Lol**

**Hey any chance we meet for breakfast one of these days?**

**For old times sake.**

**sure, how about Monday?**

**Sounds great!**

**Is there anything I can do for you?**

Maggie smiled. Winn was a real treasure.

**i’m good, my friend**

**thanks though. you're the best**

**I try, Sawyer.**

**See you on Monday then.**

***kiss emoji***

**Oh, and Mags?**

**I’m really happy you’re out.**

An idea suddenly came into Maggie’s mind. She had been so adamant with the idea of Alex being involved in Thompson's unexpected and suspicious confession that she never stopped for a second to think that maybe other people might have had something to do with it. Other people like Winn. It was just a guess, and probably she was mistaken, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask. Maybe he actually knew something. She knew she was supposed to let the subject go, but the sole idea to get some answers to her queries was enticing enough.

**thanks Winn**

She did get a nice twenty minutes or so of napping after all, until the sound of keys opening the door and announcing Jessica’s arrival woke her back up. As a greeting, they smiled at each other and Jess made a joke about how twice in the same day she had walked into her apartment to find Maggie slacking around. But when she noticed Maggie’s crestfallen demeanor and asked the brunette about her day, though Maggie didn’t tell her anything about her visit to Alex—there was no point in telling her, really— she didn’t hesitate in telling her about the demotion and how Phillips’ son had taken her place at the science division the moment they had taken her into holding.

Granted, Jess offered her legal aid straight away but both of them knew there wasn’t much she could do, as these kinds of situations took time and willingness within high-up to get resolved, and as long as lieutenant Daniel Phillips was the one making the calls, her chances were zero. Besides, even if Captain Hardy managed to get her back her detective badge, her coming back to the science division wasn’t guaranteed.

  
  


* * *

Later that night, they were enjoying a nice dinner at the fanciest restaurant in National City, just like Maggie had promised Jess that first day in the interrogation room. At first, the brunette wasn’t so convinced she was in the mood for that, but Jess used her charm and ended up persuading her. Now, Maggie was glad Jess did, as it felt nice to distract her mind from all her problems and leave all the drama behind even if it was only for the night.

They were having a great time, talking about anything and everything at the same time, remembering the old days and catching up on their lives and the things they had missed about each other.

“I have to be honest Mags, I never thought you would ever actually leave Gotham.”

“That city was hell itself. Don’t get me wrong, I loved being a cop there and helping keep people safe from their everyday crime, but it was- or well, I guess it _still is_ , so fucking corrupted, you know? There wasn’t a single officer in the force that wasn’t dirty and I didn’t want to be a part of it. I tried to do things my way, the _right_ way, but at a certain point refusing them wasn’t an option anymore so they made me choose, whether I was in or I was out; they didn’t wanna deal with an idealist. I didn’t feel safe anymore, and I came to the conclusion that if I didn’t leave I was gonna end up dead or working the traffic,” Maggie explained, and then considered her next words. “On top of that, I had just finished a five-year relationship that ended pretty badly. So I guess it was the right time to leave everything behind and look forward to a new city, a new job, and a new life.”

“And how did that go?” Jess asked before sipping from her glass of red.

“Well, you did have to come get me out of prison, didn’t you?” Maggie joked, earning a laugh from the lawyer.

“In all seriousness though, I’m glad I got out that shithole. And National City gave so much more than I expected. It gave me an amazing job with amazing cops, very committed to their people. I made some very good friends as well; and well, I can’t deny that, even though it didn’t go the way I had hoped, I found love. She… she might have ripped me apart, but the reason it hurt so much was because she gave me so much. She made me better as a woman, as a lover, and - _surprisingly_ \- as a daughter. So, regardless of what happened and how things went down, here I lived the best years of my life, and I wouldn’t change that for the world.”

When Maggie glanced up and caught Jess’ sympathetic look, she mentally facepalmed herself. She wasn’t sure what this was, honestly. Was it some kind of a date? Was this just two friends having dinner? Was it a business dinner? No, it definitely wasn’t about business, but whatever it was, Maggie was sure she had said more than she should have. No one wanted to hear about her sorrows. Suddenly feeling embarrassed, Maggie groaned.

“Ugh, I’m so sorry. This was supposed to be a nice evening and I’m ruining it talking about my love failures and-”

But Jess quickly reached forward kindly taking the brunette's hand into hers.

“Hey, you’re fine,” she smiled. “I actually really like hearing you talking, you know?” And then, in an amused tone, she added, “Even if it _is_ about your ex.”

“I’m sorry…” Maggie mumbled again, bashfully hiding her face into her hand.

Jess laughed. “I’m just kidding. Besides, I did ask you, didn’t I?”

“You kinda did, yeah,” she chuckled and then went serious again. “What about you, how did you end up in this shiny city?”

“Well, my moving here was strictly professional. I had the chance to start my own firm here and I took it. And honestly, the weather is so much better, so I didn’t doubt it. And I don’t regret it one bit.”

“See, that’s one of the things I’ve always admired the most about you. You know what you want and don’t take shit from anyone,” Maggie remarked.

“There’s no time to waste, Mags.”

“Right. Life’s too short,” Maggie managed, her mind starting to wander again.

_Life’s too short, and we should be who we are. And we-_

“Besides, Supergirl here keeps the business running successfully, so. It’s a win-win,” Jess said, smirking satisfyingly.

At the mention of the hero, Maggie couldn’t help herself from rolling her eyes. They had talked about that more times than she could count, but Kara never seemed to grasp any of it.

Noticing the attitude, Jess teased.

“Ooh, I almost forgot there’s some...history between you two, right?”

“It’s just- we talked a thousand times about how she should be more... _delicate_ with the perps. Even more when they are human. She just won’t listen to me,” she sighed.

“And I’m glad she doesn’t,” Jess shrugged, matter-of-factly, getting another eye roll from Maggie.

They continued their evening enjoying a delicious dessert and chatting until losing track of time. Jessica was an incredibly smart woman, and Maggie very much enjoyed talking with her. Whatever the topic was, the lawyer could make it the most interesting one. She was also a very alluring woman, Maggie was entirely aware of that and she would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy the not-so-lightly flirtation and the playful banter Jess brought to the table. In two words, Jess was incredibly sexy. And Maggie didn’t miss the way she took every chance she got to touch her hand, to caress it, and to smile at her in _that_ way that could set anyone on fire.

It was late but it was also a beautiful night out there, so they didn’t bother taking a taxi deciding on walking their way back to the apartment, instead. After a night full of seductive smiles and suggestive touches, Maggie wasn’t surprised when walking abreast Jess held her hand. However, she must have reacted somehow, for the lawyer stopped on her track and kindly looked at her.

“Is this okay?”

Maggie looked down at their joint hands for a second and then back up, a gentle smile on her lips.

“Yeah.”

“Thanks for tonight, Mags. I really had an amazing evening,” she smiled as well.

“C’mon, if it wasn’t for you I would’ve stayed all night feeling sorry for myself at the apartment, I should be the one thanking you.”

Taking a step closer, Jess muttered, “Is it okay if I kiss you? I’ve been dying to do that all night.”

Maggie’s eyes went from Jess’ eyes down to her lips and the back up to her eyes again and, unable to say it outloud, she nodded. The kiss was soft, almost chaste, and brief. But it was enough contact to arouse an irresistible desire in Maggie. And it was safe to say that the lawyer felt the same way, for when they pulled away, and without uttering another word, she pulled from Maggie’s hand and both strode their way back to the apartment.

Maggie had never been with an ex before. Sure, she had had once or twice those nights of weakness where she had come back to —or welcomed back— an ex lover a night or two after splitting, but this was different. Those were laids filled with loneliness, disappointment, even anger; but this wasn’t. They weren’t mad at each other, they _wanted_ each other; they didn’t feel lonely, they enjoyed being _together_ ; they never planned for this, it just _happened_. It was soft but at the same time rough; it was familiar but at the same time new; it was what they both wanted, how they both needed it.

Maggie would never admit this outloud, but for the first time in a long time, she felt wanted, she felt appreciated. She felt _worthy_. And the fact that she would never admit it was because she felt ashamed that the only way she could feel that way was by fucking someone. It was demeaning, but it was the truth.

* * *

She wasn’t sure for how long she had slept, three maybe four hours at most, but they felt like days. It was the best rest she had had in a long time. Her leg hurt, but after a long night of... _action_ it wasn’t surprising. As the memories from last night started flashing in her mind, a soft smile quirked on her face; she didn’t regret a single touch, a single kiss, a single orgasm. It had felt so nice to be treated that way, to be _wanted_ that way.

But today was another day, and even though last night had been amazing, the game had changed and she couldn’t stay there any longer. She needed to start looking into apartments as soon as possible.

This time, the smell of freshly brewed coffee was what guided her towards the kitchen to find Jessica leaning against the counter. When the lawyer lay eyes on her, a broad smile drew on her face and quickly moved to pour Maggie a cup of coffee.

“Good morning,” Maggie greeted with a soft dimpled smile, taking a sip from the mug the other woman had just handed her.

“Indeed,” Jess smirked, and without warning she leaned forward to greet Maggie with a sound kiss.

It took her by surprise, but she welcomed it nonetheless.

“Hey,” Maggie whispered when they pulled apart.

“Hi,” Jess whispered back. “You sleep well?”

Maggie smirked. “I did.”

There was a moment of silence where both just stared at each other smiling.

“I should-” 

“Would-”

Giggling, Jess let Maggie go first.

“I was thinking I should start with the apartment search, wanna help?”

“Oh,” Jess breathed, offering a kind smile. “You don’t have to. I mean, there is no rush.”

“Yeah, I kinda have,” Maggie grimaced. “I wouldn’t want to make things awkward between us after last night.”

“Oh,” she said again, her smile wearing off this time. “I didn’t realize…Was that a one time thing?”

“I- Wasn’t it?”

“I, for once, didn’t think it was,” Jess answered, forthrightly.

Maggie blinked.

“I mean, I’m not trying to force you into anything, Maggie. I guess I just got the wrong message, that’s all.”

“No, it’s not- it’s not that. I just…” She trailed off, somewhat lost. “I just don’t understand why you would want something more with me, after… Well, knowing me already.”

Maggie was, in fact, taken aback by Jessica’s interest. She knew last night hadn’t been just some random hook up, but to actually think it had meant something and could be the start of something more, that was what surprised her. Even more so considering Maggie’s current state of mind.

“Maggie, I like you. I thought I made that clear last night, and even before that.”

She paused and took a moment to ponder her words. Leaving her own mug on the counter and straightening her stance, she started.

“I think you’re amazing. I enjoy talking to you, hanging out with you, _being_ with you. I’m convinced that the reason it didn’t work between us before was because we were in really different places at the time, trying to make someone out of ourselves. But we grew up, learning a thing or two in the process. And I know you come from a very messy, very hurtful breakup and am aware of how you _still_ feel about her, and I don’t expect it to be easy but if you really want it too, I’d like to be right there for you helping you move forward.”

It was clear and forward, and Maggie wouldn’t have had it anyother way. This was how Jessica was, honest and forthright, and as she had said just the night before, that was one of the things that Maggie liked most about her. She didn’t mess around, when she knew what she wanted she went for it and got it. She never backed off.

As for Maggie, the truth was she really liked Jess, too. She enjoyed spending time together as well, but she was afraid. Afraid of hurting her, afraid of not meeting expectations, afraid of letting her down. And afraid of suffering all those things herself, as well. They had history, and while it hadn’t quite been love, they always cared about each other. Maggie still did. And being completely honest, Maggie really wanted to move forward. In fact there was nothing she would want more than to be able to forget Alex and fall in love again, with someone who could be able to give her what she needed and vice versa. Alex was her past, a closed chapter in her life, and there was no use in keeping holding on to the past.

“I just...I wouldn’t want to disappoint you, or hurt you,” Maggie whispered, her voice so vulnerable.

Jess took the brunette’s hands into hers. “You could never disappoint me, Maggie. And as for the hurt part, well, I'm willing to take the risk. I think you are someone worth taking the risk for,” she said, genuinely.

Tilting her head to the side, Maggie tugged a quick smile, though it didn’t reach her eyes. 

“You could do so much better, Jess.”

“Oh, I know how good I can do. I don’t doubt that, I don’t doubt me, you know that. And that’s precisely why I want you,” she shrugged. “You are an incredible woman, Maggie Sawyer. Smart, tough, and unbelievably brave. You just don’t seem to realize it, but I’d like to help you get there. If… well, if you let me.”

Jessica was talking about her, but Maggie couldn’t relate; it was like she was talking about someone else. But there was something in Jess’ eyes that somehow invited her to believe, something that made Maggie _want_ to believe. It was conviction. She really believed all those beautiful things about Maggie, and it melted her to know that at least someone still had faith in her.

“You really wanna do this?” Maggie tilted her head, incredulous.

“Don’t you?” Jess challenged.

Maggie chuckled, taking a step closer to the lawyer and taking her by the hips. “You gotta be crazy, Carter.”

“I’ll object and aduce luck,” she whispered and closed the distance that separated them by pressing her lips into Maggie’s, in a soft and welcoming kiss.

When they parted, Maggie trailed a few kisses down Jess’ jaw and hugged her heartily.

“Go easy on me, okay?” She begged.

Tightening the embrace even harder, Jess whispered, “I promise.”

They kissed again before Maggie spoke again.

“I appreciate your offer and how kind you’ve been this whole time, but if we really want this to work, I strongly suggest I move out.”

“It’s whatever you want, Mags. We can start looking into places right away, yeah?”

Nodding and smiling broadly, Maggie pulled her into another kiss, this time sharper and less innocent.

* * *

Maggie selected three apartments she thought were nice enough considering her short budget. That same afternoon, they visited the places together, and pondering the pros and cons of each one, Maggie quickly made her final decision. While it wasn’t the cheapest nor the biggest nor the closest to her new precinct, it was furnished and the pipeline was new, which was a very important detail. But the most important thing was that it had its own parking lot; and for Maggie, the parking was an actual deal breaker, so it wasn’t so hard to make the call after all. It was a very simple and compact size place. It had a small kitchen with a small table with two chairs, a small living room with a nice sofa and a decent en suite room. It was indeed simple, but it was all Maggie really needed.

“Well, congrats for getting your new place,” Jess beamed as they walked down the park holding hands. “See, it wasn’t that bad.”

“Yeah, I guess I needed someone to help me make my mind.”.

“If that was true, you would’ve chosen the one closest to my place, as I suggested, and not the furthest one,” she countered, faking an offended pout.

Maggie laughed and placing a gentle hand on her cheek, she kissed her.

“Oh! Maggie?” A familiar voice interrupted them.

Quickly breaking the kiss, Maggie spotted the familiar blond walking towards them.

“Kara, hey,” she breathed out, suddenly _and_ inexplicably letting go of Jess’ hand.

It was dumb, really. Kara had just seen them kissing, so why would Maggie not want the blond to see her holding hands with another woman. But it wasn’t only dumb, it was disrespectful and unfair to Jessica, too.

“How, uh, how are you? It’s been...a while,” Kara managed.

“Yeah, I’m good. I- I’m good.”

They fell into an awkward silence for a moment. Noticing Kara eyeing between her and Jess, Maggie cleared her throat and introduced them.

“Oh, uh, I’m sorry. Jess this is Kara Danvers. Kara, this is my, uh...this is Jessica Carter.”

Kara nodded politely and Maggie noticed how her eyes _slightly_ widened in recognition.

“Oh, the lawyer!” Kara then blurted, and the look Maggie directed at her made her realize of her slip and quickly tried to recoil. “I mean, because you’re a lawyer- a very famous one here in National City, not because any...other reason, I mean-”

“Yeah, I’m the one,” Jess cut in, not missing Kara’s slip but still amused about her stuttering. “It’s nice to meet you, Kara,” she added, extending her hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, too,” she smiled, kindly shaking the offered hand. “So, uh, were you guys hanging out?”

_Small talk. Great._

Maggie forced a small smile. “Yeah, you know. Enjoying...freedom.”

“Right.”

Suddenly, Kara’s features turned serious, and with a gentle and honest voice, she spoke again.

“Maggie, I heard about what happened, and I wanted to say how sorry I am you had to go through that.”

_Of course she heard about that._

“I just, I really wish I would’ve done something more that night-”

Fearing Kara would say more than she should and out herself, Maggie cut her in.

“Kara, you did exactly what you had to do, alright?” She said with resolve.

Looking between Maggie and Jessica, she nodded in understanding.

“Well, I’m glad it’s over now. And that you’re free. It’s what you deserve, Maggie.”

“Thank you, Kara.”

A second moment of awkward silence fell between them and this time it was Kara who stopped it.

“I’m sure you two have things to do, so I’ll just leave you to it,” she said, and then laid a hand on Maggie’s arm. “It was nice seeing you, and I’m very happy everything cleared up.”

“Yeah, you too, Kara.”

With a respectful nod, Kara said goodbye to both of them and continued her own way.

“So,” Jess started. “Danvers, huh?”

“Yeah…” Maggie trailed, pursing her lips. “She’s… the sister.”

“I thought you said only Supergirl knew about that night,” Jess trailed.

“Yeah, and that was true. But, I guess maybe Alex told her? I don’t know,” Maggie said, suddenly feeling a little anxious about Jess’ inquisitiveness. “Can we, you know, forget that even happened?”

“Oh, we can. I’m just concerned about how many more people _she_ told about your...situation.”

“I understand, but you don’t have to worry about Kara, Jess. She’s trustworthy, I promise. She means no danger,” Maggie assured.

The way Jess looked at her told Maggie she knew there was a lot more she wasn’t saying, but the lawyer was wise enough to not question anything further.

“Okay,” Jess assented. “Can I ask you one more thing, though?”

“Sure.”

“Why did you drop my hand? You know, when you saw her.”

_Spotted._

Maggie grimaced. “You caught that, huh?”

“I did.”

Maggie closed her eyes and taking both her hands to her face she rubbed her eyes and then threaded her fingers through her hair all the way down to her nape.

“I don’t-” She sighed. “I don’t know.”

And then added, “I’m sorry.”

“You shouldn’t feel sorry for wanting to move on, Maggie. I want you to feel free to do as you pleased, to be who you want to be with, without feeling guilty for that. You don’t owe anything to anybody.”

“I know that, I do. I just, I don’t know… It just felt like-”

“Like you were cheating on her?”

“No!” But the truth was, she did. And there was no point in denying the obvious. “Yes.”

Firmly looking at her in the eyes, Jess nodded.

“I’m so sorry, Jess. It’s not that- I-”

“Don’t be, okay? This morning I told you I _know_ how you still feel about her, and that that didn’t matter as long as you were clear about what you wanted. You want to move forward, I’m all in, Mags. But if you don’t you gotta be honest with me and tell me. I like you, I care for you, and I’m willing to fight for a chance to be with you because, like I said, I really think you’re worth the shot.”

“I do! I promise, I do,” Maggie assured. “And I _am_ sorry. As I should be. What I did was unfair to you, was rude, and was wrong. And I don’t want to make you feel bad or neglected or like you don’t matter. You deserve much better than that. So I promise, Jess, I’ll give my everything to be what you deserve.”

Maggie felt the luckiest person alive right now. Sure, she had her problems and her miseries and all that, but Jessica had something that made her feel worthy again, and that was something she never thought she was going to feel like again, much less this soon.

“Okay,” Jess smiled. “Ice-cream, then?” She proposed, her smile turning into a beam.

Offering a dimpled smile of her own, Maggie stepped forward and met her in a heartfelt kiss.

* * *

The hug Winn gave her when they met was like no other.

With Jessica it had been different; the first time she had held her had been when she broke down after Alex visited her in jail; the second, when they had held each other while having sex. Both times had been nice, had _felt_ nice, but those times Maggie had been expecting something from them: first comfort; later, pleasure. Then, her captain. That hug he gave her when she came to his office had felt nice, as well. Granted in a totally different way, but nice all the same. He was her mentor, her guide, and in the short time they had been working together, he had become a father figure for her. And that’s what his hug had felt like, like a father being happy to see his daughter again, like a father being proud to see his daughter overcome adversity.

But Winn. Sweet and lovely Winn. Always there for her no matter what, no matter how, no matter when, and always with the biggest smile plastered on his handsome face. He held her strongly, confidently, lovingly; and he didn’t have to say a single word to make Maggie feel his love. When he hugged her, Maggie not only felt like he was happy to see her, but also that he was able to breath again. She heard him exhale a long and deep breath that seemed like he had been holding for days, and that only was able to let out the moment he saw her, free and smiling again.

Her eyes instantly filled with tears, happy tears. She hadn’t felt this love, this _loyalty_ in a long, long time; she almost wasn’t able to hold the tears.

“Hey,” she whispered when he finally broke the embrace.

“You’ve no idea how happy I am to see you, Maggie!” He exclaimed beaming.

And right then, when they glanced up and met each other’s eyes, Maggie saw that his eyes had filled with big, fat tears as well and that he was trying his best not to let them fall.

“The feeling is mutual, my friend. Believe me,” she assured, with a soft and sincere smile of her own. 

They were at their favorite coffee store, the place where they had shared so many breakfasts together before work during the couple of weeks she had been crashing at his place after the breakup. After sitting at their usual table and placing their orders, Maggie spoke.

“So, how’ve you been?”

Winn cocked his brows in amusement and chuckled. “Me?! How have _you_ been?!” He emphasized.

“Ah, you know…. Peachy,” she joked, getting another chuckle from Winn. “It’s been hard. It’s been...messy, but, uh, I’m- I’m good now, you know? I feel good,” she said, tilting her head and offering him an honest smile.

“I’m glad to hear that. I’ve missed you so much, you know?”

“I’ve missed you, too, Winn. And I’m sorry for treating you the way I did, for pushing you away,” she said with regretful eyes.

Shaking his head, he waved her off. “You don’t have to apologize for anything, Mags. I know you weren’t in a good place, both figuratively and literally.”

“Yeah, well, still. It wasn’t cool what I did. You were there for me in such a difficult time, _once again_ , and I rejected you,” she shook her head, berating herself. “Not cool.”

“C’mon, it’s not like I was about to let you get away with that. I was going to keep insisting, Sawyer. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Maggie laughed. “I suppose not.”

“Damn right.”

The waitress served them their orders and quickly left again.

“I can’t believe the first thing you order after getting out of prison is a burnt bagel. It’s just disgusting,” he grimaced as he sweetened his coffee.

“ _Jail_ ,” she corrected for the second time. “And it’s not disgusting, it’s tasty.”

“Right,” he deadpanned. “So, tell me about this _friend_ you mentioned the other day,” he asked, comically wiggling his eyebrows at her.

Chuckling at his antics, Maggie shrugged. “She’s Jess, my lawyer. We, uh, well we are kind of starting something.”

“Oh.”

Squinting at him and pursing her lips, she nodded. “But you already knew that, huh?”

“Wh-what? Pff, no!” He squeaked nervously.

“Let me guess. Kara?”

“N-no… yeah,” he finally admitted. “But only because she thought I already knew!” He added, trying to justify his other friend.

Maggie sighed. “Why am I not surprised? What else did she say?”

“Nothing, just that,” he rushed, but when Maggie quirked an incredulous eyebrow at him, he spoke again. “And, well, that you guys had just gotten a place together…?”

“We what?!” She scowled.

“I don’t know, she said she heard you two talking about a new place.”

Rolling her eyes, Maggie grunted. _Kara and her fucking superhearing._

“Oh my god, that’s not true. I mean, yeah, _I_ got a place, not _we_ ,” she clarified. “We were just coming back from there when we met.”

“Oh, that’s great, Mags! Congrats!”

“Don’t deflect, Schott,” she chided. 

And then, a sudden thought came to her mind.

“Do you, uh, do you think she told...you know-”

“Alex?”

She nodded.

He shrugged. “If you want me to, I could ask her?”

Maggie knew it shouldn’t be of her concern. She had recently talked about that with Jess, _her girlfriend_. Why was she still feeling this way? She had made a promise to her, she should focus on keeping it. But, damn was it difficult to stop thinking about Alex, to stop feeling like what she was doing was cheating somehow.

“No,” she decided. “It’s not my business anyways.”

_It will never be again. Not anymore._

“Alright,” he shrugged again, taking a bite from his croissant.

Taking a sip from her coffee, Maggie considered her next question. It was now or never, her last chance to know if Alex had indeed had something to do with Thompson’s statement. She knew she had promised to leave that issue behind, but this was stronger than her. She _needed_ to know.

“Though, I do have a question to ask you regarding _her,_ ” she started.

He paused. “O…kay?”

“And I need you to be completely honest with me, Winn.”

“Of course.”

“Did she… Did Alex have something to do with my release?”

Clearly Winn wasn’t expecting such a question, for at first he didn’t seem to understand it and when he did, his frown revealed he was surprised she was even asking the question at all.

“No,” he answered, though somewhat unconvinced, as if just now starting to wonder the same. “I mean, she’s definitely been acting weird lately, but I don’t think it has something to do with that,” he suggested.

“Weird? Weird how?” She prompted, suddenly curious.

“Well, she’s been acting so private lately. I mean, she _is_ a private woman, but lately she’s been weirdly private, you know? She’s also been skipping work and taking a whole lot of personal days, which is definitely not very common on her.”

That struck Maggie. Indeed Alex wasn’t one to skip work, not by any chance. The only time she recalled Alex being late when they were together, not even skipping work, only being late, was after their first time. Maggie remembered Alex had been so cheery, so happy, so _wanting_ that morning they ended up calling in sick and being late.

“Come to think about it now, oh my god, do you think she’s sick?” Winn suddenly worried, his features troubled.

Her mind immediately traveled to last Saturday, when she went to confront her. She remembered the syringe on the coffee table, and how edgy she had seemed the whole time. Alex had affirmed it was a medication, but Maggie never really stopped to think what kind of medication, or a medication for what exactly it was.

“What about Kara, has she been acting weird, too?”

Winn considered the question for a moment, a pensive furrow forming in his brow.

“I don’t think so?” He offered. “Well, I’ve caught them whispering and giggling a few times at the DEO but, that’s kinda typical of them.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing, Winn. I wouldn’t worry,” she suggested.

But the truth was, she did kind of worry. And she had no other choice than to accept that she was always going to care about Alex, because she was always going to love her. So the sole idea of her being sick, even if it really didn’t seem like it, made Maggie herself sick to her stomach.

They continued their breakfast with a lighter chattering until both of them had to say goodbye to continue with their days. Winn had to run to the DEO and Maggie, who didn’t have to show at her new precinct until Tuesday, decided to use the free time to move her few belongings from Jessica’s apartment to her new place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave Kudos and a comment if you liked it! ;)


	4. Chapter 4

The next few months were _it_ for Maggie.

Putting on the blue police officer uniform was, yet again, another thing she never imagined doing ever again. She had left her uniform days so far behind. A _lifetime_ behind. She had learned so much in those days as an officer, but she had worked her ass off to rank up as well as learned a whole lot of new things as a detective. So being an officer again pretty much felt like starting from scratch, all over again, and she wasn’t happy at all with that. How could she? After all those years dedicated to the force, after all the hard work she had done during her career to make someone out of herself, and after everything she had ever accomplished, it felt like everything had been in vain.

Nevertheless, she had sucked all her pride up and faced it with her best smile. At first it had been okay; not easy, but okay. Jessica had stood by her side the whole time and been there for her whenever she needed her. She had encouraged her and given her all the pushes she had needed to keep a positive mind and believe that soon it would all be over and she would be able to claim her rank and her old job back.

Her fellow officers at the new precinct had welcomed her with kind smiles and firm handshakes, and they seemed to be really committed with their people, which was what Maggie valued the most. But she never felt she fit. The last thing she wanted was to come off as rude or arrogant, but she felt she was meant for much more than that, not just for patrolling and doing rookie stuff.

While she was catching petty criminals and junky sleepers at the park, National City was being submitted to one of the most powerful and most evil villains the city had ever seen. And that made her feel so useless, so powerless. Under other circumstances, she would have been working with Supergirl and the DEO, much to her chagrin, trying to stop Reign and put an end to all the death and destruction she was causing to the city; but instead she was patrolling and responding to disorderly conducts and noise disturbance calls in the suburbs of the city.

Winn and Jessica were always the highlights of her week. Maggie and Winn kept their regular breakfast meetings twice a week, as well as some friend’s night out every now and then, where they would chat and distend a bit from their jobs over a cold beer. Jessica was another constant in her life. Maggie felt so lucky for having her by her side, always supporting her and listening to her complaining about how she felt she was never doing enough, and always cheering her up and encouraging her to never give up.

However, they weren’t the only ones keeping track of Maggie. Her ex-captain regularly checked in with her, wanting to make sure everything was going well, or as well as possible considering the circumstances. Every time he called her or visited her, she would hope to hear the news she had been wanting to hear so badly for months now, that she was cleared to come back to the science division. But that never happened, and it was torture for her.

McConnell had also tried to reach her continually, but she had declined every call, ignored every text, and shut him off every time he showed up at her place. She knew she was probably being too severe, but Maggie still had her one pet peeve, and whoever violated it, had to deal with the consequences. She knew she would forgive him eventually, she did miss her friend after all, but she still felt betrayed by him and she needed her time to forgive him.

As for Alex, she didn’t see her again after that day at her apartment. Before everything had happened, they would cross paths regularly at work; but now that she was out of the science division and working in the outskirts of National City, there was no reason for them to meet at a crime scene and Alex wasn’t even going to the alien bar anymore either. Until one night she did, to her complete surprise. It had been a couple of months after that last time they met, and Alex looked different. Physically different. Her hair was more red and quite shorter. Maggie didn’t really dig the haircut that much, but the red did look hot on her. She wondered what had taken her to make such drastic change. She shrugged it off as she saw the redhead take a seat at the bar and order a beer and a scotch. Maggie didn’t mean to be nosey but the change in her look, the crying eyes, and the off demeanor Alex was carrying really troubled her. She looked sad and disappointed and the fact that she was at the bar drinking alone and ordering both beer and scotch at the same time confirmed that something was going on. She was dying to approach her and ask her what was going on, what had her looking so sad. But she couldn’t. It wasn’t her place anymore and besides, if it was relationship issues, Maggie didn’t want to hear about them, as it would hurt too much.

She had been so engrossed in her thoughts that she didn’t realize Alex had caught her staring. She quickly teared her look away, but when she chanced another look at her again, Alex was still looking back. Maggie gulped, not knowing how to react. It was so awkward and she felt so lame for acting like a fidgety teenager being nervous because her crush was looking at her. But when Alex offered her a kind, almost imperceptible smile, she allowed herself to offer one of those in return. The redhead immediately looked away and Maggie wondered what was going through her mind whenever, _if_ ever, she thought about her. Did she think Maggie was still mad at her? Did she wonder if Maggie still missed her? Did she wonder if Maggie still loved her?

And god, did she miss her; and god, did she love her. It was absolutely stronger than her, a feeling she wasn’t able to control. She missed seeing her face, hearing her voice, smelling her perfume; she missed everything about Alex, and Maggie couldn’t even deny it anymore. She was aware she was with Jessica, who respected her, who appreciated her, who cared for her, and she felt horrible for still feeling this way towards Alex. But as hard as she was trying, she couldn’t seem to get the redhead out of her head, much less out of her heart.

It had been a little bit of everything that had taken her to this moment. As much as she was trying her best to bear with her job and with the useless way it made her feel, she was wretched. She started acting recklessly, both at work and her relationship. After every shift, instead of going to her girlfriend, she would drive to the bar and get wasted, trying to cover all her thoughts and feelings with alcohol. She was starting to jeopardize the only good thing that was happening in her life: Jessica.

She felt so bad for thinking about her ex twenty-four/seven that she would make excuses after excuses to avoid Jessica, because she was so ashamed that she couldn't even look at her girlfriend in the eyes when they were together, when they kissed, when they made love. She had promised Jess she would give her everything to the relationship, and she had promised herself she was going to try her best not to hurt her, not to fail her. But that was exactly what she was doing, failing her, hurting her, breaking her promises.

They were at her apartment. Jessica had surprised her that night, knocking on her door and holding what Maggie suspected had been a very expensive bottle of red to celebrate their four months together, something Maggie had clearly forgotten about. She sincerely apologized for forgetting about it and quickly tried to mend it with an impromptu, albeit delicious, homemade dinner.

They enjoyed dinner and the luscious wine between soft caresses and soft smiles, and Maggie could tell that there was something different in Jessica tonight, a special look in her eyes, like she was eager about something. After dinner, Maggie hastily put the dishes together in the sink and joined her girlfriend on the living couch, where she was waiting for her with a fresh glass of wine.

Sitting at her side, Maggie flashed her a gentle smile. She didn’t know what she had done right in her life, but she was sure she didn’t deserve Jessica. She was amazing, as a woman, as a lover, as a friend, and Maggie couldn’t stand the fact that she couldn’t even relate with any of those lately.

“Thanks for dinner,” Jess said, leaning into her and stealing a quick kiss. “It was delicious.”

“I wish I had planned something worthier of you,” she pursed her lips, feeling guilty.

“It was perfect as it was, babe,” Jess assured her and leaned again into another kiss.

Leaving her glass on the coffee table, Jessica shifted on her knees and smoothly straddled Maggie, circling her arms around her neck and leaning down to meet her in a sound kiss. As they deepened it, the lawyer started threading her fingers through Maggie’s hair while the latter let herself get carried away and wandered her hands over Jess’ thighs, feeling bolder and pressing her harder against herself as Jess kept whimpering.

“Mags,” she mumbled between pants as Maggie unbridledly kissed across her now exposed chest.

“Mhm?”

“Wait, babe,” she managed, reluctantly pulling back.

“What is it?” Maggie asked, panting and confused. “Was that not okay?”

Still straddling Maggie but sitting on her lap, Jess pulled a lock of hair behind her ear and stared at her with a dumb smile.

“Hey,” Maggie whispered, so tenderly and so carefully, “what is it, babe?”

Biting her lips, Jess let a nervous chuckle out. “It’s just, I really like you, Mags…”

Tilting her head, Maggie smiled and reached up to softly caress her cheek. “I like you too, Jess.”

Jessica tilted her head as well and cupping her jaw, she softly stroked Maggie’s lower lip with her thumb.

“I love you, Maggie,” she said, confidently but still with wary eyes.

Maggie stared at her, numb and wordless. Her previous smile vanishing.

She tried to say something but nothing was coming out.

“You don’t have to say it back. I know you might not feel the same way yet and that’s okay, I just really wanted to say it. I really wanted you to know it,” she said, her voice soft and honest, never stopping her gentle strokes on Maggie’s cheek and jaw.

If before Maggie felt like a crappy girlfriend, now she felt like the worst one ever. Here was her beautiful and amazing girlfriend declaring her love for her and she wasn’t even able to form a proper sentence to acknowledge her. But not only that, the worst was that she couldn’t even think of the possibility to say it back, not now, and probably not _ever_. And Maggie was messed up and all but she wasn’t going to say it back just because, nobody deserved to be said it back if not meant.

When Jess noted Maggie’s anxious look and when her silence started to be too loud, she moved from her lap and sat on the couch next to her.

“You okay?”

Swallowing nervously, Maggie nodded.

“I… I guess I wasn’t expecting that,” she finally managed.

“I know, and I’m sorry if it was too forward, but I really wanted to say it, because that’s how I feel, Maggie.”

Shaking her head, Maggie shifted on her side to face her and cautiously took her hands into hers.

“You don’t have to apologize for anything, Jess. You are amazing, and so brave and I just…” She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to gather some courage to be honest without hurting her. “I can’t say it back, Jess.”

“I know, Maggie. And I honestly wasn’t expecting you to. I mean, of course I was hoping you would but I’m aware it’s only been four months and that I promised I’d go easy on you but I just figured it wouldn’t hurt to express how I feel, would it?”

“Of course, not. It’s just… I don’t wanna lie to you,” she whispered.

“Then don’t,” Jess shrugged.

“But I wanna be honest with you.”

“Then, be,” she chuckled this time.

Maggie looked at Jess’ soft and tender smile and hated herself for what she was going to say, knowing that it was going to erase every trail of it.

“I like you. A lot. And I care for you, I really do, Jess. And you make me feel so good, so appreciated and so… loved. You’re always there supporting me, cheering me up, encouraging me to keep going. You’re always there by my side when I need you the most. But I’m not that person to you. I’m not there for you when you need me, I’m always too tired or too busy to hang out with you. I fucking suck as a girlfriend and you…” She sighed, letting go of Jess’ hands and taking them to her face, rubbing her eyes and feeling frustrated.

“I don’t deserve you, Jessica. You are a gem and I’m just… _me_ ,” shrugging, she whispered with self-contempt. “I can’t give you anything, I can’t be who you need me to be, I can’t. I must be the luckiest person alive to have you, yet I feel miserable all the time, and that’s not fair to you. You deserve to be appreciated, to be loved. And it kills me not being able to do that, because I really care for you and I really wish I could be able to be that person to you. But I can’t. Not now and probably not ever. And I’m so, _so_ sorry for that,” she finished, letting a single painful tear roll down her face.

With her eyes full of tears but holding them at bay, and having listened to every word, Jess nodded.

“You’re breaking up with me,” she murmured, more to herself than anything else.

Hearing the actual words and even more hearing them from Jessica’s mouth made her feel even worse.

“I’m so sorry,” her voice quavered, broken. “I never wanted to hurt you, I promise.”

When Maggie reached forward to hold her hands again, Jess quickly pulled them back, guarding herself.

“You deserve so much better, Jess. You deserve someone who loves you, who respects you, who appreciates you. Someone who would have _you_ on their mind all the time. You deserve to be their first thought when they wake up in the mornings, and their last when they go to sleep at night. You deserve to be treated the best way someone could be treated. And believe me when I say that I wish I could be that person, because I mean it. But I just cannot be it.”

Tightening her jaw, clearly trying to hold her tears, Jessica nodded again, as she stood on her feet fixing her clothes. She grabbed her purse that rested on the opposite side of the couch and headed for the door, where turning around, she looked deeply into Maggie’s eyes.

“Those things you just said, is it _her_?”

Not having the guts to hold her look, Maggie lowered her head and with so much guilt, she nodded. When she glanced up again, she realized she was alone.

If before Maggie was at least trying to keep a positive mind and enduring her day to day struggle with the disappointment and dissatisfaction of her life as a rookie, it had been only because of Jessica and her constant support and encouragement. For the last few months, Jess had been her mainstay. Now that she was gone, she didn’t have that anymore.

* * *

From that moment everything collapsed in Maggie’s life.

She started neglecting her work, her friends, and herself; drowning her nights in alcohol and sleeping around, trying to shut out the guilt and disappointment and contempt she felt for herself. After a month of irregular work attendance, misbehaviour, and regular complaints against her, she got suspended. She also started to stand up Winn on their breakfast meetings and ignore his calls. She was aware that Winn was now pretty much the only person she had to rely on, but she felt so sad and so disappointed with herself that she felt she didn’t deserve him either.

The evening after being notified of her suspension, she drove to the alien bar and sat in the corner of the bar, demanded the bartender keep the beers coming, and when those weren’t enough to cover her self-loathing, she continued with scotch. She felt she had a lot of reasons to drink that night, but the only thought stuck on her mind was Alex Danvers. At this point, it didn’t even surprise her anymore that among all the problems in her life, the redhead was the only thing on her mind. She didn’t fight it anymore either, she just surrendered to it.

So many times she had felt the urge to text her, to reach her, to see her. Of course this wasn’t the first time Maggie had thought about it, about humiliating herself and begging Alex to take her back, to forget about that stupid idea of having kids and to choose her. Every time she had stopped herself from actually doing it because she still had a little pride left, but not tonight. Tonight she was feeling sad, disappointed, lonely, worthless, all at the same time; in a few words, she was feeling completely miserable, more so than ever. Tonight that little voice in the back of her mind that used to prevent her from committing any stupidity before, was gone.

Tonight she needed Alex.

She didn’t know how many beers she had drank, or how many shots they had served her before she grabbed her phone, opened Alex’s contact and started typing.

**hey**

She sent. When minutes later she had no answer, far from putting her phone away, she insisted.

**you there?**

**can we talk?**

Again, nothing.

**please**

**i miss you**

**so much**

She felt so lame. She knew she was going to regret this in the morning, but she needed to know if Alex still felt the same way.

**alex**

**please say something**

Nothing.

She was typing another shameful text when her phone went off announcing an incoming call.

_Alex_

She froze. She could do drunk texting, but she wasn’t sure she could actually talk to her, hear her voice without her breaking in another million little pieces.

Then again she _did_ start this, she wasn’t about to back off now. The consequences weren’t her priority right now. So she answered the call.

“Maggie?” said Alex from the other side when Maggie didn’t say anything. “Are you there?”

“Hey,” she finally whispered.

“Hi,” Alex whispered back. “Maggie, are you okay?”

“I’m...not. I need you, Alex. I need you so much.”

“Maggie, what is it? Where are you?!” the redhead asked, her tone one of worry.

“I… I miss you so much. I can’t stop thinking about you, Alex,” she blurted, slightly slurring her words.

There was a moment of silence where Maggie genuinely thought Alex had actually hung up.

“Alex?”

“Maggie, are you drunk?”

“I…am,” she conceded. “But that doesn’t mean I-”

“Okay, I’m ready,” Maggie suddenly heard from Alex’s end. It was the voice of another woman.

Alex wasn’t alone.

_Shit._

Maggie hung up.

Well, if she was expecting an ‘I miss you too” she clearly had been wrong. Of course Alex wasn’t going to say it. It had been _months_ since they were over, and Maggie was the only weirdo still in love with her ex, who clearly had moved on. She felt so stupid, _so fucking stupid_ for being so weak and texting her.

She immediately felt her phone going off again.

_Alex_

But she ignored it. As she did with the next one and the next after that one.

The next time her phone rang, it was a text notification.

**Pick up Maggie**

**Please**

So when it rang again, albeit reluctantly, Maggie picked up.

“Look, Danvers, I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have said those things, I shouldn’t have texted you in the first place,” she said, her tone completely changed.

“Where are you, Maggie?”

“I… I’m sorry for interrupting your night, Danvers.”

“Tell me wh-”

She hung up again.

After turning off her phone, she ordered another round of shots, and downing the first one she begged God she wouldn’t remember any of this in the morning. She was about to down the second one when she heard an angelic voice call her name.

“Maggie.”

And if she hadn’t seen the redhead standing in front of her and actually felt her hand over her arm preventing her from having her shot she would’ve thought it was all her mind playing tricks on her.

“Hey, stop,” she whispered, taking the shot from her hand. “I think you’ve had enough.”

“Alex,” Maggie muttered, rather confused. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

“I was worried.”

“But… how did you-?”

“Know you were here?” She cut in, and with a kind smile answered, “This is where we come when things get rough, isn’t it?”

Maggie blinked.

Even in her inebriated state, a memory came to her mind. The night she had spotted the redhead drinking alone right in this spot. She remembered how sad and devastated she had looked.

“And you sounded like you were having a rough night,” she shrugged.

Maggie snorted. “Try year.”

At that, Alex only lowered her head.

“Why are you here, Danvers?”

”Maggie, you call me out of the blue after months of not knowing anything about you and say those things to me, I… I got worried. And I wasn’t about to cross my arms and stay at home.”

“I’m okay, you shouldn’t have come. You should go back to your date.”

She frowned, confused. “What date?”

“The one I interrupted.”

“Maggie, you didn’t interrupt anything. I was at home about to watch a stupid rom-com with Kara, that’s all.”

_Oh._

When Maggie didn’t say anything, Alex spoke again.

“What happened, Maggie? Why are you here, like...this?”

Maggie deliberately ignored her and tried to grab one of the shots again, but Alex beat her, quickly taking it away from her.

“Hey!”

“You should go home, Maggie,” Alex said, grabbing both glasses and giving them back to the bartender.

“You can’t do that!” Looking at the bartender she demanded, “Give them back, I paid for those!”

“Should I call your, uh, your girlfriend to come get you?”

Maggie scoffed. “ _Girlfriend_.”

“You’re not driving like that.”

“Of course I’m not, I’m drunk not suicidal, Danvers.”

As she was standing up she couldn’t help to stumble a bit, and trying to play it off Maggie took her hands to her waist firmly fixing her utility belt, as she was still in uniform.

Only now taking in Maggie’s outfit, Alex asked, almost amused. “What’s with the uniform?”

Maggie looked down at herself. “Uh, it’s _my_ uniform?”

“Since when?!”

Maggie glanced at the redhead and taking in her startled appearance, she realized she wasn’t aware of her demotion.

“I’m Officer Sawyer now, at your service,” she chuckled full of irony.

Grabbing the cap that still rested on the bar, Maggie started heading out.

“Wait, what?!” Alex squeaked, quickly following the other woman out. “Why?!”

“Take a guess, Danvers.”

“Maggie, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know! How could they do this to you?”

Suddenly stopping on her track, Maggie turned around and looked at the redhead.

“Danvers, I honestly don’t feel like talking about it right now, okay? And much less with you, no offense. So thanks for worrying or… whatever, but you didn’t have to.”

Finally out, she inhaled a deep breath. Riding back home wasn’t an option, so she decided she would let her bike parked at the back of the side alley and come for it tomorrow. She had two options now, walking or taking a cab; and supposing she could use some fresh air, she went for the first one. Besides, given she had drunk all her money, she didn't really have the cab option.

“Maggie, what are you doing?” Alex asked as she watched Maggie walk away.

“Going home,” she replied, as if it was obvious.

“Walking?”

“Yes.”

And it would’ve been a great idea, and a very healthy one, only if she hadn’t stumbled on a bump that a few broken tiles were forming on the sidewalk. Landing hard on the ground, she felt her ankle throbbing with pain.

“Fuck!” she grunted.

Still a few steps behind her, and having witnessed the fall, Alex ran to her aid.

“Shit, Mags!” She exclaimed as she bent to help her up.

But when Maggie tried to set her injured foot to get up with Alex’s help, she let out another grunt of pain as she felt another throb of pain.

“Fuck, no,” she winced, leaning in and grasping her left foot. “I can’t step on this foot, it’s my ankle.”

“Let me take a look,” kneeling next to her and carefully taking her boot off, she started examining the troubled ankle. “Tell me if it hurts,” she said and gently shifted the foot back and forward and from side to side.

Maggie only winced but didn’t complain.

“Well?”

“It hurts but it’s bearable.”

“Good. It’s definitely not broken, probably just a mild sprain,” she assessed. “Don’t worry, a bit of ice and it will heal nice.”

“Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse…” she mumbled as she carefully put her shoe back on.

“Here, take my hand,” Alex offered, extending her hands.

Reluctantly doing so, Maggie first kneeled and only then managed to get up, standing on her uninjured foot.

“C’mon, I’ll get you home,” Alex settled, hailing a passing cab.

“It’s alright, Danvers. I can manage.”

Alex raised a judging eyebrow at her. “You don’t seriously expect me to leave you here like that, do you?”

“I’m _fine_ ,” she grumbled, stubbornly.

“You can barely walk, Maggie, you're not _fine_! So stop being such a hard headed and get in the car,” she ordered, opening the car’s door.

Defiantly looking into her eyes for a few moments, as if expecting her to recoil, Maggie finally sighed.

“You’re not gonna give in, are you?”

Confidently shaking her head, Alex answered, “Not until I make sure you ice that ankle, drink at least three glasses of water, and take an Advil, no.”

“Why?”

“Because even if you refuse to believe me, I still care about you.”

Maggie considered it for a moment, and finally gave in.

“You’re paying for the ride, then,” she said and got into the car.

Rolling her eyes, Alex chuckled and followed her in.

* * *

The ride was silent and awkward, but luckily for them it was fast. The moment they arrived at her building, Maggie tried to dismiss Alex, but the redhead wasn’t budging. However, when she realized she had to go up three stories by the stairs, she actually appreciated Alex had insisted on going up with her.

Once in the apartment, Maggie took her boots and belt off and limped straight to her couch, letting herself collapse on it. As Alex looked for the ice, the Advil, and a bottle of water from the fridge, Maggie couldn’t believe what was happening: Alex was in her apartment and looking out for her.

“Here, drink these,” Alex then ordered, handing her two pills and a glass of fresh water as she sat on the couch next to Maggie. “It’ll help with the pain and the impending hangover.”

“Thanks.”

As Maggie drank the water, with extremely gentle hands Alex put the ice wrapped in a towel around Maggie’s swollen ankle.

“Thanks,” she whispered again.

”So,” Alex trailed, looking around the small apartment. “Is, uh, is your girlfriend not around?”

Maggie rolled her eyes at Alex’s insistence with ‘your girlfriend’.

“You think that if I had a girlfriend I would be here with you? Would’ve said those things to you?” Maggie scowled. “I’m not that person anymore, Alex. I thought you of all people would’ve known that by now.”

“I… no, I-” Alex gulped, suddenly nervous. “I’m sorry, I just- Well, Kara once commented you were moving in with your, uh, lawyer, so I just thought-”

“Your sister has a big mouth,” she groused.

There was a pause. Neither of them dared to look into each other’s eyes. After having another sip from her glass, Maggie continued.

“We dated, yes,” she admitted, “but we ended it over a month ago.”

There was another pause.

“And we never lived together, that was just Kara making shit up,” she suddenly felt the need to add.

“Oh,” Alex breathed. After clearing her throat, she asked, “So… You wanna, uh, talk about it?”

Glancing up at her, Maggie snorted. “About Jessica?”

“No, I meant about the texts, you know, the ones you sent me tonight.”

“Oh, I… No.”

“But you did say you wanted to talk,” she remarked.

“I was just… having a rough day, I needed someone, and you were on my mind. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have texted you.”

The way Alex was looking at her, Maggie knew the redhead wasn’t buying it.

“Well, I’m already here, so we might as well try,” she insisted, pursing her lips. “What happened today?”

Shaking her head, Maggie waved it off. “It doesn’t matter, Alex.”

“To me, it does.”

Biting the inside of her cheek, Maggie sighed. “I got suspended.”

Alex frowned. “Why?”

“Because I screwed up.”

“How so?”

“I just… I screwed up,” she repeated and finishing the glass of water, Maggie showed it to Alex. “As you can see, I’m icing my ankle, I took the pills, and I drank my water. You can feel free to go now.”

“That was one, and I said three,” Alex objected, refilling the glass.

Raising her eyebrows, Maggie tilted her head. “Seriously?”

“C’mon, stop being such a cry-baby,” she mocked.

Rolling her eyes, she drank the offered water.

“You know, after all the…jail stuff, every time I arrived at a crime scene and saw the science division was around, I would always look around hoping to see you, to… I don’t know, I just- I would always hope you’d show up. But you never did. So one day, I approached McConnell and he, very reluctantly, I must say, told me you had been transferred. But he never said anything about a demotion.”

Maggie knew what the redhead was doing; she was trying to make her talk, to get her to get everything she had inside, out. And even if this was the last thing she imagined doing with Alex when she had texted her, she _was_ already here, then why not just take advantage of that and actually do it, Maggie considered.

“It was Lieutenant Daniel Phillips from internal affairs. He took advantage of my… _situation_ and quickly put his son in my place. It was deliberated.”

“Wait, they pulled you out to put _that_ asshole instead?”

“You know him?”

“Ugh, I do. I can’t fucking stand that douch,” she grunted with a disgusted frown. “We’ve worked a bunch of cases together, he’s such a pedantic. He thinks he knows everything and is always questioning me,” she complained, scoffing.

“How dare he?” Maggie jested.

Narrowing her eyes, Alex playfully poked at her. Then, she let out an ironic chuckle.

“What?”

Alex shook her head. “It’s just… I feel so stupid.”

“Why?”

“I thought- I was _convinced_ you had actually asked to be transferred because of… _me_ , because you didn’t want to see _me_ again” Alex confessed, ducking her head in embarrassement. “God, I’m so selfish!”

“I’m not saying you’re not,” she joked, a playful smirk on her face, “but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t consider it once or twice after… you know,” she gestured between them.

“I wouldn’t have blamed you, honestly. I know how much I hurt you.”

For a few long seconds, they held each other’s look, but neither risked to speak. Despite the awkward silences, Maggie really couldn’t believe she and Alex were having an actual conversation, as two polite and grown up women, without fighting or shouting or trying to hurt each other, and even joking innocently.

She wondered if maybe it was because of the alcohol that was still running through her veins. Although, if she was being completely honest, she admitted she had been a bit dizzy at first -she must have been to do what she did-, but right now she could actually think straight. Or well, not _straight_ particularly, and even less considering Alex was everything she ever thought about.

”Hey, uh,” Alex then said, a bit wary. “If I say I could help you get your job back, would you let me?”

Frowning, Maggie tilted her head. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I could put a good word on you with the right people,” she explained.

Maggie refused almost instantly.

“Wait, let me finish,” she asked, holding Maggie’s hands.

“Please, don’t, Alex.”

“Would you just listen to me? Please.”

When Maggie didn’t object, she continued.

“What they did to you, what _Phillips_ did to you, was totally unfair, and completely unethical, to say the least.”

Maggie snorted. “What I did was unethical as well.”

“Don’t go there, this has nothing to do with that.”

“This has everything to do with that!” She countered.

“They took your job from you, Maggie!”

“The same one I took advantage of to do what I did!”

Alex looked away, shaking her head at Maggie’s stubbornness.

“Clearly I won’t change your mind, but you’re not changing mine, either.”

“The story of our lives,” Maggie deadpanned.

“Let me do this for you, Mags.”

Glancing up, Maggie stared into those deep hazel eyes, feeling the warmth that she used to feel like _home_. 

“Why?”

“Because you deserve it. And because I know how much your job means to you, and how miserable you must feel without it. And because I know _you_ , Maggie Sawyer and I know you are dying to get it back.”

“I _do_ want it back, so badly,” she conceded. “But I don’t want you to do it just because you feel guilty about it. Just like I didn’t want you to help me back then.”

“Maggie, it’s not guilt,” she insisted with resolve. “I did feel terrible for what happened to you, because ultimately this all started because you were trying to save me. But all I ever wanted -and _still_ want- was to be there for you just the way you were there for me.”

Maggie remained quiet, so Alex persisted.

“Maggie you saved my life. You _saved me_. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you, don’t you get that? What you did, I’ll always be in debt to you for that, and if there is anything I can do for you to help then I want to do it, because it’s the only way I feel I can start to give back.”

“But I never expected you to, Alex. I did it because I-” she stopped herself, and closed her eyes. “I did it because I would’ve done anything for you, I would’ve done anything to save you.”

“And what makes you think I don’t feel the same way about you?” She blurted, nothing but certainty in her eyes.

This time, Maggie wasn’t able to hold her gaze.

“C’mon, you didn’t let me help you out back then, at least let me fix this for you now.”

Maggie would be damned if she said she didn’t want her job back. And pondering the facts, when Alex broke up with her, her job was all she had left. It was her job that kept her going, what motivated her to get out of bed every morning; it was her job that had prevented her from ending up the way she did tonight.

She had been on free fall for months now, wanting to feel better and to be better, but not finding the right incentive to do so. As Jessica had been of great help, keeping her at bay and encouraging her to move forward, she hadn’t been more than a band-aid to a bullet wound -with all the affection, respect, and gratefulness she felt for the woman. Maggie couldn’t love her like she loved Alex, and Jessica couldn’t help her like her job could. And she felt awful and even disgusted at herself for feeling this way and for not being able to appreciate someone as amazing and as extraordinary as Jessica.

And, even if she missed her every day, every hour, every instant, she was aware that her possibilities of getting Alex back were null, but if there was a single possibility to get her job back, she couldn’t allow herself to look away this time. If she really wanted to end this ruthless streak of disappointment and self-hatred and darkness, she was convinced her job was the only thing that could start to make it happen.

That’s how she found herself, perhaps for the first time, relenting and willingly accepting Alex’s help. She really wanted to feel a little more like her true self and she trusted that her badge, as absurd as it sounded, would get her there.

“Okay,” she finally whispered.

Alex beamed. 

“Alright, tomorrow I’ll take care of it first thing,” she promised. 

“Okay,” she repeated.

“I think this deserves a toast,” Alex smirked, refilling her glass once more.

Maggie grumbled. When Alex was adamant about something, there was really nothing that could change her mind. At this rate, she was going to pee herself in bed.

“Where’s your glass?”

“Uh,” Alex said, looking around and realizing she hadn’t brought a glass for herself. “Do you mind if I just sip from the bottle? It’s just this little bit left,” she grimaced, waggling the bottle of water.

Maggie laughed. “Suit yourself, Danvers.”

They clicked glass with bottles and smiling at each other they drank their water.

“Thanks, for letting me do this for you,” Alex said with a more serious tone now.

Maggie snorted. “I thought _I_ should be the one thanking you.”

“It’s what you deserve.” 

Maggie nodded, but not because she agreed but because she was really tired of arguing about what she did and didn’t deserve, especially when it came to this whole Thompson mess, and even more especially with Alex.

That was how she decided to change the topic to a lighter one. Or so she thought.

“So, uhm, how have you been?”

“Oh,” Alex breathed, clearly not expecting the question. “I’ve been…okay. I,uh…” she hesitated.

By the way Alex was looking at her, biting her lips, Maggie knew she was trying to measure her words, knew that she was contemplating them. Maggie tilted her head to the side, trying to convey confidence because she _felt_ there was something Alex really wanted to tell her. She could see it in her eyes, and their eyes never lied to each other.

In that interim, a sudden thought came to her mind, and she wondered if maybe it had something to do with the strange way her and Winn had noticed Alex had been acting. However, whatever it was, she was apparently going to keep wondering about it.

“I’m okay,” she finally settled with a polite smile.

Maggie returned the same smile and nodded, she was really dying to know what was going through the redhead’s mind, but she wasn’t about to press on her either.

“I’ve been focusing on myself, these last few months. You know, taking more care of myself and less of others.”

“That’s great, Danvers.”

It was great to hear about that indeed. Alex had spent her whole life taking care of others and neglecting herself; it was about time she decided to really value herself.

She didn’t know why or how or when, but she then felt the urgent need to ask another more… _personal_ question.

“Are you, uh,” she nervously gestured with her hands. “You know…”

Alex raised her eyebrows at her, as if expecting her to articulate a little better; but Maggie suspected Alex wanted her to actually ask the question.

“Are you seeing anyone?”

The slight, almost indiscernible smile Alex tugged, made Maggie blush with bashfulness somehow.

Looking softly at her, Alex shook her head.

“I’m not.”

Maggie nodded, trying to come off nonchalant, but deep inside she was aware that Alex had seen right through her.

“So,” she cleared her throat, “you were really with Kara tonight, huh?”

“How do you think I got to the bar so fast?”

“Right. I guess I didn’t realize that,” she sipped what was left in her glass and rested it on the coffee table, next to the now empty bottle.

“That’s what happens when you drink your ass off. You lose the notion of time.”

Maggie sputtered, indignant. “I wasn’t _that_ drunk!”

“Your ankle begs to differ.”

“There was a bump in the street!” She vividly argued.

“Right,” she laughed, grinning widely.

_That smile._

_God, that smile._

That smile was it for Maggie. She couldn’t refrain from leaning in and cupping Alex’s cheek.

Her ankle, long forgotten.

“I really meant it… you know?” She whispered, softly stroking her cheek with her thumb. “What I said earlier, over the phone.”

_So, maybe she did want to talk about it._

Alex gulped, suddenly feeling nervous. But she didn’t back off and Maggie took it as a good sign.

“It really surprised me,” Alex confessed. “And confused me, too.”

“Why?”

Alex tenderly took Maggie’s hands off her cheek and rested them in her lap, although still linked with hers.

“Well, at first I thought it was a mistake. I thought you had texted the wrong person. But when you actually said my name I… I panicked. And then… well, then I called you because I was so confused and worried.”

Tilting her head, Maggie repeated, “But why?”

“Because I thought you hated me, Maggie. Or, still do, I don’t know, because like I said, you, _this_ ,” she gestured to their linked hands, “it confuses me.”

“I don’t hate you, Alex. How could I ever do that? If anything, I hate _myself_ for not being the woman you wanted- you needed me to be; for not being enough for you.”

“Maggie…”

“I love you so much, Alex. I still do.”

Taking the courage, she leaned in only stopping inches away from Alex’s lips.

“Maggie,” Alex whispered, and if she wasn’t so close to her, she was sure she wouldn't have heard her.

“I miss you so much, all the time. All the time I think about you, about what you’re doing, about who you are with,” she whispered back, eyes closed, revelling in the feeling of having Alex so close to her. “All the time I wonder whether you still think of me sometimes, whether you still feel at least a hundredth of what I feel for you.”

Having her so close, Maggie could literally hear Alex’s heart beating fast; could feel her gasping.

“I love you too, Maggie,” she finally acknowledged. “You know we didn’t end what we had because of lack of love. But…”

“But we can’t be together,” she cut in, promptly pulling back. “Right?”

Alex reluctantly nodded, her eyes filled with sorrow and longing.

“I’m so sorry.”

“What if,” she swallowed hard. “What if I’d be willing to reconsider it?”

Raising an incredulous eyebrow and dipping her head to the side, Alex asked, “Would you?”

“I…-”

Truth was, she wasn't sure she would. She wasn’t even sure why she said it in the first place. What she was sure about was that she loved the woman in front of her and that she would never love anyone the same way.

Ducking and shaking her head, she whispered, “I don’t… I don’t know.”

Alex nodded, her gaze filled with understanding. They stayed quiet for a few moments, appreciating the silence, and contemplating each other.

“You know, the moment you walked out the door I utterly regretted everything. I regretted doing what I had done and saying what I had said that day. I had to call my sister and ask her to hold me tight and prevent me from running back to you, because, Maggie, I swear I would’ve crawled back to you and beg for forgiveness,” the redhead confessed.

“Why- Why didn’t you?”

“Because I thought it would pass. Because I let everybody convince me that it was normal to feel that way after a break up, that it was normal to feel repentance; and that I had to mourn it and process it and finally accept that it had been the right decision.”

Maggie remained quiet, mindfully listening to her.

“But as time passed, it didn’t feel like anything had changed and I didn’t feel better or that I had made the right call, at all. And all I could ever think about was going back to you.”

Alex’s eyes were glassy, full of tears.

“A lot of stuff happened in the meantime. And when I say a lot, I mean _a lot_. But my feelings for you never ceased, the way I felt about you, that I _still_ feel about you, Maggie, never changed. Not one bit. I started behaving like an asshole, saying and doing things I didn’t mean to, like that day I screwed up that op and snapped at you, because I was so mad at myself for being so damn stupid that I was out of control.”

“And that’s when I realized that the reason I was mad all the time was because I was disappointed in myself, for letting you go and for ruining the only thing that had ever made me happy. _Us_. I came to the conclusion that I was willing to give up on children if there was a single possibility of having you back. Because despite everything you believe about you not being enough is nothing but a lie, Maggie,” she held Maggie’s hands into hers. “You are more than enough, and you are the only woman I ever loved and I ever wanted to be with. You are everything I ever wanted, everything I ever needed.”

“And then, when I visited you in jail, I finally understood that I had lost you forever. The way you looked at me, the way you spoke to me, so cold and distant, only then I understood how much I had hurt you and how you would never forgive me for what I had done to you. So I made a decision. The decision to accept my reality and finally move on with my life. And I stood and will always stand by that, no matter what.”

Maggie was bewildered, confused, lost. She was astonished by Alex’s admission, but at the same time she didn’t understand what the hell she was trying to say.

“So what, that decision changed the way you feel about me?” She questioned, trying to understand.

Alex tugged a sad smile. “Maggie, nothing could ever change the way I feel about you.”

“Then I don’t understand! What did it change?”

“Everything. Except my feelings for you, it changed everything.”

Maggie sighed, taking both her hands to her face and frustratingly rubbing her eyes. “I just- I don’t understand, Alex. If you still want me and if you said you were willing to give up on kids to have me back, what is so important that you can’t still do it, knowing how I actually feel about you?” She frowned anxiously.

“It’s… complicated.”

“How so?”

“I…” Alex hesitated. She appeared uncertain, troubled. “Listen, if you really want to continue this conversation _sober_ , then come to my place tomorrow and I promise I’ll tell you everything.”

“I _am_ sober, so why not now?”

“You’re not, Maggie. And because you’re tired, and it’s been a rough day _and_ night for you already. But most importantly so, because I’m not sure you’ll understand it being sober, much less drunk.”

“I’m not drunk.”

“But you’re not sober either.”

Maggie stared at her, really trying to comprehend Alex’s shady behaviour.

“You think I’m gonna change my mind overnight?”

“No, I just- I’d like to continue this conversation when we both are in the right state of mind. And tonight has been… _intense_ , to say the least, and we’re both overwhelmed.”

“So I was in the right state of mind to accept your help on getting my job back but it turns out I’m too drunk to end this conversation?” Maggie snarked at her.

Alex softened her features. “It’s not the same, Maggie.”

Maggie held her look for a few seconds wanting to ask how it was any different, but decided against it. Pulling her glance away, she reached forward to take the ice off her ankle.

“Oh, how does your ankle feel?” Alex promptly asked, probably appreciating the out.

“Cold.”

“Right,” she breathed, grimacing at the sudden change of demeanor. “Well, you should ice it tomorrow at least twice or three more times, okay?”

Avoiding the redhead’s eyes, Maggie only nodded.

Alex kept looking at her, _observing her_ , trying to find her eyes. But when she realized Maggie was purposefully avoiding her look, she felt it was time to say goodbye.

“I guess I should go now.”

Maggie wanted to say so many things, wanted to _do_ so many things, but she also didn’t know how to start, or even if she should. But if she had Alex right here in her apartment, on her couch, she wasn’t about to let it go to waste. All this time thinking Alex didn’t want her and that she wasn't enough, only to be told she had been wrong? No, she wasn’t going to give up that easily this time. Not without a fight. And she had nothing left to lose. Not even her pride, for it had been long gone by now.

“Wait,” she quickly gripped her arm, stopping her from getting up. “Wait, please.”

Pulling her closer, and shifting herself closer as well, she intertwined their hands

“All those things you said, about being angry and being edgy all the time, I understand it because I felt the same way. Only I couldn’t even think of going back to you because I wasn’t the one that pushed you away. I thought you didn’t want me, I thought I wasn’t… And every day I hoped you’d come for me and take me back; but every day it passed without you knocking on my door I got angrier, until all I could ever feel was anger. I… There was a reason why it hurt so much, Alex. The way you loved me, the way we loved each other, _what we had_ , I thought it was gonna be forever. And that’s why I was so upset, so cold and distant, like you said. Because you broke me. And also because even after shattering me into a thousand pieces I couldn’t hate you, I couldn’t forget you, I couldn’t stop loving you.”

Her eyes mirrored her vulnerability and her willingness to beg if needed.

“And now you come and say that you still love me but that we still can’t be together, Alex, I…”

“Tomorrow, okay? I promise tomorrow you’ll understand.”

Placing a hand on her cheek, Maggie leaned forward and started leaving soft and tender kisses on Alex’s jaw and other cheek.

“Maggie…” Alex mumbled, forcing herself to pull back.

“Don’t leave,” she begged.

And right then, both of them knew that was a ‘don’t leave _me_ ’.

“Please, don’t make this any more difficult than it already is, Maggie.”

“I love you,” she murmured, her lips teasing Alex’s but never actually pressing them together.

“Mag- Maggie… Please, don’t,” Alex faltered, feeling Maggie’s hot breath on her lips.

“But we both want _this_ ,” she whispered, dying to close the distance and claim those magical lips.

“I wish it could be that easy, Mags,” the redhead whispered back, regretfully.

“We can fix this, I know we can, baby,” she insisted, fully aware of the pet name leaving her lips. “We can give each other another chance.”

“We can't, Maggie,” Alex shook her head as she pulled back and, this time with resolution, restated, “We can’t.”

She stood up and noticeably fidgeting with her hands, headed to the door.

“I- I’ll see you tomorrow,” she stuttered before opening the door and disappearing through it.

Maggie remained sitting on the couch, going over and over what had just happened with Alex. They had talked. A lot. And they had said things that perhaps should have been said before everything had gone to shit, before they had ruined the best thing they had ever had.

She had played all her cards; she had exposed herself and begged for another chance, but all had been in vain. Once more, Alex had rejected her. However, Maggie wasn’t about to give up. Under other circumstances, she probably would’ve just surrendered and withdrawn, like she had done before. But not this time. This time Alex had said she loved her. This time Alex had said she wanted her. This time Alex had said she was _enough_. And that was all Maggie needed to keep fighting. No matter what, Maggie wasn’t giving up on what she had seen in Alex’s eyes: Hope.

Absent-mindedly fixing her eyes on the empty bottle of water that the redhead had left on the table, Maggie couldn’t help but think that even that bland piece of plastic had had better luck than her tonight. Still, she smiled, because she was going to work her ass off to change that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for: alcohol abuse
> 
> Don't forget to leave Kudos and a comment if you liked it! ;)


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning, two things happened. Or, well, more like one thing did and one didn’t.

Maggie woke up to the incessant noise of her cell phone going off. She grunted. She was convinced that last night she had turned her alarm off; and since she didn’t have to go to work for the foreseeable she had been really looking forward to a morning off, after the hell of a day —or week, or month, or almost year— she had had.

As she was trying to dismiss it, she took the phone and squinting at its screen she realized it wasn’t her alarm, but a call.

_Hardy_

“Fuck,” she mumbled, suspecting what this call was about.

He must have heard about her suspension and was calling to berate her and shout at her for being such an irresponsible idiot. She knew she probably deserved it, but she wasn’t sure she was in the mood to hear him bellow at her his disappointment. However, this was Captain Hardy and there were only a few people who Maggie give a fuck about, and he was one of them, so she picked up.

“Yeah,” she said with a hoarse voice.

“Sawyer, were you sleeping?”

“Rough night, sir,” she managed, uncovering herself from the blankets and sitting on the bed.

“Mhm,” he hummed and after a moment, with a deep and bossy voice, he continued. “I need you to come to my office right now.”

“Why? Something wrong?”

“Now, Sawyer,” he demanded before hanging up.

Maggie huffed. What the hell was happening now? She swore she couldn’t take any more shit from anybody else. Grudgingly getting up, the sharp pain she felt in her ankle suddenly reminded her of last night. It didn’t hurt as much as the night before, but it still ached. Limping to the bathroom and standing in front of her mirror, she contemplated her reflection.

She was grateful to Alex for making her take those pills and drink all that water and ice her ankle; otherwise, she was sure she wouldn’t have been able to even stand on her feet this morning. Literally.

She had a lot of thinking to do about last night. A lot had happened, and a lot had been said; and while she had her mind set about getting Alex back, right now she didn’t have the time nor the energy to do it. 

She took a quick shower and dressed up as quick. Hardy was waiting for her, and she knew he didn’t like when people made him wait. Even if he wasn’t her captain any longer, she still respected and treated him as if he still was. Just before leaving, she popped another couple of pills for the pain and, remembering she had left her bike at the bar last night, hobbled down the stairs to take a cab.

* * *

“Sir?” Maggie said after knocking twice and standing by the office’s door.

“Sawyer,” he acknowledged her. “You don’t look as bad as you sounded earlier.”

“Uh, thanks?”

Chuckling, he gestured at her to come inside and take a seat.

“Thank you for coming so quick on such short notice.”

“Of course, sir.”

“I heard about your suspension,” he started. “What happened, Maggie?”

Maggie refrained herself from rolling her eyes. She was expecting this.

“I had it coming, sir. I messed up.”

Hardy looked right at her for a long moment, observing her and considering his next words.

“You wanna know what I think? I think you have had a shitty year and that the inevitable eventually happened.”

“Sir-”

“You’re only human, Maggie. There’s only some shit one can take and you’ve taken enough for a lifetime already. I know how hard you had it. Your parents, your fiancée, your freedom, your job, and now this?” He shook his head. “No, you don’t deserve any of this, Maggie.”

Maggie’s brow furrowed in bewilderment. She didn’t remember saying anything about her parents to him.

“My parents?”

He gazed at her. “What, you think I don’t know my people?”

She blinked.

“I told you once, we take care of each other here, Sawyer. And to do that I have to know everything about everyone. And when I say everything, I mean everything. Like Thompson, for example.”

At that, Maggie’s blood froze and she felt her heart stop beating.

She could have just played dumb, but this was her captain she stood in front of, and by the look in his eyes, she didn’t really think there was any use in denying it.

Swallowing hard, she stuttered, “Y-You knew?”

“All the time.”

“How?! And why have you never said anything?” She asked, confused.

“We’ve all had our moments of weakness, Maggie. We’ve all found ourselves risking everything to save the ones we love the most,” he offered, an honest and understanding look in his eyes. “Believe me, you’re not the only one.”

Maggie suddenly wondered what might he have done to look that… _guilty_? Whatever it was, she was aware she was never going to find out.

“And you’re the greatest cop I’ve ever had the pleasure to work with, Sawyer. What I’ve learned from you so far you’ve no idea how much I appreciate it, both as a cop and as a man. Your strength, your resilience, your passion for what you do, your enormous heart. You’re an incredible woman, Maggie. I admire you and am so proud of you.”

Those were probably the most beautiful words anyone had ever told Maggie. But what she valued the most was that they came from this man, one of the very few people she utterly respected and admired.

“I… I don’t know what to… say, sir,” she stammered, moved to tears.

“You don’t have to say anything, Sawyer. I just want you to know that you don’t deserve any of what happened to you. Even if you think you do.”

“So everybody keeps saying,” she mumbled, wiping the tears that were threatening to shed.

“Maybe because it’s the truth?” He smiled.

Shaking her head, Maggie smiled back and lowered her look.

“But anyways that wasn’t why I actually summoned you here.”

“Oh?”

“I have two words for you, Sawyer.”

Maggie stared at him, very much confused but also somehow dreading the worst, as she watched him reach into a drawer looking for something.

“Welcome back,” he then said, pulling both her badge and reglementary gun from said drawer.

 _That_ she definitely wasn’t expecting. So, to say she was shocked and speechless was an understatement. She was perplexed. Seconds ago she was unemployed and he was letting her know that he was aware of _everything_ she had done, and now he was welcoming her back to the science division with a moving speech.

_What the fuck?_

“Well?” He chuckled at her shocked face.

“Are those my-”

“They are.”

“Oh my god, are you serious?!” She exclaimed, flashing a broad dimpled smile and throwing herself at them.

“I would never joke about it.”

“Oh my god!” She exclaimed again, taking the badge on her hands and looking at it with amazement. “I… I can’t believe this!”

He laughed. “Well, believe it. It’s yours again.”

“But… how?”

“Orders came from high-up.”

She scoffed. “Phillips?”

“Ah, let’s say a little higher,” he smirked.

“Commissioner Holmes?”

Hardy shook his head.

“Who then?”

“President Marsdin.”

Maggie snorted. “Yeah, right.”

He raised his eyebrows and fixed a serious look at her.

Finally taking in her captain’s serious glance, she matched his features. “You- You can’t be serious.”

“Oh, but I am.”

“But- Why the fuck would the president ask for my reinst-” And that’s when it clicked in.

_Alex._

Of course. Last night she had promised her she was going to put a good word on her, but she never imagined it was going to happen this fast nor that ‘the right people’ was going to be the freaking President of the United States of America.

“Apparently she got very angry when she heard the courageous NCPD detective who played a key role in saving the world from an alien attack had been wrongly accused of committing a crime and subsequently demoted.”

“This is just unbelievable,” she breathed.

“Look, Maggie. I don’t know how this happened, or maybe I have my suspicions, but that doesn’t matter right now. What matters right now is that if the President of our nation took the time to write a letter to the IAD to let them know her disappointment in them for their actions towards you and to formally request your immediate reinstatement she must think very highly of you. And if she does then you must have done something good in your life, Sawyer. And I know you did. You do. So fucking own it.”

Maggie opened and closed her mouth repeatedly. She was completely speechless.

“And now, with great pleasure, I inform you that as of this moment, you’re once again part of the NCPD science division, Detective Sawyer,” he said with so much pride in his voice.

He quickly got up from his office chair and walked the few steps around his desk to firmly shake Maggie’s hand, who, beaming again, shook his back.

“Welcome back, Detective. This department and I, personally, have missed you deeply,” he offered, leaning in to give her a heartfelt hug.

“Thank you, Sir. I’m honoured to be back.”

“Not as much as we are to have you back, believe me.”

“Thank you. I want you to know I’m not taking this for granted, and that I will work my ass off every day to make you and this department proud.”

“You already do, Maggie,” he assured, with shiny eyes. “Now, go back to your desk. I believe there’s a stack of paperwork that douche Phillips Jr. left for you.”

She despised paperwork, but today she didn’t care about that. Today was the happiest day of her life, and if she had to deal with a thousand stacks of paperwork then she would happily do it. There was nothing like being back home.

Walking out of her captain’s office, Maggie grabbed her phone and opened Alex’s contact.

**the president, huh?**

The response came immediately.

**Perks of the job, I know a few people.**

“ _A few people_ ”, Maggie snorted.

**thank you, Alex.**

**means a lot**

**It was my pleasure.**

How was Maggie supposed to fall out of love with this woman when she pulled things like this to save her ass, she didn’t know. But she didn’t have to, anyways. What she had to figure out right now was how to get her back.

Smiling confidently, she was about to put his phone away when another text came in.

**Are you coming tonight?**

Maggie remembered everything from last night. She remembered every word and every almost-kiss, and she remembered the reason Alex wanted her to come visit her tonight. The redhead wanted to tell her why they couldn’t be together, but Maggie didn’t care about that. All she cared about was getting her back, and whatever excuse Alex could give her, it was never going to make her not want to fight for her. Not anymore.

**no.**

Then, for good measure and reminiscing old times, she added:

**but i’ll see you around, danvers**

~

Arriving at her desk, she saw the actual stack of unfinished paperwork on it. Taking a look at them, she saw some of them dated from the very first days she had been gone.

“Fucking hell…” she mumbled, realizing it was going to take her weeks to get caught up with everything.

She suddenly heard a teasing whistling and Maggie didn’t need to turn around to know who it came from.

“Looks like you’ve got some homework to do,” McConnell teased.

Maggie stayed still, not acknowledging him, which prompted him to insist.

“I heard the news, and am really happy to have you back, Mags.”

Maggie remained silent, scanning the paperwork.

“C’mon, Sawyer! We’re gonna be partners again, you gotta talk to me at some point.”

But still, Maggie didn’t acknowledge him.

“Okay, I get it. You’re still pissed at me, I understand. I’m sorry, okay? But I was desperate and I couldn’t stand watching my friend in that hole, so I had to do something, and the only thing that occurred to me was to call her. Had I known Thompson would back off I wouldn’t have done it, but I hadn’t,” he apologized, regretful. “Look, how about I help you with half that stack?” He offered, almost as a last resource.

Maggie smirked. Turning around, she said, “Apology accepted,” and turned that smirk in a full dimpled beam.

“Seriously?” He deadpanned. “You were expecting me to bite, weren’t you?”

She laughed. “I can’t neither confirm nor deny it.”

Rolling his eyes at her, he wrapped her in a fraternal hug.

“I missed you, Mags.”

“I did too, _dummy_ ,” she jested, and then pulled apart. “But I want you to know that I was really mad at you for what you did. So I hope it doesn’t happen again, alright?”

“Believe me, I’ve learnt my lesson.”

“Good. Also, you know I would have forgiven you even if you hadn’t offered, right?” She teased, smirking at him.

“And you know I would’ve taken all the paperwork had you asked, right?” He teased back, smirking even harder when Maggie’s smirk suddenly vanished.

“I hate you, McConnell.”

“Nah, I think you pretty much love me, Sawyer,” he laughed, playfully nudging her and taking half the pile of paperwork back to his desk.

Indeed, she pretty much did. She had very much enjoyed these last few months with Winn, his company and his friendship; but she had missed Kevin a lot too, as a friend _and_ as a partner, so being able to work together and joke around again felt very nice.

* * *

Maggie felt completely different. She felt like herself again. It was safe to say that having her job back had done that. But Alex had had a lot to do with that as well. Even if it hadn’t gone as she would have expected it to go, _that night_ had been an inflection point in her life.

Waking up every morning and going back to work felt like a blessing, and every morning she woke up with a big smile on her face because of it.

After that last text, she hadn’t heard from Alex again. She had done a lot of thinking over these last few weeks, but before fully diving into that, she felt she needed to do something very important first.

She needed to see Jessica.

She needed to apologize to her. The way she had behaved had been unacceptable, and now that she was in the right place, in the right state of mind to do it, she knew she had to make it right. She owed it to her.

That was how they found themselves one night in Noonan’s. Jessica had been nice enough to accept Maggie’s invitation to have a drink together.

“Thank you for coming,” Maggie said, as they took a seat on one of the tables, each with their drink of choice. “I really appreciate it.”

“You took me by surprise, honestly. I wasn’t expecting your call.”

“I can imagine I was the last person you wanted to hear from after I ended things like I did.”

Jess shook her head softly. “I’m not mad at you, Maggie. I definitely wasn’t happy with how things turned out but I wasn’t angry. I was just sad. I… I really hoped we could have had something nice.”

“I know,” she nodded, coyly lowering her head. “I wish I could have been able to give you that, to be that person. And I’m really sorry I wasn’t.”

“You don’t have to apologize for that.”

“But I do owe you an apology. What I did to you, the way I treated you, the way I behaved, none of it was fair to you. You were there for me from the first moment and I just… I acted like an asshole,” she said with disappointment in her voice. “I’m sorry, Jess. I really am.”

“I know you are, Mags. But it’s all in the past now, I promise.”

She tilted her head. “Is it?”

“It is,” Jes assured.

Maggie flashed her a broad smile before sipping from her beer. Jess did the same with her glass of wine.

“You look different,” the lawyer observed, a gentle look on her eyes.

“I _feel_ different. I… Well, I got my job back.”

“You did? That’s awesome, Maggie!” Jess exclaimed with a genuine smile.

“I know! It’s amazing, really,” she smiled again. Then, turning serious, she continued. “You know, after we broke up, things got even harder for me. I was a mess. I felt so miserable and I… I kinda hit rock bottom. But then, stuff happened and it got me out of that really bad place I was in, and it also gave me my job back. Ever since, I’ve been feeling great, you know?”

Jess reached out and took Maggie’s hand into hers. “I’m really happy for you, Mags.”

Placing her other hand on top of hers, Maggie gripped harder and offered her a soft smile in return. She could tell Jess was genuine, and it made her feel even better to know there was no resentment whatsoever after hurting her like she did.

“I also wanted to thank you, Jess,” she started. “You have no idea how good you did to me, how much you helped me. Not just as my lawyer, but as a friend and as a woman, as the _amazing_ woman you are. You are literally one of a kind, Jess. And I was so lucky to have you by my side when I most needed you. If it hadn’t been for you, I’m not sure what would have happened to me.”

“C’mon, you’re just saying that. You would’ve been just fine.”

“I’m not,” she said firmly. “You were so important for me. You kept me going the whole time, when nothing else did.”

“Until I didn’t.”

“Nah, that was all me. I was in a really bad place, and I was sinking in it. I didn’t want to drag you along, you didn’t deserve that. Even though it sucked, I know I made the right decision to let you go, because you deserve so much better than me. I’m sure you’ll find your person.”

Jess dipped her head to the side, gazing at her. “And you? What about your person?”

“I… I’m still dealing with it,” Maggie offered, avoiding her look. “But I hope one day we’ll find our way back.”

Jess just nodded and sipped from her wine. At that moment, her phone went off with a text notification that made her smile.

“Ooh, who might that be?” Maggie teased.

“Just...someone.”

“Am I keeping you from that someone?”

“No, don’t worry. I’ll just ask her for a raincheck,” she said as she started typing her reply.

“Hey,” Maggie reached across the table and took her hand again. “Go. Don’t worry about me, you just go.”

Jess squinted at her. “Are you sure?”

“You don’t leave a lady waiting, Carter. Rule number one.”

She laughed. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

Watching the lawyer standing up, she checked her out and smiled. “You look beautiful tonight, Jess.”

“I know,” she winked. “Don’t be a stranger, okay?”

Tugging up a smile, Maggie nodded.

Before leaving, Jess stood by Maggie’s side and lay a hand on her shoulder. “For the record, I still think you’re amazing, and I really wish you two find your way back together. You deserve to be happy too, Maggie. Don’t give up, please.”

As Maggie watched her walk away, a gratifying smile formed on her lips. She felt incredibly relieved and satisfied for having had the chance to apologize and express her gratitude to Jessica, who had really been an amazing mainstay in one of the hardest moments of her life.

* * *

The next time Maggie saw Alex was at the DEO.

The NCPD had been alerted of a group of baby traffickers that was dedicated to buy and sell both human and alien babies on the black market. The science division was taking the case and given its importance and seriousness, they had asked to join forces with the DEO.

This was the first case Alex and Maggie were going to be working together after Maggie was back. The fact that it was a case related to babies and that she had to work it with Alex was kind of an irony to her. Nonetheless, she was excited.

In the conference room, Maggie and McConnell were presenting the case in detail to Alex, Supergirl and Winn.

“Any questions?” Maggie asked once they finished their presentation.

“How could anyone sell their baby?” Supergirl murmured, shocked.

Maggie shrugged. “Some of them are young women with unwanted pregnancy that find a way out selling their babies; others are women that exclusively do this for a living; and others are just forced to do it.”

“Is it a sex trafficking ring we are talking about?” Alex inquired.

“Sex-trafficking, slavery, child labor, everything is a possibility,” McConnell answered. “Their cover is a surrogacy clinique where infertile couples, same-sex couples, and single parents, who want to adopt but find the adoption laws too strict and have the means to afford it, find a way to get what they want. But they’re nothing but an exclusive illegal adoption market.”

“Are all of them newborns?” Kara asked again.

“The cases we’ve been reported of, yes. But we don’t disregard the possibility of older children, too.”

“Newborns or not, it doesn’t matter, we have to stop those monsters,” Alex said, her voice determined. “What is your plan, detectives?”

“They move very carefully, and are extremely meticulous with their clients. They like to study their backgrounds before starting to negotiate. So since we need to catch them in the act, we figured that going undercover would be the best option,” McConnell informed.

“So let me see if I understood correctly. You make an appointment, tell them what kind of baby you’d like to _buy_ , and then just...buy the baby? Just like that?” Winn, who until now had been carefully listening, asked.

“Once you’re cleared, yes.”

“Man…” he mumbled, horrified.

“Okay, I’ll do it,” Supergirl decided.

“That’s the problem, Supergirl. You can’t. The factory, as it is called, is protected with kryptonite,” Maggie said. “You couldn’t even make it through the door.”

“Seriously?”

“They’re no amateurs. They’ve been doing this for a while now.”

“Okay, so what do you propose?” Alex asked, keenly looking at Maggie.

“We go together.”

Alex raised an eyebrow. “You and me?”

“I think it’s perfect. A lesbian married couple wanting to expand their family and become parents.”

Alex seemed to consider it for a moment, but after sharing a complice -and very confusing- look with Kara, she nodded.

“Okay.”

“No, Alex, I don’t think it’s-”

“I’ll do it,” she sentenced.

Shifting her glance between Alex and Kara, Maggie nodded back. “Alright. So now we need to start on that cover. Winn?”

“On it, Mags,” he said, standing off his chair and heading to his workstation.

“What about me?” Supergirl asked.

McConnell quickly replied. “You’ll be our eyes. They won’t be able to enter armed or hired, because they have scanners, so we’ll need both your super-vision and super-hearing to know when to strike.”

“Wait, what do you mean they won’t be armed? It’s too dangerous!”

“Kara, everything will be fine, don’t worry,” Alex assured. “You’ll be there to make sure everything goes as planned.”

“Yeah, but what if it doesn’t? What if something goes wrong? I won’t be able to help you!”

“But I will. And McConnell and the NCPD and the DEO, we all will be there,” Maggie stepped in, somewhat offended by the insinuation. “It’s a simple mission, Supergirl, what’s all the fuss about?”

“This time it’s different.”

“Different how?”

“I…” Kara hesitated, her eyes fixed on Alex’s, who was glowering back at her. “You- You’re going in unarmed and unprotected. I just...worry.”

“We’ll stick to the plan and nothing will go wrong. If it does, you can kick my ass,” Maggie ventured.

“Oh, you can bet on it, detective. Both of your ass,” Kara threatened, pointing at her and Kevin.

“Hey, leave my innocent ass out of this!” He playfully complained.

“The only ass that will be kicked will be ours if we don’t get this right, so we better start focusing on the mission, understood?” Alex bellowed.

“Yes, ma’am,” Kevin snarked. “I’ll go see how Schott is doing.”

When Kevin walked out of the room, Maggie observed how Kara approached the redhead and whispered her concern.

“Alex, are you sure you wanna do this? It’s too dangerous.”

“I am, Kara. You don’t have to worry, it will all be just fine,” Alex assured, this time with her soft Alex Danvers voice.

Kara turned to look at Maggie for a second, and then looking back at Alex, she nodded.

“Now, please inform Alpha team to get ready. We’ll head out the minute Winn finishes with our covers.”

Kara sighed. “Right away, director Danvers.”

When they were left alone, Maggie raised an eyebrow as she walked a few steps closer to the redhead.

“Director, huh?”

Alex shrugged. “Yeah, since J’onn retired.”

“Huh. I was wondering why he wasn’t around.”

“He’s a PI, now. He’s doing pretty good.”

“Well, congrats then. I have no doubts you are the right one for the job, director,” she smiled, tilting her head.

Alex accepted the compliment, offering a polite smile in return.

“And, uh…” later Maggie trailed, checking Alex’s outfit up and down. “The, uh, the outfit came with the promotion?”

When she and her partner had walked into the DEO and spotted Alex, Maggie’s breath literally faltered and she had to stop for a second to calm herself and breath deeply because the redhead in her black bodysuit was certainly doing things to her.

“Uhm, no, this was a gift from Winn, actually.”

“It looks… _hot_ ,” Maggie asserted, unconsciously biting her lips. “You look hot.”

“Oh. I… uh, thanks?” She started fidgeting with her utility belt, suddenly feeling self conscious. “So, uh, you, uh, you’re sure you wanna do this with me? You know, going undercover as a married couple who wants children?”

“Well, it’s not _ideal_ , to say the least, but I’m actually excited to do this,” she smiled. “I’ve missed working with you, Danvers. And we’ve always made a pretty good team, so.”

“Yeah, we do,” Alex granted.

For a few moments, they stared awkwardly at each other.

“You, uh, you look happy. Definitely happier than the last time we saw each other.”

“I’m great. In a big part thanks to you,” she admitted.

“Me? Why?”

“First of all, because thanks to you I got my job back, and that’s something I’ll always appreciate, Alex.”

Alex waved her off.

“And second, because seeing you and listening to you that night, it did good to me. It helped me see things more clearly.”

“What things?”

“Just… things.”

“But we, uh, we never really finished that talk,” Alex remarked. “We were supposed to finish it the next day.”

“I know. But I figured that if you were going to tell me why we can’t be together then there was no point in hearing that,” Maggie shrugged.

“Oh.”

“What?”

“Nothing, I just…” she hesitated. “You seemed so determined that night.”

“Oh, I was,” Maggie hurried to assure. “I still am, Alex. I just thought that hearing the reasons we can’t be together wasn’t going to change anything. I’m not giving up that easily this time, Alex. If you still love me and want me, then I’m gonna fight for you.”

“Maggie-”

“Guys,” Kevin interrupted them, suddenly opening the door. “Winn’s ready.”

“Thanks, Kev. We’ll be right there,” Maggie said, before Kevin left again. “Later?”

Pursing her lips, the redhead nodded. “Later.”

~

They went down to the command center where Winn, tablet in hand, started presenting the official cover while in the back McConnell was going through the mission again with Supergirl and the DEO alpha team.

“Let me introduce you to the Spencers,” Winn gestured to the big screen on the wall where two files were displayed, one of Maggie and the other of Alex. “Maggie, you’ll be Margaret Spencer; American, thirty five years old, kindergarten teacher-”

At that, Maggie snorted. “Really?”

“Seemed appropriate,” Winn shrugged. When Maggie rolled her eyes but didn’t complain, he continued. “Alex, you’ll be Alexa Spencer; American, thirty five as well, and you work in politics.”

“Why’s her job cooler than mine?!” Maggie pouted.

“You’ve been married for six years and have been trying to adopt for years now. You’ve tried the legal way and with AI as well but it hasn’t worked so far. You have a nice house in a private neighbourhood in the suburbs of National City and a fluffy Golden retriever. You’ve heard about ‘The Factory’ from a colleague of Alex’s who was a very satisfied client,” he finished.

From the corner of her eyes, Maggie spotted Alex fidgeting with her fingers, and she suspected how hard it may have been hitting her close to home. On the contrary, this did nothing to Maggie, she couldn’t relate with Margaret in the slightest.

“They’ll probably want to look into our finances and social networks, though.”

“Exactly, and they will find a very bulky bank account, which will certainly settle them. They will also find Margaret’s personal Facebook, which is full of children and dogs and gardening articles as well as a few pics of both her and her wife together,” he said, showing them the fake profile he had created for the cover.

Passing through the images, there was one of Margaret and Alexa at what clearly was their wedding, each wearing a white beautiful dress and smiling happily at each other, as Alexa put the ring in Margaret’s finger. Both Maggie and Alex looked at each other for a second and then quickly looked away, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable.

Maggie felt her stomach churn. The dress wouldn’t have been her first choice, but the way they were looking at each other, so in love, so happy, that was how she had pictured their own wedding.

Shaking those thoughts away, Maggie cleared her throat.

“It’s, uh, I think it’s gonna work just fine.”

“Yeah. Good job, Schott,” Alex then praised, with her deep, agent- _director_ voice.

They reviewed another few details of the cover before going to change their clothes into something more according to Margaret and Alexa. Maggie’s outfit made her look like a soccer mom while Alex’s was quite more her own style.

“I feel ridiculous,” Maggie huffed, looking down herself as she straightened her floral dress.

“I think you look cute,” Alex countered, in a tender voice.

“Now you’re just making fun of me, Danvers.”

“Hey, I’m not,” the redhead assured, slightly biting her bottom lip.

They locked eyes and for a moment, Maggie felt the world stopped moving. The look in Alex’s eyes was filled with love and longing, and Maggie could feel herself melting at her glance. There was something special about Alex lately. Something she had noticed the other night but figured it was just her mind and the alcohol making it up, or that it maybe was the way her hair, more red and shorter, made her look. But it wasn’t just that, and Maggie knew it wasn’t her imagination this time. Alex definitely looked different, her eyes had a special brightness. She was radiant. Maggie couldn’t stop looking at her, admiring her out-of-this-world beauty. They could have stayed forever like that, but a not-so-subtle Kara pulled them out of their world with a firm throat-clearing.

“We are ready,” she said, hands on her hips.

Promptly nodding, Alex’s features hardened. “We are, too.”

“Alright, Danvers, let’s go buy a baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for: mentions of child abuse. (Related to a case)
> 
> Don't forget to leave Kudos and a comment if you liked it! ;)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a brief and slight nsfw scene.

When they arrived, Tamara, a middle aged blond woman, welcomed them with a very sympathetic and carefree smile. They introduced themselves and hastily told her their story and how they had ended up finding out about the factory. The whole time Maggie and Alex, or, well, Margaret and Alexa, kept their hands linked and every time they looked into each other’s eyes a dumb smile would form on their faces. Later they would argue that it was just part of the acting, but deep down both of them knew that except for their identities and their purpose there, everything else was just them.

After being cleared without a problem, thanks to Winn and his magic, and discussing the prices and fees, the happy couple showed Tamara Margaret’s purse full of money. Both described the kind of baby they wanted— newborn, girl, human or alien, they weren’t picky— and were escorted to one of the several rooms in the back where at least ten newborns in their cribs were displayed as simple goods for them to choose. When Maggie saw them, she wanted to throw up and to fucking punch the monsters that were doing this, epecially this Tamara woman, with her perfect and unscrupulous smile, like this was the most normal thing in the world. Judging by Alex’s face, she wasn’t feeling any different.

After choosing a random baby girl, and, right as they had planned, handing them the two hundred thousand dollars in cash, both the NCPD and DEO teams busted into the building through both the front and back doors, quickly reducing all the security guards, the clients and all the people involved in the business. As Maggie took pleasure in punching and reducing Tamara, Alex protected the tiny baby girl in her arms and ran to the back to check on the rest of the innocent babies.

“Take this disgusting piece of shit out of my sight,” she instructed one of the officers after handcuffing the perp.

“Right away, detective,” he answered and did as told.

“Maggie, you okay?” Asked McConnell, coming through one of the doors.

“I’m alright. Where’s Alex?” She asked, turning around and not seeing the redhead.

“I thought she was with you?”

“She was right here, I-”

“Shit!” He mumbled, taping the earplug in his ear. “They have her.”

Maggie’s heart stopped beating.

Rapidly recovering control, Maggie snatched Kevin’s gun and darted towards the back. When she spotted her, a suited man held her with his arm hooked around her neck and a gun pointing at her head.

“Don’t come any closer!” He demanded.

He looked nervous, and his hands were shaking.

“Throw your weapon!” She bellowed, pointing at him.

“You are in no position to ask for anything, so you better back off and let me go or I’ll fucking kill this bitch!” He threatened.

“You’re surrounded, asshole! There’s no place to go!” McConnell grunted, coming right behind Maggie along with both the DEO and NCPD teams, everyone pointing their guns at the perp.

“If you want her alive then that won’t be a problem.”

“Supergirl is waiting outside, you really think you can get away with it?” Maggie insisted, never lowering her gun, her grip firm on it.

He tightened his jaw, considering his options. “Fuck!”

“Drop your weapon and let her go,” she ordered again.

“No, this fucking bitch ruined my business, I’m gonna kill her!” He grunted, taking the safe off his gun and hardening his grip on it.

In that moment, looking into Alex’s frightened eyes, a sudden memory came to her mind. The one of her nightmares, where Malverne was pointing a gun at Alex threatening to kill her while Maggie wasn’t able to do anything, not even move. It sparked something on Maggie, anger, fury, _fear_. Fear of losing her, again, and this time forever.

 _Bang_.

Maggie shot.

“Fucking bitch!” The perp growled of pain, as he landed on the floor dropping the gun and taking his hand to his injured shoulder.

“Shut your fucking mouth!” Kevin scolded as he ran towards the perp and kicked the weapon away before roughly turning him face down and handcuffing him.

At the same time, when she felt she was finally safe, Alex threw herself at Maggie, who immediately wrapped her into her arms. The redhead was shaking like a leaf into the embrace, and Maggie could feel Alex’s heart was threatening to skip out of her chest.

“Hey, easy, easy,” Maggie soothed, tightening her arms around her. “I got you, you’re safe now.”

“I…I came back to check on the babies, I- I didn’t- He took me by surprise, I- I don’t know why I froze-” Alex stuttered in shock.

“Shh, it’s okay, Alex, breath now,” she tried. “Where’s the little girl?”

“Sh-she’s in her crib.”

“Alright, she’s okay then. Don’t worry about it.”

“I-,” Alex gulped, “I thought he- he was gonna kill me. I…” 

“Hey, hey, hey,” pulling back, Maggie cupped her face. “You’re okay, Alex. You’re safe. It’s over, okay? It’s over.”

Alex nodded, but her whole body was still shaking.

“Oh, sweetie, come here,” she hummed and hugged her protectively again. “You’re alright,” she repeated as she gently rubbed her back.

Minutes passed before she was able to finally calm Alex completely down. It was the first time she had seen her react like that after something hadn’t gone as expected in a mission. Granted, she had been held at gunpoint, but this wasn’t the first time it had happened, and never before had Alex froze or panicked during it like that.

Walking outside, among blue and red lights shining in the late afternoon, Supergirl was desperately waiting for them and Maggie could literally feel the hero glaring at her. She was sure that if Alex hadn’t been so close to her, she would’ve actually incinerated her with her heat vision.

“Finally! Whose ass shall I kick first?”

Maggie rolled her eyes. “C’mon, nothing happened.”

“She was held at gunpoint, Maggie! He could’ve killed them!”

“Them?” She frowned.

“Her! Them! I mean- her and the babies!” She sputtered.

“He wasn’t about to hurt the babies. And I would have never let him hurt her either, Supergirl. You know that!” She snapped, glaring at the hero.

“But what if-”

“Hey, I’m fine, okay?” Alex cut her sister off, softly taking her hand and intently looking at her. “I’m fine, Ka- Supergirl.”

“Are you sure?”

Alex nodded firmly. “I am. I promise.”

Relenting, Supergirl nodded back.

“So, I get to keep my ass then?” McConnell jested, gaining a playful punch from Maggie and an eye roll from Kara.

“Excuse me, detectives?” an NCPD officer interrupted them. “We are ready to wrap it up.”

“Okay, show us what we got,” she said and excusing themselves, both her and Kevin followed the officer back inside.

They were able to collect thousands of files with information about sellers and buyers as evidence, as they also found out that not all of the children had been sold to them, but some had actually been robbed from their families. Despite the scare with Alex, everything else had gone just as great as they had expected; and with all the evidence and the testimonies collected, Maggie was content to know that they would be able to set up a solid case to put those motherfuckers away for good.

* * *

By the time Maggie and the NCPD wrapped it all up, Alex, who was calmer and feeling like herself again, offered her a ride back home.

“I’d invite you in, but I can imagine you must be feeling exhausted after what happened,” Maggie said once Alex pulled by her building.

“I’m fine, I…”

Maggie tilted her head. “What?”

“I’d really like to finish our conversation, once and for all.”

“Alex, maybe it’s not the right-”

“No, please. I really… I wanna tell you everything.”

To be fair, Maggie was feeling exhausted too. All she really wanted was to take a shower, have a beer and go to bed after the intense day they had had. But she also figured Alex was going to keep insisting on having this ‘conversation’, so she considered that the sooner they ended with it, the better. Besides, she knew very well nothing was going to change her feelings or her mind anyways, so there was no real harm in having it after all.

Maggie nodded and both got out of the car and went up to her apartment.

“Should we order in? I’m kinda starving,” Maggie said as they walked inside her apartment.

“Sure, yeah, whatever is fine by me.”

Maggie took her phone and through the food delivery app, she ordered a pizza from her favorite italian restaurant.

“Beer?” She offered, putting her phone away.

“Oh, I… no, water is fine, thanks.”

Maggie stopped on her track and turned around, raising an eyebrow at her. “Sure?”

“Sure.”

Maggie shrugged. “Suit yourself, Danvers. You mind helping yourself, though? I’d really like to take a quick shower and change out of this halloween costume.”

Alex chuckled. “Okay.”

“Oh, and get a beer for me, alright? I’ll be back in a few.”

Not even ten minutes later, Maggie was out of her bedroom, changed into a pair of grey sweatpants and a navy NCPD t-shirt, with her hair dripping wet.

“Okay, I’m here,” she said, joining Alex who was sitting at the table focused on her phone.

“Your beer,” Alex offered the drink and then proposed a toast. “To a successful case.”

“To those assholes rotting in jail,” Maggie said, clinking their drinks and sipping.

“You were awesome today, Maggie.”

“Yeah, except for the part where I almost got you killed.”

“Don’t be silly. You handled the situation like a champ,” Alex reassured.

“Are you okay, though? You were pretty shaken back then.”

“I am now,” she nodded.

Before Magge could say anything else, the doorbell rang announcing their dinner. They set the table and hastily started eating in comfortable chatting.

“You think they’ll put them away forever?” Alex asked as she took a big bite of her pepperoni pizza.

“The perps? Honestly, I don't know. They are too powerful and know a lot of people, the same people that had been protecting and promoting their business for so long. What I do know, though, is that I’ll work my ass off to make it happen,” she said with resolve.

Taking another bite, Alex nodded.

“We were able to gather a lot of evidence and information about locations and people involved, very valuable information, that will be of great use in court.”

“What about the children?”

“Well, those who were robbed are being reunited with their families as we speak. As for the others…” Maggie shrugged, “I guess CPS will take care of them.”

“They’re going into the system?”

Chewing, Maggie nodded.

“There were so many of them…” Alex trailed, remembering the room full of crying newborns. “I felt sick when I saw them displayed in that room, like puppies in a shelter.”

Swallowing her food, Maggie nodded. “I know, I felt the same way. And that’s why I won’t stop until I see those motherfuckers behind bars. They as well as their clients and their providers. All of them are equally guilty.”

They held each other’s gaze until Maggie looked away, silently taking another sip of her beer.

“What is it?” Alex asked, knowing something was troubling her mind.

Shaking her head, Maggie started, “It’s just, I don’t understand how there’s people who would actually buy a child. I mean, forget about those who buy them to exploit them, they’re just… they deserve to fucking burn in hell. I’m talking about those like Margaret and Alexa. Normal people, even good people, if you will. How could someone buy a baby and then be able to call them their daughter or their son, or tell them how much they love them, or even look at them in the eyes, knowing how they got them? I- I swear to God, I try but I can’t understand.”

After a moment considering it, Alex shrugged. “I can.”

Glancing up at her, Maggie frowned. She didn’t have to say anything further to prompt Alex to explain herself.

“There are people so desperate for being parents, for giving love, for having a family, the family they always dreamed about. I don’t think they are bad people for wanting that. Sure, they are doing it wrong, you can’t just buy a person and promote these...monsters and their unscrupulous business. But I don’t really think doing that makes them a bad person, they are just desperate. And, frankly, I understand them. I don’t justify them, by any means. But I just- I do understand them. I know how it feels like to want a daughter, a son, so badly and not being able to have it.”

Listening intently, something clicked in Maggie. She understood everything. Not what they were talking about; she was certain she would never understand how anyone in their right mind would actually buy a person just to fill the void. But she understood what Alex was conveying through that. She still wanted kids, she still felt the same way about being a mother and nothing, not a single thing, had really changed. It didn’t matter how hard Maggie would try, or how much Alex loved Maggie; Alex would always choose them over her.

She nodded as realization hit her. “So that’s how you really feel, huh? Nothing has really changed after all.”

Leaving the rest of her second portion of pizza on her plate, Alex shrugged. “I told you, except my feelings for you, everything has changed.”

“They were never enough, though.”

“They were. They are. You are, Maggie. You will always be. But…”

“Please, don’t say it,” Maggie whispered, begging. “Not again… Please.”

“But I have to,” Alex insisted. “I need you to understand why we can’t-”

“Alex, don’t. Please, I’m begging you,” she implored, as her eyes filled with unshed tears and her throat with grief.

“Maggie, it’s really important…”

The chair Maggie was sitting on scraped as she pulled closer to the redhead, taking her hands into hers. “If this is going to be the last time I have you here, like this, with me, I don’t want it to be with you rejecting me again. Please.”

“Maggie… What do you want?” Alex managed, already shedding some tears of her own.

Maggie reached up and cupped her face, leaning even closer. “I want you. For one last time, I want you.”

“Maggie…”

“But only if you want me too. So if you do, kiss me. ‘Cause I’m not going to do it.”

Alex rested her forehead against Maggie’s and cupped her face as well. “I… I can’t. I want to, but I can’t. It- It would hurt a lot afterwards.”

Regretfully, Maggie closed her eyes as a single tear rolled down her face. “I understand,” she nodded. “I do.”

She really did. That was exactly the reason Maggie didn’t want to do it herself. She feared that if she leaned fully closer and kissed her, Alex would pull away leaving her wanting for more but not being able to satisfy that consuming need anymore. So yes, it would really hurt. Even much more than not kissing her at all.

She stood up, turning her back to Alex as she wiped her tears away. Then, turning around again, she started saying, “I really thought we could fix it this t-”

But she couldn’t finish her sentence, because Alex’s lips were pressed hard against hers.

At first, it felt like butting heads. It was so clumsy and unexpected that it actually surprised her. But when Maggie felt Alex’s soft, warm lips moving against hers, she immediately understood what was happening and hastily reciprocated.

The kiss was passionate, spirited, intense, just like a so-longed for kiss was supposed to be like. But it was also desperate and messy, as their tongues battled against each other to have control, to dominate, and to please.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Alex managed, pulling back breathless, “this is wrong.”

“It’s us, Alex. It could never be wrong,” she leaned forward and started kissing Alex’s neck, right where she knew drove the redhead wild.

“Maggie,” Alex whimpered. “I- I don’t wanna stop, but-”

“Then don’t,” Maggie said and pressed their lips together again.

This time Maggie was the one who set the pace of the kiss, which was just as passionate and intense as the previous one, but more graceful, not like they were trying to eat each other out. This time they were enjoying every bit of it, and their tongues quickly learned to coordinate with each other, just like no time had passed.

As they made out with so much love and passion, Maggie felt something she never felt with anyone else after Alex, something she never thought she would ever feel again; she felt like being home again.

Maggie’s hands started to roam freely down Alex’s upper body, purposefully making pressure on her sides, until she reached to the hem of the redhead’s jean shirt and with her incredibly talented hands started to delicately touch her warm silky skin. At the mere contact, Maggie felt her body burn with passion, with _want_ ; and right then she knew there was nothing that would stop them from taking this further.

“Let’s go to bed,” Maggie whispered against Alex’s neck as her hands were deep inside her shirt.

Breathing heavily, Alex pulled apart for a moment to look into Maggie’s eyes again, and this time, instead of second guessing anything, she firmly nodded and let the brunette lead the way to her bedroom.

After another few minutes of intense making out by the bed, Maggie sat on the edge and shifted Alex between her legs as she started to vehemently unbutton her shirt and stare at her pale and beautiful skin.

“God,” Maggie breathed before leaning forward and starting to leave soft kisses on Alex’s belly, up to her chest, earning a rather loud whimper in return from the redhead.

“Maggie,” she hummed, her voice gentle but desperate for more.

“Come here, babe,” Maggie said, resting both her hands on each side of Alex’s hips and prompting her to straddle her lap.

After Maggie effortlessly took the redhead shirt completely off, she started teasing her breasts that until then were covered by her bra. Reaching behind, in a swift move, Maggie unclasped the offending piece of garment that was keeping her from Alex’s magic and beautiful breasts.

As Maggie started sucking on them, intently and with such love and fervour, Alex circled her arms around Maggie’s neck and started to moan and grind herself harder against her, desperately trying to relieve the overwhelming pressure where she most needed it.

Getting the hint, Maggie pulled her own t-shirt off in a very fast move and resumed her task as she pulled Alex tighter against herself and locked her abs to make it more pleasant to the redhead, feeling the warmth that emerged from her centre. Alex, who at this point was a panting mess, tangled her fingers in Maggie’s hair as with the other hand gripped her shoulder hard as she tried to shift into a position that would help her apply even more pressure to her throbbing clit.

Maggie kissed those delicious breasts harder, some times biting gently and some others flicking her tongue across the hard nipples as well, as Alex’s movements grew more and more erratic until she abruptly tensed and, with a loud and almost unexpected moaned ‘ _Fuck!_ ’, her hips started stuttering followed by a strong shuddering as an orgasm ran through her whole body.

“Oh, my god!” Alex exclaimed, panting and whimpering, feeling the overwhelming waves of her embarrassingly early orgasm. “I- I’m sorry, I…”

Still having her on her lap, Maggie immediately hugged her and tried to reassure her. “Shh, don’t be. It was perfect. _You_ are perfect.”

“I didn’t mean to…”

“That makes it even hotter,” Maggie smirked, incredibly aroused. “Are you okay to go on?”

“Mhm,” Alex hummed, hastily nodding and unable to articulate a single word as she was completely lost into the brunette’s lustful eyes.

Smirking even harder, Maggie took her own bra off and in a swift move turned them around landing on top of Alex. The night was just beginning, and Maggie couldn’t wait to spend it between the redhead’s legs.

* * *

It was indeed like no time had passed. Their movements were synced and their moans and whimpers understood without any trouble. They didn’t need to say _more_ , or _harder,_ or _faster_ to really understand what the other needed. They remembered every touch, every spot, every taste of the other. That was why it didn’t go unnoticed by Maggie how Alex tasted different this time. Not bad, but different. Different from what she remembered; different from what she had expected her to taste like.

They came many times, a couple of them together, until, breathless and all sweaty and exhausted, they collapsed next to each other on the bed.

“Wow,” Alex exclaimed, a radiant smile on her face.

“That was good, wasn’t it?”

“Good? It was amazing!” She grinned.

Maggie chuckled at Alex’s enthusiasm, and pulled her closer once again.

“I missed you so much, Alex. I can’t believe this is happening,” she mumbled, leaning down and kissing the redhead lovingly.

Breaking the kiss, a devilish dimpled smile tugged in Maggie’s face. “Wanna go again?”

Alex laughed. “Again?!”

Maggie eagerly nodded.

“Mmm… Maybe in a few minutes,” she slurred, clearly still not completely back from her ecstasy, turning around and prompting the brunette to cuddle her.

Maggie happily obliged, but when she was sliding her left hand from her hips to her belly to hug her properly, Alex quickly took it into hers and lifted it to her lips to give it a gentle kiss and then cuddled it against her upper chest. They stayed quiet like that for a few long minutes, until Maggie felt curious about what was going through the redhead’s mind.

“What’s on your mind?” she mumbled, kissing between her shoulders.

“Nothing, really,” Alex slightly shrugged. “Just enjoying the moment. You?”

“About how happy I feel right now,” she said and, tightening the embrace, kissed the back of Alex’s neck slightly biting.

Alex giggled, shuddering at the tickling that Maggie’s mouth was causing in her.

“Stop!” She squealed, giggling hard.

Maggie laughed, as she felt Alex shrieking against her. Moments later, taking pity on her, she relented.

“These scars…” Alex then trailed as she caressed Maggie’s arms.

“Oh,” she hesitated. “These, uh, these are a souvenir… from, uh… Roulette.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I imagined they would have vanished by now, but… they didn’t.”

In that moment, Maggie felt how Alex’s body suddenly stilled into her arms and intended to get up.

“Hey, what is it?” Maggie prevented her from getting out of bed.

“I- I should really start to… leave,” Alex grimaced, wrapping herself in the blankets.

“Alex, c’mon…”

Maggie’s eyes begged, feeling how the perfect dream they had found themselves in was rapidly turning into reality.

“I shouldn’t- I can’t stay.”

“Hey…” She shifted, mirroring the redhead and sitting on the bed as well. “C’mon, stay.”

Cupping Maggie’s cheek, Alex closed her eyes and regretfully shook her head. “You wouldn’t want me to.”

“Wh- Of course I want you to, Alex. I want you back-”

“No you don’t, Maggie. Because I- When you hear what I’ve got to tell you you’re gonna want me to disappear from your life.”

At the absurdity of that statement, Maggie frowned. “What… What are you talking about, Alex? There’s nothing that could ever make me want you to disappear.”

Alex stared at her for a moment, and then lowering her head she shook it again.

“Alex, what is it? You can tell me anything, I promise nothing will change my desire to have you here with me forever.”

Swallowing hard, Alex started. “Remember how I told you that I was determined to give up on kids to have you back and then when I visited at jail everything changed?”

Maggie slightly nodded.

“Well, that day in jail I wanted to help you, yes, but that wasn’t all. I also wanted to tell you how much I missed you and how I still loved you and how I was willing to give up on everything if only for a chance to have you back. But… Well, nothing went as I had expected. So that day I finally made up my mind on two things. One of them was that I had to get you out of there. I figured that whether I did it or not, you would still hate me the same, and that was something I would have to learn to live with because there was nothing I could do to change it. But you being in jail, your career and your life ruined because of me, that was something I couldn’t have lived with.”

Intently looking at her, Maggie frowned. “What are you trying to say, Alex?”

Swallowing past a lump in her throat, Alex confessed. “Th-that I lied to you. I did have something to do with your release.”

There was a long moment of silence, as Maggie processed everything.

“But… I specifically told you _not_ to engage. And you- you said that you wouldn’t. And after that, you promised me that you didn’t,” Maggie stammered, trying to make sense of any of it.

“But I lied, Maggie. I didn’t hear you and then I lied to you!”

“Why?!”

“Because I couldn’t just do nothing while you were unfairly sentenced to that dirty hole they had you in!” Alex explained, with great sorrow but not regretting it. “And I didn’t tell you because I knew you weren’t going to like it, and I was afraid of how you would react. Because knowing you, you would’ve probably gone straight to IAD and demand them to lock you up again. And I didn’t want to see you back in that hole again, Mags. Ever.”

That scenario was a little extreme, to be fair. But Alex did make her point. Maggie felt anger starting to arise inside her even now, after months, she didn’t imagine how she might have felt back then.

Trying to keep the calm, Maggie inquired, “How?”

Adamantly, Alex shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does.”

“Why?”

“I have the right to know at least that, don’t you think?!”

In her mind, Maggie laughed at the irony of it all. Now she was the one demanding some answers regarding something Alex had done behind her back.

Coyly, Alex started to fidget with the blankets. “I… I asked J’onn to… to impersonate Peter Thompson,” she managed, ducking her head and biting the inside of her cheek.

 _Irony, indeed_.

Of all the possibilities and scenarios she had played in her mind, she never thought about that one. And now she wondered how on fucking earth she hadn’t thought about it before. It was simple and pretty obvious, and deep down, even if right now it came off a little bit as a surprise, Maggie always kind of knew Alex had actually had something to do with it. Even after she had so forthrightly denied it.

“But… how?”

“I don’t really know the details. All I know is that he impersonated him in front of his lawyer and the internal affairs’ guy and then mindwiped him so that he would never speak about it again.”

Maggie let her head drop into her hands, trying to digest the news. Only minutes ago she was deep inside the redhead and vice versa, and now she was making this confession. To say she was bemused was an understatement.

“I… I don’t know- I…” she bit her bottom lip, trying to come up with the right words. “I’m fucking pissed, Alex. I- You know how I feel about-”

“Not being heard, I know. Believe me, I do. But I had no choice, Maggie. I had to do it. Just like you felt you had to when you decided to go rogue and free Thompson.”

Maggie scowled at her. “That was totally different, Alex! You were about to fucking die in that tank, and nobody seemed to fucking care about that, not even your sister! I had to do it, otherwise-”

“Exactly my point, Maggie! What do you think would’ve eventually happened to you in that cell, with Roulette prowling around? Despite the obvious fact that you were about to spend years locked up in there. You saved me because you loved me. Well, I did the same. I couldn’t have gone a single day knowing you were rotting in there and in danger. I did what I had to do.”

Maggie sighed, shaking her head. She didn’t agree with Alex. Roulette would have probably made her life a little difficult, but she wouldn’t have actually killed her, so it wasn’t the same. At all. However, she didn’t want to argue about that anymore. Sure, Maggie was pissed at Alex for lying to her, but she also wasn’t about to hold a grudge against her just for that. It wasn’t worth losing Alex over that. They would certainly have to talk about it, but now wasn’t the moment.

“Look, Alex. You were right about me being pissed off, but even that won’t make me want you out of my life. I get it, okay? Or, I don’t, really, but I get your point, and I respect it. We will have to do some talking in the future, but that doesn’t change anything for me. I still want you. I still love you.”

“No, Mags, you don’t understand. There’s… there’s more.”

“See, whatever it is, Alex, it doesn’t matter. Nothing will-”

“Maggie, I’m pregnant!”

For a long moment, all there was, was silence.

And then Maggie chuckled. It was a reflex though, she didn’t really know why she was laughing. Only when she saw Alex’s serious features, it came down on her, along with a cold shiver.

“Wait, what?”

“I’m pregnant,” she repeated, softer this time.

This time she wasn’t laughing. Quite the contrary, her expressions hardened and her breath hitched.

It hit Maggie like a bucket of cold water.

She felt like the air had been punched out of her chest.

She was shocked. She was speechless. She was disappointed.

All she could do was gape at Alex, bewildered. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t form a single word. She couldn't even think.

She was paralized.

Observing her very carefully, Alex worried at the killing silence. She reached forward trying to grab Maggie’s hands, but in that moment the brunette somehow reacted and pulled them away before she could even touch her. Silently, Maggie got off the bed, collected her clothes scattered on the floor and put in on. Feeling all exposed and uncomfortable, Alex did the same.

“Why now?” Maggie whispered, her tone defeated. “Why are you telling me this just now?”

“I’ve been trying to tell you before but you wouldn’t let me.”

“I thought… I thought it would be some stupid excuse, or that maybe you were afraid or still having doubts, or… I never thought it was because you were freaking pregnant, Alex! You should’ve fucking told me before I-” She sighed, shaking her head in disbelief.

“I tried! I just- I didn’t know _how_ ,” Alex said with a small voice.

There was another moment of silence. Maggie felt her mind was about to fucking explode because of how fast it was working at trying to understand what was happening.

“What about what you told me the other night? Was it… Was everything a lie?”

“No! Of course, not. Maggie, I- I really wanted you back.”

“Then please, help me understand because I swear to God I’m really lost here, Alex,” she begged.

Both sat at the edge of the bed, three feets apart from each other.

“After we broke up, when I was trying to get you out of my head as everybody was telling me to, I started looking for...options. It wasn’t- I mean, I was just considering the possibilities, I wasn’t determined to actually go for it right then. I looked into adoption, surrogacy, artificial insemination. It’s really amazing how many possibilities you have now to become a parent,” she commented, with a nervous chuckle.

“But then… Well, you already know that part, when I realized all I ever needed was you, it was already too late. And so the day you… after I visited you at jail and you asked me to disappear I made my mind on it. I- I thought that I had lost you forever and I figured that if I wasn’t going to have you, then I should at least make it worth it. I wanted to feel that what I had done hadn't been in vain. So I went for it. I started the treatment with AI and it worked the very first time.”

For any other person, Maggie would have said it didn’t make any sense, that what she had just told her was the most ridiculous story she had ever heard; but knowing Alex it made all the sense in the world. This was typical of Alex. Impulsive, forward, _reckless_.

Maggie remained quiet for a couple more minutes, processing every word the redhead had just told her. Then something suddenly caught her attention and looking at Alex’s belly, she frowned. 

“But… that was months ago. You… you should be what, five, six months?”

“Oh, uh…” Alex hastily avoided her eyes and started fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. “I… well, I miscarried.”

“Oh. I- I’m sorry.”

“It was supposed to be a simple arrest. Remember how Kara once said Syvillians were peaceful? Well, apparently there are some exceptions to the rule. It got rough and… I got the worst part,” she gulped, her chin quavering at the memory. “After that I decided to quit the DEO. I realized that if I really wanted to be a mom, then I couldn’t do both. I needed a new beginning.”

Maggie still looked at her listening intently.

Then Alex sketched the trace of a smile.

“I remember seeing you that night, at the alien bar. I remember you smiling at me,” she reminisced, tugging a sad smile. “Though I knew it was forced. You’ve no idea how much I wanted you to hug me that night, how much I needed you. I had to refrain myself from approaching you and doing it.”

“I remember that night. You did look sad,” Maggie then ducked her head. “I wanted that too, you know? To hug you and to ask you what had you feeling so sad.”

Now Maggie wondered what would have happened if she had actually done it.

“Anyways, that’s when J’onn stepped down and made me director of the DEO. He convinced me that as director I wouldn’t have to be in the field all the time, risking my life, and that I could actually do both, you know? Protect the world and have a family. He convinced me that I didn’t have to deny any part of myself to be complete. Or, as complete as I could be without you, that is.”

“So you, uh, tried again?”

“I did. Though it wasn’t so easy the second time. I had to do several attempts before it finally worked again.”

Maggie nodded. She didn’t know much about the deal, but she had heard once or twice how exhausting and disappointing this process could be. A horrifying thought suddenly came to her mind.

“Oh my god.”

“What?”

“Today. The mission, I- Alex, had I known you were pregnant I would’ve never asked you to go in with me. Why didn’t you say anything? You shouldn’t have accepted it.”

“It didn’t seem risky. Your plan was pretty solid, and hadn’t been for my stupid self, it all would have gone perfectly well.”

“Is that why you panicked? When that son of a bitch had you…”

Hesitating at first, Alex ended up conceding it.

“You know, I, uh… I also kinda freaked out. When I saw you there, being pointed at and so scared. It made me… remember about something. I was so scared,” she confessed.

“But you saved me again, Mags. You saved _us_ ,” Alex emphasized, resting a hand on her own belly.

“Alex, if anything had happened to you or your baby, I would have never forgiven myself.”

“But nothing happened, Maggie,” she reassured her, venturing to take her hand.

“Gee, I see why your sister wanted to throw me and Kevin into the sun today…” Maggie chuckled.

They stood in comfortable silence for several minutes, Maggie’s mind running at thousand miles per hour but still holding hands with the redhead.

“How far along are you?”

Alex looked at her and answered. “Almost three months.”

Maggie nodded.

“Are you happy?”

Alex seemed dislodged by the question. She considered it before answering. “I’m… excited, if that’s what you’re asking.”

She nodded again.

When it was clear neither of them was going to say anything further, Alex realized it was time to say goodbye. For real, this time. 

“I guess now that you know everything I don't have anything else to do here," she said, standing on her feet. “I don’t regret tonight, Maggie. Even if it probably was a mistake, I don’t regret it.”

With the same expressionless demeanor, Maggie remained quiet.

“Goodbye, Maggie,” Alex hummed, defeated, in the weakest and most quavering voice possible before crossing the tiny apartment and reaching for the knob.

“Alex!”

The redhead instantly stopped and turned around, a hopeful look in her eyes, as Maggie walked closer to her standing at a considerable distance.

“Yeah?”

“I… I’m happy… For you.”

“Oh,” she breathed, her shoulders slumping in disappointment. “Thank you.”

Turning around again, Alex disappeared through her door.

Maggie broke down in tears.

* * *

She was broken.

 _Again_.

Everything she had hoped for, everything she had dared to dream about had been nothing but a delusion. She felt like what little had healed from her last heartbreak, had shattered into pieces all over again. And this time she blamed nobody but herself. Because this time, it was her and her stupid hopeful mind who had fueled the dangerous fire of false hope and ilusion. But… Was it really her fault though? The way Alex had looked at her, the way she had talked to her, the things she had said to her. How could she not have had hope after all of that. Alex loved her, she could see that clear now, she didn’t have a single doubt. 

Now that she really thought about it, Maggie wondered how she had missed it. All the time it had been in front of her nose. But she never even started to suspect it.

 _So much for being a detective_.

Slowly everything started to click into places. The way Winn described her acting weird. The syringe and the way she had been all nervous and edgy when she had visited her at her apartment. Kara the even more than usual annoying way she had been acting towards Alex lately. Her belly; why was it just now that it caught her attention? Tonight, while they had been making love, it hadn’t looked as plain and as fit as she remembered it, but she had never stopped to acknowledge it -granted, she had been more... _excited_ about other stuff. Her taste was different, too; that Maggie did notice, but she never imagined it was because of that. How could she? And lastly but most importantly, her _glow_. She was radiant, she was shining, she was stunning. Not the normal way she had her used to, but in some special way. That was what should have made her realize.

But she didn’t. And now she had gotten her hopes up only for them to be crushed again. She really thought they could have fixed it. She really thought they could have had everything they once had and more. Because their love was intact and even enhanced, and the urge both of them felt for being together, for being _happy_ together, could be sensed from miles away. But Alex was pregnant; and there was no turning back from that. And Maggie? Maggie didn’t want that. Maggie wanted Alex. Maggie _needed_ Alex. Maggie wasn’t mom material. Maggie had never pictured herself as a mom. Ever. Not even after the breakup, when she had been so desperate to be back in Alex’s arms. No, Maggie didn’t want that.

Or did she?

Was she really going to let the love of her life go again just because Alex was pregnant? Did the idea of having a child terrified her that much?

Has she ever stopped to think _why_ she didn’t want kids?

Was it because of her own traumatic childhood? Was it because she was scared of them? Was it because of a lack of confidence? Was it because she didn’t have that much love to give? Or was it because she never really thought she would find someone she could actually want to do that with?

A thousand questions invaded Maggie’s mind. But the answer was only one and the same for every single one.

 _Alex_.

She wanted Alex. Her happiness was with Alex. Her strength was in Alex. Her future was with Alex. Alex was her everything.

She _loved_ Alex.

So, were there really any doubts left?

A sudden feeling of realization took over Maggie.

An _epiphany_.

When she came to, Maggie ran to her bedroom and hastily put on a pair of sneakers. She didn’t even take the time to change out of her indoors outfit, for she considered it would be a waste of time. Quickly fixing her hair, she took her keys and rushed out of her apartment.

* * *

_Knock, knock, knock_.

She waited for a few seconds before she heard movement from the other side. She stood right in front of the peephole so she could be seen. But the movement suddenly quieted down and the door remained closed.

Desperate but aware of the late night hours, Maggie hissed, “Open up, Alex. It’s me, and I know you’re there.”

A few more agonizing seconds later, the door opened, revealing a startled and puffy-eyed redhead. Right then, Maggie knew she hadn’t been the only one crying her eyes out.

“Tell me why,” Maggie demanded, her breath heaving as if she had just run a marathon.

Alex stared at her, hesitant.

“I- I already explained it to you, Maggie.”

“No, tell me why is it we can’t be together?”

Alex seemed lost.

“Maggie, I’m pregnant, I’m gonna be a mother, I’m gonna have a baby,” she blurted, staring at Maggie as if wondering if she had hit her head and lost her memory or something.

“Yeah, I got that, Alex. You’re pregnant, so what?”

This time, Alex raised one suspicious eyebrow.

“Maggie, are you feeling okay?”

“Just answer my question, Alex!” She insisted, and asked again, “Why can't we be together?”

“Because you don’t want children!”

Maggie stilled.

That was exactly what she wanted to hear.

“Is that it? Is that the only reason?

Still confused, Alex nodded.

“So it’s my fault.”

“No, I-”

“It’s me standing in the way of my own happiness. Of _our_ happiness.”

“It’s not your fault, Maggie. It’s the way you feel, and it’s totally valid. Even if it hurts like hell,” Alex stated.

Not being able to decipher Maggie nor her confusing silence, Alex sighed in exasperation. “Maggie, why are you here?”

“What if it isn’t anymore?”

“If what isn’t?”

“The way I feel.”

Alex’s brow furrowed even harder. She appeared more confused than ever, and to be fair, Maggie wasn’t being very clear herself either.

“Maggie, I don’t think I’m following. What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I love you and that I wanna do this. With you. I wanna be here for you and for your baby,” she revealed as she felt her heart start beating out of tempo. “I love you, Alex,” she repeated in a breathless whisper.

By the look in Alex’s eyes, Maggie could tell she was disconcerted. And as she looked into those beautiful hazel eyes, Maggie could see her mind working at a thousand miles per second, so she decided to step closer and take her hands into hers.

“I’m saying that if you really want me back, I’m here. For you, for your child, for _us_. I’m here.”

“Maggie, do you- do you have any idea of what you’re saying?”

“I do. And I’ve never seen anything more clear in my life. I want to be with you, Alex. I don’t know the first thing about being a mother, that much is clear; but I feel that with you I can do anything, I can be anything.”

Alex stood still, utterly stunned.

“But you don’t want children! Before you said-”

“Before I didn’t know you were pregnant.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means that it changed everything. Just like you said the other night. It changed everything. We love each other, we want each other, and we want to build a life together. Then why don’t we? Alex, once you said you were about to give up on your dream of being a mother for me, to be with me. Well, now I realize how wrong and selfish that would have been. And I’m so glad you didn’t. Because I want to spend the rest of my life watching how happy you are building that family _with me_. I want to spend the rest of my life making you and this baby happy. So, to answer your question, yes, I do have an idea of what I’m saying. I want to do this. I so much want to do this. Only if it’s _with you_.”

Opening and closing her mouth, Alex tried to find the right words.

“What are you so afraid of, Alex?” Maggie asked, anxiously waiting for an answer.

“Are you seriously asking, Maggie? I’m scared to shit by the fact that it only took you half an hour to change your mind so drastically. How do I know you won’t change your mind again just as quickly?”

“Because it wasn’t half an hour, but a second. All it took for me was one second to realize I wanted you _and_ this baby, that I want to build this family with both of you, the three of us,” she answered with all honesty and certainty.

“Maggie,” Alex hummed as a tear rolled down her cheek.

“I love you, Alex. I’m so crazy in love with you, and I know I will love this beautiful baby just as much,” she beamed, holding her own tears at bay. “So, what do you say? Do you love me enough to do this with me?”

“Maggie...”

“The both of us, the child, the house, the dog, the whole combo,” Maggie whispered with hopeful eyes.

“Maggie, it’s not just- There are two of them,” Alex finally managed.

Furring her brow, Maggie tilted her head. “Two what?”

“Two babies.”

Suddenly, the optimistic smile on Maggie’s face disappeared and her grip on the redhead’s hands loosened.

Raising her eyebrows in sheer surprise, she breathed, “...What?”

“They’re twins,” Alex repeated, resting her hands on her belly. “Here, I have two babies.”

It was funny how quickly the rolles had inverted, as it was now Maggie the one standing still, stunned, and speechless.

“T-two babies?”

“Two babies.”

“That’s, uh…” Maggie trailed, looking around the apartment and shaking her head. “Yeah, no, this isn’t gonna work, Alex. Two babies, that’s… that’s a lot. We're gonna need a bigger place,” she said, and just like that, a broad grin invaded her face again.

She rached forward again and cupped her face. “Alex, I don’t care how many of them there are, I know that together we can do this.”

Alex bit her lips and lightly shook her head in amazement. “You've no idea what you're getting into, do you?”

“Ride or die, babe.”

Only when Alex smiled and nodded, Maggie leaned in and kissed her passionately, as she felt her tears finally coming down as a waterfall, mixing with Alex’s. This time, she didn’t only feel like being home again; this time, she _was_ home.

“Are you _really_ sure you wanna do this, Maggie?” Alex prompted, after breaking the kiss but still resting her forehead against Maggie’s. "There's no turning back from here."

“I am, Alex. This is where I belong. Here, with you,” Maggie beamed, softly resting her hands on Alex’s belly. “With _all_ of you.”

Alex smiled again. "I love you, Maggie Sawyer. I love you so much."

"I love you, too, babe."

Both leaned in again and pressed their lips together into another loving and hot-blooded kiss. And now, as they hugged each other, a thousand emotions ran through Maggie’s body, love, happiness, excitement, fulfilment. But the only thing that made her feel completely blissful, was being home again; and this time, _forever_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for: violence; mentions of past miscarriage. (Both are not related)

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to leave Kudos and a comment if you liked it! ;)


End file.
